-Lets get started. Since we basically had a week off last week due to their BS recap episode, it’s time to return to our regularly scheduled programming. Yes, your TV guide might’ve said “The Bachelorette” last night, but lets be honest, it should’ve said “The Luke P Show with a Side of Lets All Hate on Jed’s Douchiness.” Because that’s all this show is now. Letting Luke P continue to dominate every single thing even though he only appears on group dates, and everyone else just giggling and smirking at anything Jed does now in light of the recent stories, text messages, and pictures shared by Haley Stevens. I mean, how can you not just shake your head at or, well, completely laugh your face off at anything this guy says or does on camera? I know I can’t help myself.
-Hannah is in Latvia and she’s ready to put all the drama behind her and get ready for what’s ahead. Hannah: “I want this week to remind me of why I’m here…I want a man that fights for me…remind me of why I’m loved.” That’s an excellent perspective to have, Hannah. Totally on board with that. What if I threw this caveat in there? Would you also be interested in a man who writes love letters to his girlfriend the day before he leaves for filming? How does that float your boat? Make you all tingly inside that days before he left, he’s in the Bahamas exchanging “I Love You’s” with her, then two weeks later declaring his love for you and spouting cheesy ass lyrics to a song he made up probably for her but played it off like it was for you? That get you all excited? Well, this is your life, Hannah Brown. Unfortunately.
-Her first 1-on-1 is with Garrett and she talks about how Garrett “has been slower to open up.” Translation: He’s going home soon. Look, that’s not being mean, that’s being realistic. You’ve seen her straddle, mount, climb on top 3 of these 9 guys left – Peter, Jed, and Tyler. She does that for no one else. I’m sorry, it’s not a coincidence those are her final three. But since they try and give as many as they can 1-on-1 dates, and Garrett was higher on her radar than Dylan and Dustin, Garrett gets this date where they will be naked bungee jumping. Well, sort of. Earlier yesterday, Hannah released an IG story stating this:
“My no-no square touched nobody else’s no-no square.” ?? she’s too pure ? pic.twitter.com/dSmNc2UH28
— Natasha (@mauinatasha) June 25, 2019
Yes, that’s the first time I’ve heard it called a no-no square. And if we’re being technical, is it really a square? I’d say more of a triangle. But hey, what do I know about shapes. Anyway, she took off her bra once they were about to jump. But it’s not like she ran around with her top off or Garrett even saw her exposed. They were already pushed together hugging each other at that point. And then her video says she had bottoms on. So yeah, it’s not really that hard to figure out that both of them were clothed in their nether regions. So this constant fight all episode long about Hannah and Garrett naked bungee jumping just wasn’t accurate. Yet, the show perpetuated this lie to advance their storyline. Old, tired, worn out, and just nonsense. Yet, how much of the episode was based around this lie? So stupid.
-That’s five bungee jump dates that immediately come to my mind when thinking about this show. Juan Pablo/Chelsie, Jason/Molly, Jake/Vienna, Colton/Tayshia, and now Hannah/Garrett. Were there more? If there was, I’m blanking. A few mentioned Sean and Sarah Herron, but they didn’t bungee jump. They did scale the side of an LA building, but it wasn’t a bungee jump. Maybe there were more than those five, but if there were, I’m blanking on it. Whatever the case, these two did it, there was no sex mid-jump because lets face it, that would be incredibly hard to do. And the fact there were snow flurries that day during this date, I’m guessing even getting hard would’ve been an issue for Garrett. Lets move on, shall we?
-Garrett really went hard for the bungee jump/love similarities. “You hold on for dear life, you trust each other, take the leap of faith, and hope something good happens in the end.” Wonderful. What producer fed him that line? Very possible the producer that fed every other past contestants who did a bungee jump roughly the same line of how they can compare it to love. But it was after this where Garrett really became a wordsmith. So we’ve heard people on this show say, “I’m starting to fall in love with you,” “I can see myself falling in love with you,” “I’m falling in love with you,” and “I’m in love with you.” Garrett brought a whole new phrase to the game. Try this one on for size. Garrett: “I’m falling in love for you.” Huh? Whaaaaaa? I don’t even know what that means. So Hannah is falling in love with other guys, but Garrett is doing it for her? Maybe? Yes? No? I don’t have a f***ing clue. Should she say “you’re welcome” to that? I’m as baffled as you. But Garrett got the rose and now I’m dumber for it.
adelina
June 25, 2019 at 9:52 AM
I sure hope Pilot Pete doesn’t get the Bach gig. I don’t see the attraction with him at all. Yes he seems like a nice enough guy, but he also looks like he’s 12 years old with a pre-pubescent mustache to match. Tyler, while mighty fine looking, is a bit too much. What were those pants last night…dress pants, sweats, leggings? A combo of both? He’s hot. He knows he’s hot. I don’t trust him.
I like Hannah well enough but her handling of crazy eyes Luke is making me question her maturity and readiness for marriage. If you don’t see all the red flags sprouting from every orifice on this guy, how can you possibly make a well thought out decision on marriage or engagement?
justsaying
June 25, 2019 at 10:25 AM
I agree Adelina. Unfortunately, Peter is dorky and Tyler is one-dimensional. There are angles of Tyler where he’s not hot ??
My favorite remains to be Mike, he’s tall, charismatic, hot and has a job. It’s a no-brainer who SHOULD be the bachelor, to me. Unfortunately, that’s not how this franchise works and in addition, Steve’s smearing Mike. Sucks!
The worst thing Hannah can do, as a woman ( Hannah’s very own famous words), during the AFTR show, is to dismiss or downplay Haley’s concrete story. We expect it from loser-Jed but if Hannah justify his behavior, that’ll be vomit-inducing.
crushonspivey
June 25, 2019 at 10:37 AM
HEY EVERYBODY!! HANHAH’S BERMUDA TRIANGLE WAS NOT HARMED OR PROBED OR TOUCHED IN THE MAKING OF THAT EPISODE!!!! Because that is something none of us ever really wanted to discuss about this show.
THE depths this show will go to for attention. Like an immature teenager. Oh, and Hannah too. She has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old girl, and the communication skills to go with it. Maybe she’s up to 16 now. Progress!
As to the Bachelor, just scrap this group and pull from elsewhere. I’m guessing that is why Bukowski is on Paradise. They know they have slim pickings and are grabbing retreads.
Susan
June 25, 2019 at 10:38 AM
This is awful to watch. I really was excited about Hannah and thought she was a breath of fresh air, but yikes keeping Luke around is a really bad look. I’ve only got to hope there are really nice scenes of him that they’re not showing since it doesn’t push their story line, but this is awful. I also question her maturity on this one, or if the producers are making her keep him for drama, which I wouldn’t put past them. It’s got to be horrible for the other guys on the show to have this constant Luke show going on, I know it’s hard to watch. I would love to know where her head is at for keeping him around, but I’m sure we won’t ever get it. I do hope she finds someone great, because I do think she’s a sweet person, just awful taste in men.
dbla31
June 25, 2019 at 11:10 AM
A few thoughts… I’m half Latvian and had to look this bungee place up. It does exist and pre-dated the show. I don’t think they are saying this is a big “thing” in Latvia, just this one group doing it. How excited must the Bachelorette producers have been to find this crazy activity? It is perfect for them. A “pirts” is a real thing. Just another name for a sauna. There is even a Latvian Wikipedia entry on it.
As far as the guys, I agree with the above posters on Peter. So boring. And it sounds like his one that got away for no discernable reason was totally the one he dumped to be on tv. Tyler has been my fave since his intro video. I could deal with him as Bachelor.
Have never liked Jed, even before the big ex-gf story. I am so curious about how Hannah will play this, because let’s be honest, Jed did EXACTLY what the guy did who was outed by Demi the first night — came on with a girlfriend. By those standards he should be kicked to the curb too. If only she has the strength to do that at ATFR. That might make this whole season worthwhile!
jeanann
June 25, 2019 at 12:55 PM
I can’t be the only person who thinks Luke is entirely a production-assisted problem for Hannah. Last week they had a conversation during which she could hardly stand to look at him, and seemed to back away or lean away when he got close to her. I don’t really think she likes him at all, and she’s been acting like she does to liven up the story line. As for Luke, I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’s sociopathic, trying to “express his feelings” by parroting back to Hannah what she’s asking him to say, and maybe even beyond that to psychopathic. His professed love is creepy. Although he could be a skillful paid actor, you never know. We’ll probably see him in Paradise.
dogmomma
June 25, 2019 at 1:04 PM
If Tyler gets the Bachelor gig, would someone PLEASE get the guy pants that fit. What he wore last night looked like something he borrowed from Hannah.
This season has gotten me so inside my head…. are we headed for Hannah to do the ol’ switcheroo at the end and choose Tyler after she dumps Jed on the live ATFR…. Was this planned all along for something different by production… is Reality Steve really working for ABC and he helped set this up….does Hannah secretly end up with Luke after Jed is exposed and Tyler goes on to be the bachelor…..My head is about to explode. I need answers.
ctrealitygirl
June 25, 2019 at 1:49 PM
Haha dogmomma! Thanks for commenting on Tyler’s pants! I think he’s darn hot but when they filmed him walking away with those awful fitting white pants I cringed! I’d be livid if I watched a back view of myself looking that bad! I love all your scenarios. I think i read recently that when the first limo pulled up at the engagement site (aka, the rejection limo)…Hannah had a sudden change of heart and kept the rejection guy and sent home her original pick. Curious to see if that’s what happens. Certainly is a sh$@*tstorm of a season!
Stephanie
June 25, 2019 at 2:40 PM
I am so disappointed that this woman backed out of her interview. Shame on everyone who gave Haley such a difficult time. Women should be supporting each other and looking for the positive we see in each other. How about commending her for her bravery? How will things ever change if we continue to cut each other down? Womens rights have come a long way but don’t compare to other minority groups and we need to look at why. It makes me sick. We can’t stick together to make a difference because we are too busy looking at each other as threats. Haley was lied to and manipulated so a man could further his career. I’m proud of her for standing up for herself. He went on a TV show and put himself in the public eye so it’s only fair we know the whole truth.
Peter’s ex, if you happen to read this, I hope you change your mind. Men will continue to go on this and other dating shows with girls like you on the side so long as they think you’ll keep their filthy secrets. Peter could end up as the bachelor while women leave their lives behind to fall in love with a good man. If Peter isn’t worthy of that position then we need to know that. Don’t let fear keep you from doing the right thing. Report the truth.
dogmomma
June 25, 2019 at 4:15 PM
ctrealitygirl, so if she goes with the first person to get out of the limo, then that would be something new for the show since the first person usually goes home with a broken heart. So was this all an evil plan from the beginning??? The show is always looking for a new angle to make it different. I’m not sure I can handle all this craziness. And with all the conspiracy theories, it’s just torture. I spent a good 20 minutes with my Bachelorette-watching friend discussing all the possible scenarios and how much of it was planned early on and who is getting paid extra to be crazy…Unfortunately we didn’t solve the mystery. How I long for the simpler days of mindless love stories unfolding…
dogmomma
June 25, 2019 at 4:43 PM
jeanann… I agree with a lot of what you said. It just seems so odd that Hannah would keep Luke around when she clearly is annoyed with him most of the time. The only thing that makes sense is that she was told to keep him until the final 4, unless she is just really unstable and immature. But every season they seem to have that one person that viewers hate but they stay around way too long. And the things he says…. I find it hard to believe that he is saying those things unless he’s getting paid or is a really good actor, or is a total psycho. So many of the Bachelorettes have found love on the show, but I don’t see how Hannah is going to be able to do that given her choices and all the drama with guys and ex-girlfriends and not being there for “the right reason”.
LM111
June 25, 2019 at 6:26 PM
I really don’t see the big deal with Jed having a girlfriend before he left. So what? She wasn’t a wife or fiancee. Jed is a single man and he dated before the show. Perfectly normal. What’s not normal is his ex-girlfriend displaying the dirty laundry to anyone that will listen. Geez lady, where’s your discretion? The classy thing to do would’ve been to have a private conversation with Jed when he got back. She looks immature and vindictive. Display some dignity, girl.
Now, about Hannah. I’m sorry. What I’m about to say is truly horrible, but it’s the reason that I’ve only watched one episode this season. Hannah’s mouth! That GIANT mouth. That GIANT mouth that she opens as WIDE as possible. I can’t look at it. It’s so off-putting to me. And, to make it worse, it’s like she’s trying to exaggerate it.
Sorry, but true. Come at me, haters.
basicallyacatlady
June 25, 2019 at 8:51 PM
Hi Steve,
I enjoy your spoilers and point of view. Just FYI on a spelling mistake – geysers are exploding hot springs (e.g. old faithful, Yellowstone), and I think you meant geezers.
Cheers!
jenscho
June 25, 2019 at 9:01 PM
I think maybe Garrett meant to say “I’m falling for you” unless he’s trying to be different by adding his own twist making it- “I’m falling in love for you”.
justsaying
June 26, 2019 at 7:07 AM
LM111 or rather Jed-apologist,
Who the heck have you been dating?? Have some standards.
To all Jed-apologists,
Aren’t you women’s worst enemy? Tearing women down while making lame excuses for men like Jed. Meanwhile, sleaze balls like Jed are rubbing their hands together, sitting back and laughing or making us listen to his crappy songs ?
Women should support women and real men be our allies. Haley doesn’t look immature or vindictive.
thecuriousgeorgette
June 26, 2019 at 9:40 AM
LM111,
I’m sorry, but how do you NOT see what Jed did as ethically questionable? He lied to his girlfriend, led her to believe him going on the show was just a publicity stunt for his music career, claimed it was all going to be fake and that he was coming back for her. This is a big deal because how can Hannah or ANY woman after this, for that matter, trust this dude!? He’s literally trying to fake it til he makes it by USING other people. And that’s messed up.
tinyred500
June 26, 2019 at 2:26 PM
@LM111. Ouch! Am I missing something here? Jed was going out with Hayley when he went for filming the Bachelorette, but Hannah didn’t know he had a girlfriend already? You think this is okay? How can that be in anyway okay and acceptable behaviour? No female should be okay with being treated like that, if not, they really ought to acquire some self-respect.
I don’t think Jed is the worst man around, but please let’s not make apologies on his behalf over this. I don’t blame Hayley for speaking out, my only issue is she’s talking to a lot of different media outlets, perhaps not a wise thing to do, it’s not a good look (I agree with Steve on this). The other concern I have (though I hope in every way it’s not true and I’m completely wrong ), is that’s she’s possibly in cahoots with Jed for publicity. Other than that, both Hayley and Hannah deserve far better.
By the way, why not state people can agree to disagree with you, the term ‘haters’, is so infantile. 🙁
tinyred500
June 26, 2019 at 2:34 PM
I agree with you.
cjscjs711
June 27, 2019 at 8:03 AM
I thought Producers had learned their lessons years ago. These performers pretending to be interested “for the right reasons” but really only seeking to promote their acting/singing/etc. careers. For a time it looked like Producers realized this is not what viewers like to waste their time seeing and were casting more ‘real people.’ So I was surprised to see Jed cast, AND allowed to take advantage of the show, given so much air time for his lousy singing. God bless his ex for exposing him. Totally deserved.
LM111
June 27, 2019 at 9:32 AM
Wow. Maybe I need to elaborate. The reason I don’t fault Jed is THIS: He told Haley ahead of time that he was going on The BACHELORETTE. And, that gave her a choice – break up with him, or stay in a relationship with a man that just told you straight out that’s going to date a beautiful woman (SIDENOTE: to the person that asked what kind of guys I date: .Guys that DIDN’T just tell me they’re about to go date another beautiful woman!). I mean, come on! I’m not a “Jed-apologist”, I’m not “putting women down”, I just expect a self respecting woman to say “no sir, if that’s what you want to do, do it. I’m living my life”. In other words, let go or be dragged. Don’t blame the guy for your lack of self-worth.
As for Jed – he went on the show for his career (and he told Hannah that). Of course, there’s always the (unlikely) possibility that he’ll develop real feelings for the lead. He knew that. And more importantly, Haley knew that.
And, “haters” just because I think it’s a funny expression. Lighten up, people!
justsaying
June 27, 2019 at 11:37 AM
LM111,
You put down Haley so many times in just a few sentences and make excuses for Jed’s have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too-policy. How is that not being a Jed-apologist or not putting women down??
No Jed DOES NOT get to manipulate Haley and say he might go on a dating-show and then to dangle-the-carrot by repeating ‘I love you’, ‘I love you’, ‘I love you’ throughout their courtship and how he’ll return to Haley once he hit top 5 only to not be bothered to return. Haley’s only sin was to falling for Jed fake, manipulative narrative.
Again, Grocery-Joe (thank you for being a women-ally) said it best. Jed should have signed up for American Idol, not a dating show.
upmyalley
June 29, 2019 at 7:50 PM
1) Jed is not good looking and has a funky head. 2) Jed has little to no talent and would be told no on any and every singing show.
3) Hannah is dumber than rocks if she believes Jed is there for her now or that he ever was.
4) Being engaged or even being with the Bachelorette will never jump start a career for Jed bc he just doesn’t have ‘it’.
5) Haley did the right thing by calling him out.
6) Jed actually put the nail in his own coffin.
7) Peter IS boring and a dork.
8) Hannah is (full in the blank) very confused naturally I think.
9) Luke is a prude.
10) Everyone having to do with that show is sick in some way or other.
11) I like watching sick people be stoopid.