Reality Steve

The Bachelor 22 - Arie

The Bachelor Arie – Episode 1 Recap, Date of the Fan Appreciation Party, Details on Some of the Girls, & Whose Ex Shows Up?

Photo Credit: ABC

-We have 29 limo entrances on night one and, per usual, all of them don’t make an impression. But some do. So let’s point out a few of them:

Caroline: Looked great, told a cheesy “off the market” realtor joke that seemingly fell flat and, well…I still can’t believe she was a non-factor this season.

Kendall: She was very nervous in her entrance, but didn’t do anything over-the-top stupid. You know, like show him her taxidermy collection. Or play the ukulele. That’s later. I kinda dig Kendall’s weirdness. Did I mention she chugged a carafe of donkey semen on “Fear Factor” before? Just checking.

Seinne: Gave Second Fiddle elephant cuff links because that’s her favorite animal, and they’re known for their memory, so don’t forget to talk to her inside. As a guy, I think cuff links as a gift suck. Nobody pays attention to your cuff links, really.

Tia: She’s brought an Oscar Mayer weiner for him and says “please tell me you don’t already have a small weiner.” Raven’s Twinsie is already making dick jokes on her first meeting. She ain’t playin’ around.

Brianna: She chucked a softball at him since she used to play softball in college. I said it when I first confirmed her as one of the contestants, but another one that I’m floored didn’t last past the first night. If she wants Paradise, I would think they’d put her on in a heartbeat.

Brittane: You’re not supposed to put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari but why not for Jef Holm’s sloppy seconds? So she puts a “Nice Butt” sticker on The Guy Who Can Only Be in Love with People He Meets on Television. And the spelling of Brittane’s name? Just no.

Krystal: Tells him to put his hand on his heart, reflect on what he’s grateful for, and this moment is ready for his adventure to begin. It took all of about 17 minutes for me to already be sick of Krystal.

Bekah M.: Pulls up in a classic convertible car and Arie the Man Not the Boy thinks she’s beautiful. Just wait til he finds out that Pixie pretty much just had her senior prom like a week ago.

Jessica: She gives him a gratitude rock. I even googled it and it’s actually a thing. Just a rock you carry in your pocket to remember the things you’re grateful for. Maybe Jessica should’ve kept it in her pocket and be grateful that the casting department gave her one night of extra footage to add to her demo reel.

Becca K.: Makes him get down on one knee and repeat after her, “Rebecca Jill, are you ready to do the damn thing?” Maybe if her ex would’ve said that in Peru he proposed, she would’ve said yes to him and Bachelor #22 would’ve been left at the altar by himself.

The 4 Lauren’s: They all arrived in a row and none of them did anything memorable. Hey, at least they all spell their name L-A-U-R-E-N and not Lauryn, Laurinne, Lorine, Lorin, Loorin, or $98@^*!.

Ashley: She brought a checkered flag with her for the whole racing bit. Cute. However in racing, the checkered flag is for the winner of the race. In 10 years, he’s only seen that once so he might be a tad unfamiliar with what the hell it is. In fact, he might have an aversion to it.

Amber: Spray tan artist who told him she’s “seen a lot of d**ks in her life and I hope you’re not one of them.” So 2 out of 29 went with d**k references the first night. One got to hometowns, and the other got booted the first night. I guess America’s Favorite Bridesmaid runs hot or cold on the d**k jokes.

Ali: She makes him smell her armpit only to get the line out of “Was that not the best pit stop of your life.” Just stop, please. I don’t care if you have potpourri deodorant on mixed with Febreze and scented candles, no guy wants to smell your armpit.

Annaliese: Stole her mask from Anastasia Steele and called herself the “kissing bandit” hoping to steal a kiss from him. Is there anything else equally as kinky she ripped off from Anastasia? We kinda need to know these things. Rawr.

Maquel: Showed up in the passenger seat of an Indy car, and this got the Bridesmaid’s pants all excited. Cars! Racing! Hey, that’s what I do! Sort of. Like, part-time. Not as good as my father. And not even in Indy cars anymore. But hey, it makes good television so why not let people think I still race Indy cars!

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  1. cmall2

    January 2, 2018 at 8:02 AM

    Mike was cheating on Chelsea with Rani and hooking up with her in hotels while Rani was cheating on Gabe at the same time. Those two are perfect for each other, minus the fact that what got Rani with Mike is what will eventually divorce them…
    He’s already going out with single friends and staying out in hotels! Hi Press Hotel??

  2. adelina

    January 2, 2018 at 10:24 AM

    ^^^^^^I feel some shade and personal vendetta stuff from the comment above by @cmall2. I noticed that Rani (what is that name anyway) looks just like Chelsea.

    I agree that Tia is really Raven 2.0. I do find Tia much prettier than Raven and always found Raven to have a Morticia look that is unattractive. What was that clothing shop Raven was in? Is it hers? Looked very rural chic.

    The comment about Maquel looking like Kesha made me laugh. She does resemble Kesha but a rich man’s version for sure.

    Bekah is super cute but she is also at an age when she thinks she’s cute and clever and down to earth and really needs to convey that. I have a 22-year old child with the emphasis being on ‘child.’ Very young but props to Bekah for wearing short hair really well.

    Krystal is exhausting and reminds me of Britt. Always ON and super HAPPY and super affected and super just go away.

    I thought Arie came off as a bit dim, a bit dull and a bit slimy. He seemed to lear at the women after intros more so than Bach’s in the past.

  3. rob22

    January 2, 2018 at 11:07 AM

    Gotta say that the women this season are very good looking. That wasn’t the case last season. I agree that Arie was totally leering at the women after the intros. He’s really creepy. It was actually a bit shocking that the girls seemed to be into an old creeper. But I guess that’s why they’re there. If they don’t act into him their 15 minutes are up quickly. What a show. Girls throw themselves at a guy they’re not that into (some even sleep with him) just for attention and social media cred. It’s pretty sick when you think about it, especially in the “Metoo” world we live in.

  4. jlal

    January 2, 2018 at 11:19 AM

    I totally agree that Tia is way more pretty than Raven, but yet a Raven 2.0.

    I didn’t think Arie was coming off as slimy at all. He didn’t “leer” anymore or less than other bachelors. Also, Nick was older than Arie so everyone just stop with the old crap. I’m not and wasn’t even on Emily’s season a big Arie fan, but am getting sick of RS and others just trashing him.

    RS cracks me up with the “womanizer” comment. Really, womanizer? Too f’ing funny. Also, he IS a race car driver, there are many who try different categories of racing. So, he isn’t as good as his Dad, way to shame someone. At lease he was out there trying, jeez.

    Arie has been a single guy living the single life. Doesn’t seem any more or less “slimy” than any of the others, save Shaun and Ben, that have been the bachelor. Not too many guys are going to say no when they have a chance with a pretty woman. Sounds like RS has some sour grapes. I can’t figure it out, why he is so against Arie. Been reading this site for years and have never seen this blatant animosity toward a lead before.

  5. trainwrecktv

    January 2, 2018 at 9:11 PM

    I don’t think Steve has been any harder on Arie than anybody else. Arie is just an easy target. I tried to play devil’s advocate during this first episode thinking to myself things like, “Maybe I’m just imagining he is leering…” but nope, that was definitely some *skeezy* leering. The creepy mumbling about the women as he watched them walk away definitely didn’t help.

    It was also pretty bad watching him actually say that the things that make him excited to be alive are “excitement,” good food (defined as pizza) and friends/companionship. If he doesn’t think quicker than that on his feet and keeps up the creep factor, this might he a hard season to watch. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that Arie is going to make me miss the days of smooth operator Nick, and I didn’t think that was possible.

  6. rob22

    January 4, 2018 at 7:09 AM

    Look, Arie is impossibly superficial and self-centered. I know that is often the case, but I doubt that Arie has any real thoughts beyond what feels good here and now. There are many examples just from the first episode. The leering comments about the women as he turned to look at their backsides. The “adrenaline junky” comment. Just to name a couple. Sure, he’ll parrot some bromides about wanting a future, wanting someone to share his life with (his life, of course) and marriage…. blah, blah, blah. He’ll say it because it’s expected. In that way, he’s really no different than Nick (or many other Bachelors), but Nick was just better at playing the part. He acted just well enough to get many to buy his act, for a time. Arie is completely transparent. So, is he a bad guy. No. Is he terrible for taking advantage of willing females in the past. No. But let’s not try to pretend that Arie is here to actually find a wife. That’s just silly. Let’s just enjoy this trashy charade for what it is. For what it almost always is.

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