-First group date starts off the show and the guys show up in a full on sprint to see her like this was the NFL combine. Did they do the cone drill too? Standing broad jump? Whatever the case, Mike won the race and didn’t necessarily hug her, but picked her up from her waist and listed her in the air like a male cheerleader would if he was about to throw the other tiny cheerleader in the air. Me Mike. Me strong like bull. What if Mike underestimated his strength, threw her ridiculously high and then dropped her? That would’ve been two hospital trips this episode.
-They show up in a room where Jason Biggs and his wife Jenny Mollen are pretending to give birth. Would’ve been much more humorous if they would’ve just walked in on Jason f***ing a pie again. I don’t care how many years old that movie is, it’s one of the most iconic scenes ever. They had Chris Soules re-create the scene of John Bender on the football field from “Breakfast Club,” could we not break out an apple pie for Jason to bang so I can get a good laugh? Is that asking too much? This show is supposed to entertain me dammit.
-The date consists of learning about the female anatomy, focusing primarily on birth. One guy thought the uterus grows the most. Another one thought the gestational period lasts a couple months. Did any of these guys take Sex Wd after sixth grade or do they all just have horrible memories? Now granted, when I was in 6th grade and in my first Sex Ed class, we had to label male and female body parts and I put the Fallopian Tubes in the male. But that’s the point: I was 11. Not a mid-20s male who’s seemingly educated. I’m glad they didn’t show us more answers from the guys. I fear one of them might’ve thought you could get pregnant from a handy.
-Then they had to experience what it was like being a woman. No they didn’t put them in a 72 degree room and say they were cold. I’m kidding. I think. Hey, I can only speak of my experiences with, I don’t know, every single girl I’ve ever been with and they were all cold all the time. So there’s that. No, these guys had to experience child birth. They made them push a watermelon out through their penis. Or not. But they did hook them up to a device that apparently gave them the same pain feeling as delivering a child. How close it was to the pain of child birth, but considering 7 of the 8 were able to handle it fairly well, I’m guessing it wasn’t quite the exact same feeling. Except for J Paul J, who either overacted or, well, overacted.
-At the after party, Jed gets time first as they head to the top of some LA hotel. He tells her “I’ve never seen a city this big.” Is that kind of an odd thing to say? I mean, it’s not like he’s from some random small town. He lives in Nashville. And no, Nashville is not as big as LA. But if Jed were having that exact same conversation atop a hotel in Nashville, you’d basically be seeing the exact same thing – a giant city. Can you really tell how big a city is by overlooking it? Your eyes can only see a certain distance then everything kinda looks the same, no? I don’t know. Just seemed like a weird comment to me. I think, “Wow, I’ve never been to LA. Seeing it like this is unbelievable” would be more appropriate. Whatever. Hannah didn’t care. She tongue wrestled him for a little bit and that was that.
-Mike tells her a story of how his ex got pregnant and they lost the baby in the second trimester. Way to bring the mood down, Mike. Awful story. Hate to hear he had to go through that. But in these settings, once somebody tells a private story like that, especially during an after party, you pretty much expect them to get the group date rose. It’s almost a given. And you know who doesn’t get one in that situation? The guy who interrupts the guy talking about losing a baby with an ex as Cam came in three different times looking for time with Hannah. Oh boy, here we go…
-We all know how this goes by now in regards to people interrupting during someone else’s alone time. It’s spurred on by producers. They tell you when you can and can’t talk to the lead. I expressed this on Twitter last night and former contestant and podcast guest Michael Garofola chimed in with an interesting point…
It's true, but there is still free will. You have the option to go, "nah, I'd rather not," which could force producers' hands with how to handle your narrative going forward.
— Michael G. (@MichaelGarofola) May 28, 2019
So yes, you do have the capability to tell a producer you don’t want to do that. But over the years, season after season, how many contestants have we seen every season where we go, “What are they doing?” Yes, it’s ultimately on them. But we also don’t know what a producer is saying to them behind the scenes to prod them to do it. I’ve heard stories of, “If you don’t do this, you’re probably not getting a rose tonight.” So while it all falls on Cam because he could’ve said no, lets all remember how manipulative the producers can be. It happens every season.
-Tyler gets some time with her and essentially he says he’s all about woman power. Calls Hannah a bad ass woman and he wants to be her arm candy because “he tastes good too.” And that probably went in a direction in some women’s minds watching this show that I don’t wanna know about. But you know they were thinking it. As good as Cam thinks he tastes, Hannah gives the group date rose to Mike over everyone else, and lets just say as an audience member, I don’t think any of us were surprised.
