-We’re still at the cocktail party of the group date in South Carolina when we start off this episode, and there are two things that are happening. 1) Kenny and Lee are having their little chit chat. 2) The attack of Bryan’s tongue is playing in Rachel’s mouth. Again. We’re 5 episodes in, and every single episode they’ve made sure to show you Rachel’s alone time with Bryan on every group date after party or rose ceremony cocktail party. That doesn’t go unnoticed. Granted, what they show during the 11 weeks the show airs has absolutely nothing to do with what happened on the day of the engagement. Because they’ve shown plenty of Peter’s time with Rachel as well. I mean, a novice of this show can see this is a two man race. Peter and Bryan’s relationship is so far ahead of everyone else’s, it’s not even close. You’d think they’d at least give people SOME suspense, no? Apparently not. And oh yeah, Bryan’s tongue has been working over Rachel’s this whole time and doesn’t let up.
-Back to the Kenny and Lee drama. Honestly, I know that Kenny is fed up with Lee, and Lee is fed up that Kenny is fed up with him, but every time they’ve had an argument up to this point, I get confused as to why. Is it because Lee is a snake and a bitch, since Kenny has already told us that 17 times this episode and we’re about 5 minutes in? Or is it just because Lee is an instigator and Kenny knows what he’s up to? Because their talks always seem to go nowhere. Lee doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong and tells Kenny to his face, then sits in an ITM and says he loves stirring the pot and making sure he gets under Kenny’s skin. Which is clearly working. If Lee didn’t have those tweets in his past, he might actually be a more likable villain. But this is one of those times where we can combine real life with reality TV. He can’t escape what he wrote, so we know the guy is pretty much garbage. Not to mention has zero interest in Rachel whatsoever and was cast on this show strictly to do what he’s been doing. Plain and simple. I’d say he’s an 80’s teen villain, but usually they were taller than 5’1”.
-Jack Stone got a 1-on-1 date this episode. And to say it went horribly would be an understatement. He first arrived seeing Rachel with his sh** eating grin and you knew it was all downhill from there. Jack gives off this vibe that he high fives women after sex. Almost like thanking them for doing his job for him. I don’t know. But there was definitely something off about the whole date. Rachel even said it herself – they’re both early 30’s, they’re both lawyers, and they both live in Dallas. Yet, that’s about the only thing these two had in common. From their horse carriage ride, they went Shuckin’ & Shagging, which was totally ironic since Jack wouldn’t be doing any Shuckin’ or Shagging with Rachel the second the dancing was over. If anything, Rachel would’ve preferred if someone threw Jack’s ass back in the ocean with the rest of the oysters.
-Yet, Jack remained completely clueless because he tried/attempted/was successful at kissing Rachel after their date, and she was laughing during it. Her way of basically saying, “No dice, Jack Stone. Go try and shag someone on Paradise. This ain’t working between us. Jack on the other hand, was over the moon. “I’m shocked at how much feelings can develop in such a short period of time…I definitely see myself falling for Rachel.” One major thing Jack has working against him right now is the creepy stare. I mean, we all saw it, didn’t we? It was pretty impossible not to. Does he realize he’s doing this? Is he doing it on purpose? Does he think it’s endearing? Charming? Mesmerizing? Oh it was mesmerizing all right. Almost like the look a stranger gives to kids before he hands them candy and tells them he’ll give them a ride home. We’re all freaked out at this point. And then when he followed up at dinner by telling her if he got Rachel alone, he’d start by locking all the doors, basically security should’ve bum rushed this date and taken him away. None of it was appealing to anyone. I’m really curious to see who in Paradise gets sucked into the Jack Vortex of Stare. It’s not going to be pretty.
-Rachel cancelled the cocktail party at the rose ceremony because, well, the ghost of Jack Stone was still haunting her. As it probably did all of you in your sleep last night, right? That’s what I thought. Dean & Bryan are safe with roses. Oh yeah, Bryan got the group date rose on the Spelling Bee date because Rachel wants his babies. Rachel: “My decision to cancel the cocktail party was a surprise…each date I know exactly what I needed to do…the men I’m saying goodbye to, you certainly have left a lasting impression on me…except the Tickler. Don’t you dare try that on me as you leave this place…Dammit!!!!”
Eric: He’s still in his own head and seems to fall further and further behind.
Peter: Well, at least he’s starting a “Fitness Tour” soon…whatever that is. The next Cody Sattler?
Adam: Adam Jr. still is more interesting.
Will: I have nothing positive or negative to say about Will. He’s just there.
Matt: Maybe he should’ve just worn the penguin suit all season.
Alex: He actually got a group date rose this season somehow.
Josiah: Have you noticed that every guy that’s “won” a group date never ended up getting the group date rose? Add Josiah to the list after this Spelling Bee date. So much for impressing Rachel.
Anthony: For a guy who got an early 1-on-1, he’s given us nothing since.
Kenny: I wish somehow Kenny and Lee could wrestle. Like, for real. Lee might have his head severed from his body.
“Rachel, gentleman, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. I’m so happy Paradise is back on so I don’t miss out on another ridiculous amount of money they pay me to do nothing on a beach down in Mexico. Well, except get yelled at by Chad last season.”
Lee: Pocket sized men don’t belong on this show.
Iggy and Tickle Monster are sent home, and on cue, the Monster couldn’t help himself and violated Rachel in every way on his way out the door. Oh sure, the guys clapped for it. I’m sure Rachel was mortified getting felt up again by this dude.