-We’re at the cocktail party now and Colton gets his time with Hannah G. first and, ummmm, did someone forget to tell these two this was a family show? Hannah rolled around in bed with him like this was prom night in high school. I’m just assuming most of us did that with our dates on prom night. Sophomore and junior year I did. My senior prom date sucked and none of that happened and I’d rather not talk about it anymore thank you bye. But holy geez, Colton and Hannah were pretty hot and heavy on his bed, which was shocking considering the first two times we’ve seen these two kiss, it couldn’t have been more awkward and unsexy if they tried. Is our little Colton growing up before our eyes? Is he finally learning how to kiss at 26 (now 27) years old? Awwwwww, how cute.
-We also get some sort of resolution to the Caelynn/Hannah B. feud that’s dominated the show for 4 episodes. Caelynn pulls her outside to talk and basically says that while they may never be best friends like they once were, they should be supportive of each other, past or no past, and move on from this. Hannah B. agrees, all while still giving none of the viewers any clarity as to why best friends became no longer best friends in less than a year. Pretty sure at this point we’ll never get an answer. Even at the WTA, I expect them both to be vague about it and not give specific examples. Frustrating, I know, but that’s all we’re gonna get at this point. Knowing that pageants are all about competition, and women know they aren’t going to win every one, I just find it hard to believe Caelynn’s line of “I placed higher than her so she was jealous.” I’m fully aware there’s jealousy and cattiness in the pageant world. I just don’t think THAT’S what caused best friends to stop becoming best friends. Because Caelynn placed higher? I just don’t see it.
-Oh lookie here, more Demi and Courtney fighting. This is sooooo entertaining and so worth hearing for the 900th time this episode. Demi says this about Courtney: “She’s always putting on a show and saying like the craziest things I ever heard of.” That’s rich Demi coming from you. Very rich. Then Courtney gets time with Colton and tells him: “The fact that you’re the Bachelor & the fact that this is a TV show is the reason why she’s here.” Probably about the most accurate thing said this season. And the breaking of the 4th wall there was pretty outstanding. Very rarely have you ever heard a contestant on this show acknowledge the fact they’re filming a show. And when Courtney came back into the room and asked everyone to raise their hand who thought she was the cancer of the house (what Demi told Colton she was), the fact that Demi was the only one to raise her hand and others immediately called Demi out for that, pretty much tells you all you need to know about Demi. She did what she wanted out there to gain as much attention for herself as possible. She calls others the mean girls when it was her being the mean girl the whole time. I feel like I’m watching a 7th grader watching her on TV. Of course, Demi doesn’t see it whatsoever, thinks she’s not the least bit in the wrong, and will run with this edit for as long as it’ll take her, which makes her infinitely more annoying. Unfortunately she’s gonna be on our TV all summer people. Get ready.
-Rose ceremony time. Tayshia, Demi, and Caelynn safe with roses. Colton has a lot to say people. Give him time. “This has been an unbelievable week. Thank you for making this an unbelievable start to a great journey.” Two sentences, two “unbelievables.” Unbelievable.
Hannah G.: I’d be covering my face on my IG story last night watching that back too if I were her.
Heather: She’s still there. Hasn’t slept with a guy. Hasn’t kissed a guy. That all changes next week. Well, the kissing part.
Kirpa: It’s good to see that they’re giving background characters so much air time this season.
Hannah B.: For the first hour of the show, it seemed like Hannah B. did every ITM. What are they do now that Hannah and Caelynn have squashed their feud and Demi’s two enemies (Tracy and Courtney) are gone?
Katie: Ummm, she dances and stuff.
Elyse: After a week that had social media loving Elyse, clamoring for her to be the “Bachelorette,” saying she was the most real person on the show, she gets no air-time and next week she leaves on her own. Yeah, not happening people.
Sydney: Ummm, she dances and stuff.
Cassie: He likey.
Nicole: Chris Harrison said at the beginning of the season that Ashley I. now had a rival in crying when speaking of Nicole. Yeah, we’ve seen her shed a few tears, but she’s not even in Ashley’s stratosphere and Nicole gets eliminated next week. More hyperbole.
“Ladies, Colton, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. I’ll be texting my new boo over here in the corner as I’ve moved on from dating contestants and now will just date people who cover the contestants.”
Onyeka: She’s still there too.
Next week, on to Thailand where Cassie and Heather get 1-on-1’s, everyone who isn’t already on will start swooning about how Cassie and Colton look together and what a perfect couple they make blah blah blah, all while 99% of them have no idea she was filming another reality show with her ex-boyfriend a week before she left for Colton’s season. But I’m sure that won’t matter to anyone in the least bit who’s a Col-assie fan. Or Cass-ton fan. Whatever their name is.
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