Hey Steve!,
First I want to let you know all the info you provide is the only reason I watch the bachelorette/bachelor/BIP. I personally think this franchise is a complete train wreck and used to have absolutely no interest. I found your website about 2 years ago and love everything that you do and the brutally honest way of delivering it that only you can do. Now I watch with the behind the scenes info you give to see the mess unfold. Not sure how you do it but totally fascinated so keep doing you!
I read an article on US Weekly where Robert Mills says: “Matt did something on night one that we’ve never had happen before … It’s not what you think though, it’s really crazy,” Mills teased. “[But] I feel confident saying Matt James will be the only Bachelor this season.” Any idea yet what this is? Curious if it’s “really crazy” or just Robert Mills “crazy”
Thanks for your time!
Comment: Nope. Haven’t heard yet. But I guarantee you before Jan. 4th (his premiere), you’ll know.
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Hi Steve,
Before I get to questions, I just wanted to say I loved your podcast with Carly. I think it’s so cool of you to shed light on the douchebags in this franchise.
My first question is what are your true thoughts on Dale? I know you don’t show much interest in anyone on this show, but I’m curious what you think of him. I personally really like him and think he’s really into Clare. It’s tough to gauge just on what we’ve seen. Seems like a normal dude, and seems really into Clare. One can only hope he didn’t do this for attention.
Second, if you could spend one day with any celebrity, who would it be? I honestly don’t care about celebrities. I’ve never had any craving to meet them, become friends, etc. But if I could get time with a Taylor Swift, Lebron, Tiger, someone who is at the top of their craft, I’d love to pick their brain.
Lastly, can you remember any season that has gotten more hate than this one? I’ve been watching since Emily and I can’t think of anything to this extent. I know Arie got a lot of hate, but this is just overall insane and so sad. I feel terrible for Clare.
Thanks for doing this every week!
Comment: There’s always people that will complain and bitch about every season, so this isn’t new. But the LEVEL of hatred seems to be something we haven’t seen before.
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I am SO in your corner with your last review of Bachelorette, Clare, Yosef, and Matt!! I am also disappointed in the immaturity of people responding in such ugly ways and brainwashing the show has done to their viewers.
It’s as if the show is a normal way of dating which it isn’t. It’s obvious that many of the cast members have had some therapy after their experiences on the show.
It’s literally social experimentation. And with Clare being “older” at least with life experience, much that she has healed thru and risen from on her own (not in the media), she SHOULD be giving herself a rose for doing things HER way instead of the bs going on all around her…whether by production or the group mentality of several of the guys who don’t like that it’s not going their way.
Isnt the point of the Bachelorette for the lead/woman to find love? Now that she seems to have found love, everyone wants her to “play the game”…..and why? I have to ask myself why…perhaps because these guys that feel that way aren’t getting their camera time, which shows their main reason for signing up.
And regarding Zach: not only did he put his hands around her throat, totally unbidden by Clare’s verbal no’s but nonverbal by her walking away! Agree 100% with you and have one other thing to point out – he had his hand on her stomach also trying to hold her back from getting out of the pool. The stomach area is also very personal area that shouldn’t be touched without consent. If ANYTHING impacted her to start to walk away, as a woman myself, I would say it was first his hand on her stomach when they had not established that personal of relationship. And as a massage therapist, it is common knowledge in the legitimate bodywork industry that anyone who has been victimized like Clare has, the stomach is intensely personal emotional center and protected and when getting a massage, many victims cannot handle it at all. Agree with all of this.
Finally, Vulture.com ran an article on Bachelorette and Clare stating that Robert Mills decided when Clare was done- when she didn’t give out that evening’s rose and gave it to herself instead. He evidently dictated to production that Clare was out. Now he may have been covering for that decision having been made even earlier. Can’t believe all we read. That’s 100% not when they made their decision, that’s for sure.
IMHO, that could have been used to really support Clare in her journey, and people would have still watched…something different, right?…..but Mills didn’t have the foresight or the maturity to see why she did it that way. Yeah, and they probably wanted her out even before they started….too many months of covid lock down in between. And using Tayshia is in keeping with the current political situation. It’s pretty transparent. I love Tayshia but she’s just Production’s pawn, currently. I’d rather have seen her get cast for her own rights.
Thanks for allowing my 5cents. I can’t handle social media at all for the reasons you listed over Clare and I wanted to support your very serious reaction and education for those who don’t get it. I’m glad there are a few folks like you who DO get it and let people know.
Comment: I’m even being accused of being performative, or woke, or whatever. Not to mention because I defend Clare that means I’m biased. I’d be saying this about ANY Bachelorette who got this edit, so those are just ignorant statements to make.
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Hi Steve,
I hope it’s not too late for Reader Emails! This week, I was particularly disturbed by the outpouring of support for Yosef and Zach J., after they engaged in distinct, but abusive behavior towards Clare. The fact that the craziest of “fans” in Bachelor Nation have since elevated their hatred for Clare by posting her address/phone number on social media is not totally shocking, but does seem like a new level of problematic behavior from Bachelor Nation. I appreciate the fact that you and Ashley Spivey have called out this toxic fandom, but am surprised ABC/the franchise/former contestants didn’t immediately put out a statement in an attempt to stop the madness. Toxic Bachelor Nation. I’m gonna get this to be a thing if it’s the last thing I do.
But the more I think about it, I wonder what ABC, the franchise, Chris Harrison, etc. can do to actually address this behavior. I cringe at the thought of Chris Harrison interviewing Clare during a segment of Men Tell All and denouncing online bullying. I can’t stand the thought of Clare being asked to read mean tweets that people wrote about her or Rachel being asked to read some of the most vile, racist, hate-filled tweets from Bachelor Nation fandom to make some type of point about racism and misogyny in Bachelor Nation. At the risk of sounding pessimistic, I wonder if there is no good solution, especially because of how people respond to truth these days. I really don’t think there is a good solution since this fanbase gets more and more toxic every season. There’s ALWAYS gonna be shitty people out there who hide behind computers and rail against whatever online. That’s not gonna change no matter what I say, what Ashley says, what Rachel says, or what the show does. All you can do is try and be better and call it out when you see it.
By way of analogy, I shared a Facebook post with friends, family, and acquaintances about my particularly horrible experience having COVID, despite wearing a mask and doing everything right to prevent it. One group of people wished me well and said we have to take COVID more seriously. Another group of people said my experience was a sober reminder of what it means to have COVID and said they’d reach out to that person or group of people in their life who still think COVID is a hoax. But sadly, a small subset of people’s takeaway was something along the lines of what’s the point of wearing a mask if you can still get COVID; see, I told you masks aren’t 100% effective, so why wear one. Whoa, you mean to tell me there are people on Facebook who are anti-mask and make fun of others who aren’t? No way!
Going back to Bachelor Nation, it seems like any response to the franchise is going to be somewhat similar. It is going to involve a subset of people finding the extreme fandom’s behavior toxic and disturbing. There’s going to be another subset that maybe begin to come to realize how toxic this franchise is and start to speak out. But the most problematic people, the people posting Clare’s address and phone number, are going to be so committed to their version of truth that the actual truth/a callout from the franchise just won’t change their minds. I just imagine people in that group continuing to blame Clare even more so than they have already done and continuing to spew their vile hot takes for their 1-17 followers on social media.
I guess I’m curious what your thoughts are since again, this seems like fans have reached an unacceptable new low, terrorizing Clare for reasons I’ll never understand.
Thanks!
Comment: Like I said, there will never be a solution that makes it all stop and you’ll never see a hate/vile comment left on someone’s social platforms. However, I think one thing people can do is call out those accounts who DO leave messages like that. I know I’ve started to and will continue to do so. I criticize the show. I criticize the contestants. I make fun of stupid shit that happens. But that’s completely different than bullying, issuing death threats, etc. There’s a major difference between criticism and hate, and a lot of people for some reason can’t see that difference.
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Hi Steve,
I have a thought about Luke Parker being sued. Given the idea that ABC set Clare up to be replaced Tayshia from the beginning, do you think they sued Luke Parker as a scare tactic so Clare wouldn’t speak? Telling Clare something along the lines of “if you talk about what really happen, we’ll sue you like we did Luke Parker”.
What do you think?
Comment: I don’t think them suing Luke has anything to do with Clare. I still don’t know what their hard-on is for him when so many other contestants have done what he did.
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Hi Steve!
Hope you are well! Thank you for doing what you do.
I just wondered if you know how/why Hannah G has become friends with the Selling Sunset cast? I know her and Dylan just bought a house, but I wondered if maybe there’s more to it.. eventually a Selling Sunset appearance in her future? Do you have any idea how this came to be or why?
Comment: I know nothing about that.
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Hey Steve,
One comment re this season: I occasionally comment on Kristen’s recap on EW.com, and my comment this week was nearly verbatim what you said about people with kids who choose to go on these shows. My contention was that Yusef used his daughter as a pawn and that it was despicable. Unless you’re in the military and being deployed, there is virtually no justifiable reason to leave your young child for an extended length of time. Children don’t understand time in the same way adults do, and extended absences can seem permanent to them. If his daughter is bonded to him, his prolonged absence could have a profound negative effect on her psyche. It’s irresponsible, plain and simple, and I could even make a case for it being abuse. After listening to your podcast with Carly Hammond, I’m convinced that he a complete and utter tool that just wants to party and f*ck as many women as possible. Really glad Carly didn’t sleep with the guy!
Btw, I love the Clare/Dale love story, although it doesn’t make for great TV. I get that, so I’m looking forward to Thursday’s episode and the transition to Tayshia.
Comment: Lets make one thing clear: I’m not against people with children coming on the show at all. What I’m saying is once they make the CHOICE to do so, you can’t then complain about “what you’re giving up to be here” and “I could be spending time with my child right now” etc. That makes no sense to me. If someone with a child wants to come on, that is their decision. It’s how they act once they come on that I usually end up having an issue with because no one forced you to be there.
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Hi Steve,
I just finished reading Sharleen’s recap of episode 3 and breaks down the Zach J date in a totally different way from what you or anyone else really is saying. I’m just wondering if you have read Sharleen’s analysis and what your thoughts are compared to your initial reactions. My thoughts about the date definitely changed after reading her recap.
Comment: I read it. And I knew she was gonna write it before she did because we talked about the episode after it aired. I 100% couldn’t disagree more with Sharleen’s take on the Zach situation, and she knows that. You should see the text conversation we had about it. Went on for close to an hour. She doesn’t see my side and I don’t see her side. She’s focusing on context and Zach’s intent and Clare’s body and verbal cues, and to me, none of that matters to me. His motives I think were pure. His actions absolutely weren’t. Sharleen thinks his actions were caused by Clare’s reaction, thus warranted. I wholeheartedly disagree. But that’s fine. Sharleen is entitled to that opinion. I just don’t see it that way at all.
Does it change my opinion of Sharleen? Not at all. I still love her to death and is one of my favorite people in Bachelor Nation. Am I surprised that was her take on it? Yes.
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Hi Steve,
Wanted to get your expert opinion on something. So during this season we have seen how viewers started by saying they wanted a strong, empowered Bachelorette who would stand her ground, and have now turned on Clare for seemingly doing just that by “following her heart.” I definitely see both sides of this. It has always been somewhat frustrating watching women being taken advantage of by men who are on the show for the wrong reasons and compromising themselves for said men. But as Clare has shown us, it isn’t necessarily possible to have a full, legitimate season of the Bachelorette with a woman who does whatever she wants and runs off as soon as she falls in love. They kind of need a woman who is willing to go along with the process even if she believes she’s already found her man. Otherwise, no show. Yeah, all the leads have to basically play the game, whether they are smitten after the first episode or not. I don’t think this will set a bad precedent in the future because Clare was still the only lead to see her cast before the show started. That was the major reason they did what they did this season.
But, I would like to think there is some kind of middleground. It doesn’t have to be a woman leading all the other men on even though they don’t stand a chance, but it also doesn’t have to be a woman running off two weeks in just to avoid leading the men on. I’m going to tell you what I’d like to think I would do in Clare’s situation, and I’d like you to tell me if you think that would be a viable option based on what you know about production. Admittedly, I understand that production was likely planning for Clare’s departure since they had Tayshia already waiting in the wings, but for purposes of this hypothetical, let’s assume production didn’t plan for this situation and Clare unexpectedly realized she wanted to be with Dale right away.
If I were Clare, and realized on night 1 that I wanted to be with Dale, and from that point forward felt like it would be unfair to the guys to lead them on with dates and such, here is what I would do: I would first obviously talk to Dale to make sure that he does indeed feel the same way and wants to be with me as well. If so, I would have a meeting with all of the men. I would be honest and tell them that Dale and I are in love, and plan to be together. I would then tell them that because I have a contract to produce an entire season of the Bachelorette, I would be willing to move forward with the show just for the sake of producing a show. Everyone would know that they don’t have a chance at love, and that from that point forward, the dates are just a way for them to have fun and go on awesome dates and get free food and alcohol, etc. There would obviously need to be some acting involved. If anyone was uncomfortable moving forward that way, then they can just say so, and they would be eliminated at the next rose ceremony. The rest of the men who are comfortable with staying would just get their screen time and have fun, until it eventually narrows down to Dale getting the final rose.
This seems pretty simple and easy. I don’t see why they couldn’t do this, and as Clare I would feel no guilt knowing that I was honest with everyone involved, and only had people continue who were comfortable with doing so. There would be no real guilt about tricking the viewers, as viewers of the show already know the show is super-produced.
What do you think?
Comment: I think the show would hear that conversation no matter how hard they tried to keep it private. I think they’d know and they’d step in a do something. Probably similar to what we saw play out.
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Ok, not sure if this has been asked or talked about but here goes…
This whole Tayshia thing and how she was already there and how it was always the plan to bring her in and how she was quarantining for two weeks before, that I get and understand.
What I don’t understand is how they were able to so easily make it possible for her to take Claire’s place? Obviously, it’s completely reasonable to replace Claire since she has a one track mind right now and it will be easy to insert Tayshia because it’s clear as day that Claire only has one person in mind and is not giving anyone else a chance. But if she liked a few people other than Dale, how in the hell were they going to introduce Tayshia? Does that make any sense? Because right now with the way everything’s played out, it almost feels like it’s a scripted show and this was supposed to happen. But as it seems in the previews, Chris Harrison is maybe setting up to feel like they decided to call Tayshia because Claire was only interested in Dale?
I guess my main question is how could they have predicted this from the start? Or if they didn’t predict it, how did it work out so perfectly for them? Because it almost doesn’t even feel like a prediction, it feels like they were either banking on Claire to only like one person or they were somehow going to find a way to remove her anyway to throw in Tayshia even if she wasn’t fixated on Dale. Do you have any insight? The whole thing just kinda makes no sense on how they were going to just give us Tayshia after a few weeks of Claire.
Comment: Well, Chris is lying when he’s making it seem like Clare forced their hand. That just didn’t happen. They knew Clare was going to fall for Dale and were going to make her if she resisted. They knew how much she liked him heading into the show. So while it seems kinda far fetched of “How did they know she’d fall for him,” they knew. They were talking to her for 4 months straight.
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Hi Steve,
Just saw the preview for The Bachelorette and was thinking about some of the things that you have written that I wanted to comment on. The main thing is that you were pretty adamant that the rumors that Claire didn’t want to shoot or come out of her room were not true. But from what we’ve seen, those rumors were true. How many dates did she refuse to go out on? At least three partial dates, cocktail parties. How does that prove she didn’t come out of her room and locked herself in the closet like the stories reported? A mighty big jump you’re making there.
I agree that Claire doesn’t deserve all of the vitriol that’s coming her way, but you seem overly defensive of her. Certainly the edit has shown that she is unstable to say the least. She is not the first lead to have fallen in love before the end. But the other leads were able to handle more than one relationship without falling apart.
She seems so volatile.
Thanks for your thoughts. Your work is appreciated. You make the show so much more enjoyable.
Comment: I’m just telling you what happened based on the information I know. But again, I can’t reveal it without revealing sources. So I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to say. My job is to give people insight to the show that they are NOT showing you on screen. I guess people will choose to believe what they want. But for this particular situation, I have pretty good intel.
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Send all links and emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.
