-We’re back with another episode of the “Bachelorette.” You know, that show that has completely taken a back seat to all the BIP mess the last couple weeks. They’ve taken weeks off before for the NBA finals or holidays during the “Bachelorette” in the past, and I realize that BIP has dominated the news cycle since last Monday, but geez, I feel like we hadn’t seen an episode of Rachel’s season in like a month. I mean, before the episode started, how many of you could even remember where the hell we left off, who was left, what the last drama we saw was, etc? I know I couldn’t and this is my job. But where we left off was Eric yelling at Lee because Lee is a “little b***h” according to Dean. I don’t think many would disagree with that after watching last night’s episode. Lee is an antagonizer and had one role on this show. And he played it to perfection. Still makes him a horses ass, but it’s not like any of us thought for a second Rachel would ever choose Lee.
-Of course after Lee gets yelled at by Eric, I guess he felt like his 80’s villain character wasn’t done yet, so he decided to rile up Kenny. Lee is basically a mash up of every James Spader and Christian Slater movie character from 1985-1995. Hell, he even talks like them. I was half expecting him to start jumping down Blane’s throat for taking an interest in Andie. Oh wait Andie isn’t on this season? Nor is Blane? Pardon me. I’m mixing my 1980’s movies up with my 2017 TV shows. My bad. Kenny has some alone time with Rachel and Lee butts in asking for his time, obviously egged on by producers. Apparently Kenny’s never seen this show before since he let something as innocent as “May I steal some time” (which has happened every season since the beginning of time) completely thrown him off his game. Kenny is having none of this so he and Lee get into it loud enough where Rachel can’t concentrate on her conversation with the dude inside whose name she doesn’t remember, nor do any of us. I just know his face looks like it could be part of the Movieland Wax Museum. I don’t even know how to describe it. All I know is Rachel used the Kenny/Lee confrontation to get out of the conversation with mystery man who’s going home anyway.
-In the middle of all this mess, of course the show needs to let us see Rachel and Bryan’s alone time together since, well, I have some news on that. It’s come to my attention after speaking with numerous sources that it is a proven fact that Rachel and Bryan’s tongues cannot physical be apart from each other for more than 12 seconds. Fact. Sure, Bryan may have brought up vulnerability, and Rachel might’ve opened up about her biggest fear is being vulnerable and Bryan just seems to good to be true. Yada yada yada. Pssssshhhhh. Who cares about that? Let’s talk about the fact these two have been in four episodes together and in every episode at some point, his tongue is lodged hallway down her esophagus. And she likes it. She likes it a lot. Bryan gives her another line to think about: “Whenever you’re weak, I’m gonna be strong.” Isn’t that stolen from like some Bryan Adams song? Or hell, basically ANY slow song EVER? Once Bryan starts resorting to stealing lines from E-cards like Jef Holm did to Emily, then we’ll know he’s hit rock bottom.
-It’s rose ceremony time. Anthony, Eric, and Alex all safe with roses from dates that happened I believe back in 2015. Rachel: “You guys tonight didn’t go how I thought it would go…some heavy things…some great conversations though…choose to remember those…carried me through the night…underestimated how hard this would be…also, I can’t believe how a pocket sized troll like Lee ever made it past casting. Any ideas?”
Will: I’m not sure what he does on this show.
Dean: I’m just amazed Dean got cast this season just one year removed from attending his senior prom. Crazy.
Jonathan: Well, at least he’s gone a few episodes without violating anyone’s personal space.
Peter: He got some alone time too they made sure to show. Two man race.
Adam: Unfortunately, I think AJ was cremated.
Bryan: His 1-on-1 is next week. I can’t wait to see what cheesy line he throws at her next. “Everything I do, I do it for you?”
Matt: I know he dressed as a penguin the first night. After that, your guess is as good as mine. How he lasts til top 6 I have no idea.
Josiah: I find him funny. So there. Sue me.
Jack: I find him…? I really don’t know what to think.
Iggy: Reddit can be one terrible place I tell ya’. Be careful sliding into DM’s Iggs.
Kenny: I think he should just sit on Lee and not let him come up for air.
“Rachel, Gentleman, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. We’re still trying to figure out how in the hell we’re going to explain away 6 weeks of BIP now off television because of two rogue producers who filed a complaint on something they never saw. What a fun summer this will be.”
Lee: Does Lee have social media? If he does, he should probably just get off it for, like, the rest of his life. Just tryin’ to help, bud.