Got a little heavy last week, so decided to bring it back to “Bachelor” talk this week and have a little fun with someone who kicked off last year as my first guest on the podcast, the managing editor of TheRinger.com and host of the “Bachelor Party” podcast, Juliet Litman. Juliet is choosing to go unspoiled this season, so it’s interesting to hear from someone who has no clue what’s coming up what their thoughts are on the contestants and the storylines. Juliet is really the only “Bachelor” related podcast I listen to when I can so it’s always fun to talk to her about her thoughts on the franchise and the show. Also, for the first time I can remember on my podcast in over a year, I get into a little sports talk with Juliet, talking NBA to end the podcast. As always, if you want to respond to the interview, please include Juliet’s Twitter handle (@JulietLitman) in your replies so she can see them as well. A little fun this week to get away from the seriousness of last week’s podcast. Felt it was a good change up and I hope you like it. Enjoy.
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
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Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) Juliet joins me to talk about if she’s going spoiled or unspoiled this season, her thoughts on Arie as the Bachelor (7:04), ratings from the first night (10:10), Winter Games talk (12:48), likes & dislikes from the girls’ intro videos (15:28), her top 4 based on the first episode (17:53), which limo entrances she was into (19:50), her thoughts on being in attendance for the first night of filming in past seasons (22:22), Arie saying he fell in love with two women this season (24:38), Bachelor contestants branching out to MTV shows now (32:20), and finally she updates us on all the podcasts she does for TheRinger.com & we have a little NBA talk (40:58).
Twitter – @JulietLitman
Podcast – Bachelor Party
Dr. Reality Steve
I saw your request for additional Dr. Steve questions and figured I’d write in about something that’s happened in my family.
My sister got married a few months ago to a guy she had been dating for many years. She’s in her late 20s; husband is in his 30s. 3 months after the wedding, she found out that he had been cheating on her multiple times, both before and after the marriage (he admitted to it). My entire family was put into a tailspin and are varying levels of disgusted with him (one parent won’t even speak to him).
We found out about everything 3 months ago, and since then, my “brother-in-law” (he doesn’t deserve the title) has not tried to reach out to me even once. (He only reached out to my parents 2 and 3 months after we found out, respectively). My family member’s birthday dinner is coming up this weekend and I’m torn about attending with him there as I have not seen or heard from him since this came to light. Unfortunately my sister is staying with him in spite of my family’s opinions to the contrary. From the feedback I’ve seen from my family, I will be made out to be the “bad person” if I refuse to attend the dinner, with my brother in law being the “victim.” (It’s really messed up). What should I do? If I do go, do I speak to him? I don’t think I can muster up any small talk because I literally don’t care or believe a word he has to say about anything.
Additionally, how should I proceed with my relationship with him from here on out? I literally don’t think I can be in the same room as him without wanting to kill him.
Angry in Alaska
Comment: First “Dr. Reality Steve” of the season and we have an alliteration. Today’s gonna be a good day.
This is certainly an awkward situation. I’m actually surprised your sister is bringing him. She knows everyone is pissed at him, and her for that matter for staying. It’s still fairly recent, so I’m unsure of why she wants to even put him in that situation. Or herself for that matter. You’d think in the short term knowing that her whole family disapproves of the relationship she’s in, she’d just remove herself and not show up. I don’t think there’s any reason to believe it won’t be extremely uncomfortable if they both are there. If she insists on going and is basically making everyone cater to her needs, or is giving off this, “Please don’t treat him differently vibe,” then I wouldn’t blame you if you refused to go. This will sour your relationship with her for sure, but, if you feel that strongly about him and what he did, going and pretending like nothing is wrong, or purposely avoiding him because you want to kill him, to me, is no different than if you just didn’t go.
Personally, I think she’s being selfish for going. And if she’s not going to change, then I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. Hell, I think whoever is throwing the party should un-invite her. I know it’s extreme, but honestly, what good is it gonna do? Sounds like no one there wants him around. Unless that party is used as some sort of an intervention I don’t see much good that can come out of it. Has he talked with the family at all and apologized? Here’s a question that I have: Does he know that you guys all know what happened? Or you guys just found out and he’s unaware that you know? Could change the dynamic. I’m assuming he knows you know, but you weren’t specific if that was the case. Either way, if you feel uncomfortable with him being there and it’ll be extremely awkward, and your sister insists on bringing him, then to show your displeasure, I don’t see why you can’t remove yourself from the situation in the short term. But I would have a talk with your sister about how what he did is unacceptable, you don’t approve of it, and this will be your stance for a while. See what she says. If she’s stubborn about it or makes excuses for him, well, then you’re going to have plenty of uncomfortable family gatherings he attends from now until they break up because it doesn’t sound like you want to have any sort of friendship/relationship with him, and I don’t blame you.
This wasn’t a one time slip up. It goes well beyond that. Constantly cheating before and after a marriage from even a few months ago basically means he doesn’t give a sh** about your sister. Not even sure why he married her in the first place. He’s got some serious issues. The good thing is, no matter what your sister is saying now and whatever crazy ass reason she’s choosing to stay with him for – that won’t last long. She’ll eventually see she’s in a sh***y marriage and will get out. But until then, if she’s going to be selfish and continually put you and your family in uncomfortable situations, tell her you want no part of it. Good luck.
Send all links and emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.
January 7, 2018 at 2:39 PM
I haven’t listened to this week’s podcast yet, but I wanted to comment on last week’s. I don’t think Arie came across as all that bad, except the cheating allegations. A woman pursued him on Instagram, went out to AZ to meet him, and then moved out to AZ – all very easy for him. They dated, he treated her well, didn’t want to get too public with the relationship, never said he loved her and then broke it off when she started pressuring him about his friendship with another woman (Courtney). Then he accepted the gig as The Bachelor. Nothing too awful there – except the cheating, but people do cheat in relationships.
January 8, 2018 at 1:37 PM
Angry in Alaska: I don’t agree at all with RS on this one for a couple of reasons. First, if you want a relationship with your sister, anything you do negatively at the party will be held against you… possibly even after they get divorced. And they WILL get divorced. You don’t have to chit chat with him at the party. Say hi and smile and stay away from as much as possible. Play nice. You’re investing in your future with your sister & it doesn’t sound like you guys see that much of each other where you couldn’t just play nice once in a while. Because, as I noted above, this kind of relationship will run itself into the ground. You don’t need to do anything except patiently wait for it to happen. Honestly it would be selfish of you to make a scene. It’s HER husband, and she’s an adult who made an adult decision. (As much as it makes no sense that she stayed with this tool.) The fact that you’re angry is irrelevant. Nobody cares about your anger, except you, and this certainly IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I have a feeling based on your post that you’re going to go into that party like a bull in a china ship and raise holy hell. All I can say is that if you do that, you’ll be paying for your actions with broken family relationships for a long time. Maybe forever. The world is littered with stories like this. We’ve lost relationships with people in similar situations, even after we thought they were getting divorced. Nope. Got together again and we were out, even after their eventual divorce. Waiting things out is the smart move. I know that’s not your style, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right way to go. BTW: I don’t know your family dynamics, but it seems possible that someone else will fall on the proverbial sword. If so, that’s on them. No need to participate and get mud all over you. If someone else wants to jack up their family relationships, let them. There will be a day, not too far in the future where how you acted during this party will be looked at, by you, as either an extremely wise decision on your part to restrain your behavior, or the day you f’d up your relationship with your sister, and possibly other family members.
January 9, 2018 at 11:21 AM
I just created an account to reply to you. Thanks so much for your thoughtful response, I’d been hoping to hear from you!
I ended up doing what you advised due to advice from a therapist and it was probably the best thing I could’ve done at this point. I just ignored him all night and my husband took one for the team and talked to him. I was cold but not rude. My sister has been calling me a lot since then due to other family issues so I know she must be fine w how I acted.
I’m just worried that they’ll NEVER get divorced, even though you and RS seem certain that they will…eventually.
Thank you again for your advice!
January 10, 2018 at 8:20 AM
Angry in Alaska,
I read rob22’s comments yesterday morning, and then checked back this morning to add my agreement with him, only to be happy to read that you got good advice from your therapist and did essentially what Rob advised, likely even before he wrote it.
Maintain a loving and sympathetic relationship with your sister, encouraging her to work on her marriage IF her husband is doing the same. Also advise her take precautions that will help her “in the unlikely event” (and we know that this is actually more likely than unlikely) that her marriage gets worse and heads towards divorce. These precautions are things like birth control, having a separate bank account in her name only that she is steadily contributing to, having a credit card in her name only (assuming she can handle that responsibly), and building and maintaining female friendships that are not “couple” friendships, i.e. friendships that will get weird if your sister splits with her husband. All these things will help her feel she can stand on her own.
January 10, 2018 at 8:43 AM
I just thought I’d add…
There are people in my life that have proven to be a-holes, whose actions appear to be coming from who they are and that appear unlikely to be introspective enough to change. I am happy to shake hands with and be friendly to these people in person, but I would never trust or share personal information with them. I do a lot of listening and less talking, unless it’s about something completely trivial or something I’m not emotionally invested in. If I have to do business with them and disagree with them, I stick with the facts and present my reasoning in a clear and unemotional way.
There are other people whom I may disagree with, but I am convinced that they either have sincere motives, or self-aware enough that they will eventually deal honestly with their own motivations. These I am willing to discuss heart matters with; I can show appropriate emotion and ask them to examine their own motivations. Even then, I try to be kind, and hope they know I mean them only good, not harm.