-Also at the after party, we get shown Elyse’s time with him and he told her he loved her story she told. He found it very sexy. She has what they call the Cougar Den back at the mansion and yeah, I guess that’s a thing now. Because she’s one of the older ones (I believe her, Tracy, and Nina are the only ones in their 30s this season), she’s “gone through things” and they end up kissing. Now Elyse can finally put a notch on her bedpost that she made out with a younger dude. She must feel like a proud Cougar. She tamed the young boy who wouldn’t know what to do with an older woman if his life depended on it. Knowing that 3 of his final 4 were all 23 at the time, yeah, sorry to say but Elyse wasted her time with this dude. It wasn’t ever happening. But hey, there’s some nice parting gifts for you Elyse. You can try your hand at any number of Caelynn or Hannah’s rejects on Paradise this summer! How’s that for a consolation prize?
-Demi is back talking about herself again and the great connection she and Colton have. She talks about how Colton’s exes weren’t dominant or aggressive, and that’s the way she is, and that’s what Colton needs, and she’s gonna do anything she can to impress him. She’s gonna challenge him unlike most of the other women and she doesn’t have any competition here. You know, all Demi has to do is get in a hot tube with Colton and take off her top here in Episode 2 and she basically is Corinne. I mean, I don’t have the exact quotes from Nick’s season, but I’m pretty sure Corinne’s ITM in that second episode were eerily similar to things we heard Demi babble about all night. Incessant talking about themselves, how great they are, what they bring to the relationship that the others don’t, etc. It’s nauseating frankly. And when Demi has chosen someone like Corinne to model herself after, well, I think that shows where her priorities lie.
-Colton is so impressed by Demi and so interested in what she has to say about anything, that he gives the group date rose to Elyse. Which of course then spawns Demi’s reaction in an ITM putting her down and making sure to let others know she doesn’t care, it’s all about her, she doesn’t care about the cougars this season, and it’s DemiDemiDemiDemiDemiDemiDemiDemiDemi all day every day. When you wake up, it’ll be about Demi. When you go to sleep, you’ll be thinking about Demi. If at any point you momentarily stop thinking about Demi for even just a split second, she’ll be there to remind you everything is about her. And don’t you forget it. By the way, was there anyone else on this date? I didn’t notice. And yes, I’m fully aware some of you probably think Demi’s funny and are entertained by her. You have every right to be. She annoys the piss out of me because she’s so transparent. To each their own. Moving on…
-You know how contestants from this show shill for teeth whitening. Well, Hannah B. is no doubt this season’s #1 candidate due to those sparkly white chompers she’s got on her. I mean, it’s a match made in heaven. If she’s NOT promoting teeth whitener in a few months, I’d be shocked. Hannah B. gets the first 1-on-1 of the season, which just so happens to be on her birthday (not a coincidence). One thing we did find out when Hannah is on her date, we get Caelynn back at the mansion talking about her and how they don’t get along. Well, according to Caelynn, they are not the best of friends, something you’ve known for months if you read this site during filming. In addition, Caelynn is saying it’s because they were roommates at Miss USA and Hannah is mad that she didn’t place and Caelynn got runner up. Whatever story she wants to go with to sell her narrative. As we know, there’s two sides to every story. Not at all what I heard. In fact, quite the opposite. But hey, lets let it play out and see what happens.
-I’d really like to talk about this date and all the fun things they did on it and what not, but you all saw it. What could anyone possibly say about this date to recap it? They had zero chemistry, Hannah was nervous as hell, she couldn’t even bring herself to do a toast, Colton was put off by her during the entire date portion of the date, and it was miserable. Other than that, these two connected on a level you rarely see in this galaxy. The night portion aboard the Queen Mary was…better? I guess? But when you get an incomplete or a 0 on a test, then you get to re-take it and you get 60%, you still did horrible, but you couldn’t get any worse. That was Hannah’s time at night with him. He liked how she opened up more. I didn’t see much, but then again, I was too busy with the Kansas/Texas game on in the background so pardon me. Maybe she turned into Chatty F***ing Cathy doll and I missed it. I’m going to guess no though. I know, shocking huh? Oh yeah, Hannah B. got a rose because, ummmmm, well, no person in the history of the show ever got the first 1-on-1 of the season and DIDN’T get a rose. So there’s that.
