Reality Steve

The Bachelor 23 - Colton

The “Bachelor” Colton – Episode 4 Recap, More Caelynn/Hannah B., & Chris Harrison Has a New Girlfriend

Photo Credit: ABC

-We are in Singapore and, well, Colton hasn’t changed his wardrobe. Well he has from his date with Tayshia thank God, but, for whatever reason, and I mentioned this in my episode 2 recap, but Colton insists on wearing t-shirts that look like a night gown on him. I don’t know where he got this style from, I don’t know who told him this was a new look, and I don’t know if he even looks in a mirror in the morning when he dresses himself, but can somebody please find the guy a t-shirt that doesn’t say XXXXXL on it next time? Thanks. I really appreciate it. Hey, maybe I’m the one out of touch here. I am a good 16 years older than Colton, so maybe I’m the moron and all the cool kids wear t-shirts that hang down to their knee caps now. Forgive me if I am, and Colton, you may continue to wear your nightie out in public.

-You’ll never guess on this group date who decided to do everything in their power to grab the most attention from Colton. You’re correct. It’s Demi. He gave her a piggy back ride because, you know, that’s what 6 year olds ask for. The group went shopping in downtown Singapore, then had some leech therapy. Demi really bonded with the leeches for some strange reason. Can’t imagine why. She said they loved her blood, and if I didn’t know any better, she was alluding to the fact that she grew up in the leech family and now it all makes sense. This kinda reminded me of “Stand By Me” when they all went in the lake and had leeches stuck on them and that one dude had one in his underwear and passed out. If anything, the leech therapy made Demi more insufferable this episode, so I’m assuming they won’t get much repeat business there.

-Also on this date we come to find out that while Colton and Cassie visited a fortune teller, he told them they were brother and sister in a past life. And that’s totally 100% legit because fortune tellers are always so accurate. Was that one of the ones that charges $10 for absolute nonsense that you see down on Venice Beach? Look, I’m fully aware some people actually believe in garbage like that but I can’t help but laugh. Like, if you’ve ever actually sat down and paid good hard earned money to have a complete stranger flip over some cards and somehow tell you about your life, then my next question to you would be, what if I asked you to do the same with me? “But Steve, you’re not a fortune teller.” And you know this how? Did you somehow vet out this guy’s fortune telling PHD before sitting down and giving him money? I’m guessing no. So you paying him to tell you sh** is no different than paying me. Don’t even get me started. It’s laughable and I’m now glad Colton and Cassie were brother and sister a long time ago. We can use that as yet another reason why they won’t come close to lasting. They’re siblings.

-The rest of the after party was spent showing us the Demi/Courtney feud. Really? This is all they could come up with for their drama? I don’t know for 100% fact, but knowing what I know about this show, I’m guessing Courtney was being told by producers over and over again it wasn’t her time to talk to Colton and they would tell her when it’s ok. But she can’t say that on camera, so we got what we saw her say which, I’m still confused on. She sat there nervous about not talking to him, Demi tells her to go talk to him, and she still didn’t and seemed like she was waiting for Colton to come pull her away. Which might’ve been what she was told by producers that don’t go grab him, he’ll come get you, but again, that’s strictly for storyline purposes since they know it’ll cause drama. Because right after Demi tells her to talk to him, she goes back in a second time to talk to Colton. And I wrote down exactly what she said:

“I’ve just been reflecting about everything and thinking about, you know, how you reacted to what I told you (her mom being released from prison)…and it felt really good.”

Soooo yeah, Demi had zero reason to go back in there and talk to him a second time before Courtney, but I’m guessing was told to while Courtney was told to stay away. That was pointless to go back and say that. It’s almost like now the show is feeding into the parody that SNL makes of them. They already did the “can I steal you for a sec” parody with the kids during the credits on episode 3, and Demi coming back just to say “I thought about our conversation and it felt really good” is so mundane and useless, it’s like when SNL has the girls interrupt and say “Mmmmm…I like this.” This was the best they could do for drama in episode 4. It was painful to watch because it’s nothing we haven’t seen 100x over.

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  1. dogmomma

    January 29, 2019 at 9:28 AM

    SO BORING! One of the many things about Colton that drives me crazy is the way he has the same smile on his face regardless of the situation. The whole time Caelynn was talking about her awful ordeal, it appeared that he was smiling. It seems like he’s auditioning for a role on a reality show……..oh wait, he’s already on the show!

  2. rob22

    January 29, 2019 at 9:33 AM

    I watched most of last nights show. I don’t know why. Usually despite the ridiculous plot lines, there are 3-4 girls that do seem to be developing deep feelings (no doubt influenced by alcohol and exotic locales). Maybe it’s because I haven’t been watching closely. And maybe it will still happen. But I’m not seeing it, and the ending implies that Colton had limited interest as well. Idk. Maybe I’m just not paying close enough attention.

  3. iampunka

    January 29, 2019 at 11:32 AM

    Sounds like Tayshia might have just killed her chance to be the Bachette. Huge social media mistake. LOL. I’m pulling for Hannah G for that anyway. I’d watch her. And my guess is that she will be it.

    Colton is super dull. Makes Sean Lowe seem exciting.

  4. realitynyc12

    January 29, 2019 at 12:42 PM

    I fully agree with RS about the confusingly underwhelming response Colton gave to Caelynn’s story. Ok, he dated a sexual assault survivor and intimacywas difficult. But to then start talking about his virginity out of the blue only to say, literally, “its complicated” as to the reasoning behind it was a total facepalm moment. He could have said anything, how much stock he puts into it because of the frat culture (and sports culture) objectifying women , that would have made me see him in a different light somewhat. Dude has all the eloquency of a brass doorknob. Chris Harrison is ridiculously full of it for hyping that conversation from Coltons standpoint to this extent but what else is new from this show, ugh.
    I do hope RS is wrong and Hannah G gets the Bachelorette gig, she’s adorable. There’s something about Caelynn that rubs me the wrong way, the pageant “on-ness” perhaps. I hope being genuine and likable outweighs a good “story” this time but knowing how this show works, I worry RS’s prediction is spot on…

    SNL did a fantastic spoof of this show this past weekend:

    Behold “Dolton” from “Turd River, Colorado” ?

  5. jesmlet

    January 29, 2019 at 1:52 PM

    Disappointed because Tayshia seemed normal and old enough to actually understand marriage. Hannah G is about as interesting as a piece of toast and seems pretty non-verbal. I don’t get why anyone would want to watch that aside from her looks of course.

    It’ll be interesting to see how bad the Bachelorette talk was between Caelynn and Cassie and whether or not that’ll hurt her chances. I wouldn’t mind a throwback to Danielle Maltby. I’m sure her POS publicist is drooling over the chance but Danielle seems nice and normal enough.

  6. adelina

    January 29, 2019 at 2:51 PM

    @realitynyc….yes I saw the SNL skit with Dolton. What a perfect name for him.

    I agree with everyone else here that Dolton is a total dud. He is incredibly boring, has zero intelligence and just overall the most basic jock 101 dude you could find anywhere. To say that he’s less interesting than Sean Lowe is saying a lot!!!

    I think Hannah G. is adorable but she’s very young and seems too girl-ish. Can we have a real woman on this show or a real grown ass man? C’mon!!! These young girls and their silly drama. I can’t handle Demi. She is a complete moron.

  7. tinyred500

    January 31, 2019 at 10:59 AM

    So far I’m agreeing with most of what Steve says, and with so many of the comments on here too.

    I’m only up to episode 3 (I’m a week behind America), and it seems all the episodes are merging into one; they are so boring. I thought Arie’s season was lacklustre and Nick’s too, but this one is sleep inducing…maybe I’m becoming more cynical each season…who knows! So many of the girls appear to have a tagline or theme that’s bought up at almost every camera opportunity, I’m British and if I was mad enough to go on this show, that would be played to a boring death, if this season is anything to go by. That’s not forgetting Colton’s virginity…it’s becoming an infantile joke, it’s sooo overplayed, please no more.

    Demi is indeed this season’s Corrine, and the original wasn’t fun to watch the first time round, her S&M scene with Colton was toe curling embarrassing, and to top it off, there’s far too much of Hannah and Caelynn’s feud, they are as bad as each other, more over I’ve given up caring (if I ever did), it’s so tedious to watch. So many of the girls this season seem very immature..23 plus going on 17. Colton comes across as bland and truly doesn’t have anything interesting or memorable to say, and doesn’t appear to have any real chemistry with any particular girl, he just seems to be going through the motions of being with each each girl and being The Bachelor.

    I haven’t read any spoilers and only accidentally read who he picks. I have no idea why viewing figures have increased, maybe there’s a lot of insomniacs watching, and need the show for sleep inducement.

  8. tinyred500

    January 31, 2019 at 2:34 PM

    I meant to add that I throughly recommend reading Sharleen Joynt’s blog (see Steve’s comment), I’ve been reading it for a while, but this season I’ve read it after I’ve watched each episode. It’s spoiler free and really adds a great insight how behind the scenes and editing is done and works. Sharleen’s experience and knowledge makes you see how both contestant’s and viewer’s are manipulated.

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