Big day today. Not only do we have Podcast #31 with Joe Bailey from Kaitlyn’s “Bachelorette” season & “Bachelor in Paradise 2,” along with the debut of the “He Said, She Said” podcast I’m collaborating with Sharleen Joynt on, but in a couple hours I’m headed to New York for the weekend for a family event. Not much of a touristy person, but I’m sure I’ll be people watching in Times Square later tonight. Anyway, Joe Bailey is Podcast #31’s guest and it’s really hard not to like this guy. It’s the accent. Seriously. Sure, two years ago during BIP the guy got himself involved in one of the uglier “scandals” when he was juggling Juelia and Samantha at the same time, but when you listen to today’s interview, it almost sounds like a completely different guy from back then. Funny guy, quick sense of humor, and he’s got some good stories to tell from his time on Kaitlyn’s season along with going in depth on everything that went down with the Juelia/Samantha situation. As always, if you wanna respond to today’s podcast, be sure to include Joe’s Twitter handle (@joebaileysego) in your replies. A real fun conversation with the guy as we also dove into his love for horses and I get an answer to a question I’ve had for a long time. Thanks to Joe for coming on. Hope you all enjoy our conversation.
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Joe joins me and we start by talking about what it’s like being on the set of “Bachelor in Paradise” in lieu of what’s been going on this season, how he got cast on Kaitlyn’s season of the “Bachelorette” (14:13), choosing Kaitlyn over Britt (18:35), being king of the group dates and his wardrobe malfunction on the sumo date (24:06), his thought process as he kept getting bypassed for 1-on-1 dates (28:30), Kaitlyn and Shawn’s connection and how he helped facilitate their “alone” time (32:16), the Kaitlyn & Nick sex “scandal” (38:33), being on “Bachelorette” versus “Bachelor in Paradise” (42:25), the Juelia/Samantha situation that blew up and made him a villain (46:10), going on “After Paradise” & having to confront Juelia (59:20), his love for horses and what he’s doing now (1:03:05), and finally end with Rapid 10 (1:14:10).
Facebook – Joe Bailey
Twitter – @joebaileysego
Instagram – joebaileysego
Episode 1 of the “He Said, She Said” podcast with Sharleen Joynt is now up at Stitcher Premium. Click on that link, use the Promo Code: STEVE, and you can get the first month free. After that, it’s $4.99/month or $29.99 if you sign up for a year, which gives you access to all of Stitcher’s podcast library. Sharleen and I will be doing this podcast once a month where we talk about sex/relationships/dating and take your calls on any queries you might have. The first episode we have three callers with three different issues. One is actually a follow up to her call from back in Podcast #9 with Kacie Gaston, as Amanda from Chicago gives us an update on what’s been happening since her fiancé cancelled their wedding a month before it was supposed to happen. Lets just say things haven’t gotten better. Emma calls in about her boyfriend who’s taking forever to pop the question and doesn’t know what to do, while Abe has his first girlfriend ever, yet her ex is causing problems. I hope you check out the show and let us know what you think. Of course, if you want to be on next month’s show, contact myself or Sharleen and we’ll set up a time to record over Skype Audio. Excited about this new monthly show, Sharleen is excellent and no holds barred when it comes to her advice, and we even get a special appearance during Emma’s call from Sharleen’s fiancé Andy. Hope you all enjoy it.
Dr. Reality Steve emails on Page 2…
June 22, 2017 at 9:43 AM
To the first emailer: You’re young & took your ex at face value that somehow you would be together, some day, as long as he got to do other women for a while. RS is right that the guy engineered quite a deal to get you to agree to be with him and let him shag whoever he wants. So, welcome to the world of the ambiguous and manipulative relationships. In other words, the type of relationship you should never accept. A guy is either with you or he’s not with you. He either wants to be with you or he doesn’t. There’s no in between. If you let that happen, you end up in very unsatisfying situations and you lose a little self respect. Since you’re a college student who was dating someone from High School, I’ll pass it off as youthful naivete. You don’t have that excuse going forward, and it’s really foolish to purposely drag yourself back into it. Learn from your mistakes, don’t repeat them. That’s how we mature. If you keep getting dragged into relationships (new or old) with manipulative exes or boyfriends, you’re not maturing and setting yourself up for a lot of drama in life. It’s OK to make mistakes, we all do. But if we don’t learn from them, we stay perpetually 20 years old emotionally. That gets old fast for everyone involved, and especially for you.
June 22, 2017 at 12:00 PM
To the woman who works with “W”…
I don’t understand how you’re not turned off by a guy that would behave the way he is while in a relationship?
If he became available, you would consider him a good catch and go for it?
The man is telling you who he is, why aren’t you listening?
June 22, 2017 at 1:37 PM
As far as I’m concerned, the married man needs to stop drinking in bars with his colleagues until all hours of the morning. Granted, those situations are tough to get out of if one of the guzzlers is your boss – and they expect your “company” at this type of gathering. It is peer (and boss) pressure of the worst kind.
However, this man is doing something that really irks me: he KNOWS that this is hurting his wife, but he is doing it anyway. Eventually, it will turn into a control issue and not end well. To me, it will be FAR better if he compromises with his wife and goes back to the room at 10 pm (as she’s asked). That way, he gets his time with the boys without risking his marriage.
For the record, I also see the husband’s side of it. Why should he sit alone in an empty hotel room when he could be laughing and smoozing with his colleagues downstairs? This is definitely a situation that warrants a compromise.
June 22, 2017 at 1:42 PM
To the woman with a “partying’ husband – I recommend a compromise. Being home at 10 pm every night until your kids grow up isn’t exactly an attractive prospect.
On the other hand, being out with the guys until 4:30 am is excessive.
Why not agree to compromise – that you are okay with him drinking and going out with his friends but that he has to be home by midnight, take a taxi/Lyft/Uber home if he’s drunk, and stick to a 2-drink maximum when you are together at parties so he can make sure to be ok to parent.
Honestly, it kind of sounds like you’re treating your husband like a teenage child. Maybe ease up a bit on your requirements, and ask him to respect that you are concerned and would like to not have to worry about him so much when he is out on business trips.
Also, if you think the blame for your husband cheating lays squarely on the women who go after married men when they are drunk because “they can’t resist” – whoo, boy, are you going to have a rude awakening. The only person you should be concerned about is your husband – if he’s a good guy, no matter how drunk he is, he’s not going to have a problem staying faithful to you.
Sounds like the real issue here is a deep inability to trust (perhaps because of past behavior or a sneaking suspicion of current behavior?) your husband when he’s not with you.
June 22, 2017 at 1:44 PM
To the woman with a drinker husband. Well, you knew he was a party guy when you married him, right? So, did you expect to waive a wand and make it all go away one day? Big surprise. It didn’t go away. Drinking is like that.
The thing I like to say is that what was funny at age 25 is sad at age 35. Some guys (and girls) figure it out. Too many don’t.
That said, it did seem like he was willing to cut back when out with you socially. So, that’s a plus & possibly a good sign. But if he’s out on business travel partying, yeah, guys who do that can end up doing all kinds of things they shouldn’t be doing. I suspect that you know about his 4:30 a.m. episode because he told you. Guy code says that he wouldn’t have been ratted out by his buddies (unless he hangs out with some real douches). So, the good news if that’s the case is that he’s being honest with you. The bad news is that if you took his honesty and went hysterical about it, that’s only teaching him not to tell you next time. Maybe he’ll change his out of town behavior, we can hope, but probably not.
You do have a right to expect better behavior for all the reasons you noted. But again, I’m not sure that you’re going to get it. You’ll have to see how it goes and see if professional help might be needed. That kind of depends on how often it happens. It might be really tough to get it all the way to where you’d like it. I’m just feeling like it’s going to be a tough road to get him to behave 100% of the time. These guys aren’t wired like that. But have at it. Maybe you’ll get there eventually.
I’m not saying all this for your benefit. For women who are dating, look at what your men are today. This is likely going to be what you get 10 years from now or 20 years from now (and 30-40 years from now, for that matter). Except, of course, they will get fat, lose their hair and be less interested in sex with you. So you better hope the way they are is worth it. Just kidding. Not really.
June 26, 2017 at 11:01 PM
Going to listen to this podcast when I get a chance. The Joe,Samantha, and Juelia situation was very entertaining. Maybe the experience humbled him a bit?
June 27, 2017 at 2:55 PM
To the woman with the husband who still likes to go out with the guys… As the wife who likes to go out once in awhile, I actually find your viewpoint quite stifling and controlling. Just because it’s your opinion that “nothing good happens after 11,” doesn’t mean he has to stay home and be in bed by 10 when he is on travel. If he was still doing this all the time when he was with you or on a daily basis, that’s different, but you said he has stopped doing that when you’re together. Seeing as you haven’t given any reason that you don’t trust him, then you really need to stop the hysterical behavior when he is on travel.
Some people like to be social and go out with friends drinking, and some don’t. I’m an extreme extrovert, and need to be around people in order to re-energize. My husband wants alone time to re-energize (but does like to be social as well, it just wears him out). He knows that when I’m on work travel, or even visiting my parents, that I am likely to have a night or two when I get back to my hotel eventually, and he knows I probably won’t be checking in with him at all until the next day. It doesn’t mean I’m falling down drunk, but I love to go out and about, especially out dancing. In fact, he actually comments that he loves how good of a mood I’m in after spending a night out with friends. At a work conference in New Orleans recently I glanced at my phone and realized it was almost 1am and I was with a group of about 12 work colleagues eating beignets at Cafe du Monde after having been jazz club hopping on Bourbon and Frenchmen Streets. Almost all of us in the group were married with children, and no one was getting slopping drunk nor behaving inappropriately, we were all having a great time. And it makes us function better at work because we have developed closer relationships with each other.
A few months ago I was with some high school girlfriends (we were all 42 yrs old) and we went to Chicago for a night to celebrate the wedding of one of them. Yes, we were out until 4am, bar hopping around Chicago, and using Lyft and Uber so that none of us had to drive. If my husband tried to forbid me from doing that, I don’t know that we would still be together. I make sure that I am not behaving inappropriately, and that is how I show respect to him and our marriage, but I also won’t act like a hermit since that’s not who I am. I don’t spend crazy amounts of money when I am out, also in respect to our budget. And considering I have 3 children under the age of 8, it’s not like I can go out very often when I’m home since it gets expensive to hire a babysitter (and frankly I love being with my kids). But when I’m on travel, that’s my time. Just like it’s my husband’s time when he is on work travel.
Maybe a little bit of acceptance that he might have different social needs than you do would help. Some compromise would probably go a long way, especially when he is on travel and his late nights truly should not affect you at all. As several wise people have told me – you can’t change other’s behavior, you can only change how you respond to it.