This last week has been a lot, no doubt. A lot has been said. Feelings have come to light. And I’ve taken it all in. I’ve read a lot of your responses, and I thank you for all of them. Some good, some bad, some awful, etc. It’s to be expected. What I wanted to do today was kinda put everything in one place. Because right now, I have an apology to Demi on Twitter (more on that in a bit), a one hour IG Live that’s saved on my IGTV (the last live I did with Ashley Spivey) apologizing for my past writings, and then the first 12 minutes of last week’s podcast, addressing Demi’s feelings. It’s all a bit confusing. Not everyone follows all three of those social media accounts of mine, so it’s best to put it all right here today and it won’t go anywhere. There’s a lot to cover and things I want to address. If I’m long winded, so be it. I feel it needs to be said because right now the narrative about me out there isn’t great, lets be real. I’m going to break it up into sections as well so I can try and stay on point with everything. Because there’s a few issues at play here and I want people to be able to easily find my response to each. Please take the time to read this and I hope you have a better understanding of me, and how I feel about all of this when you’re done. Let’s get started.
You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)
(SPOILERS) I begin by directing people to my website today to read my statement regarding everything that’s happened the last week. (12:04) I share my experience at the “Float Spot” this week that needless to say was quite an interesting experience. (27:19) Then I end with giving my thoughts on the “Temptation Island” finale from this past Tuesday. Please go read my statement today on my website at www.RealitySteve.com.
CampaignZero – link
8CantWait – link
PoliceScorecard – link
Here is the IG Live with Ashley Spivey from last Tuesday night where I addressed my past writings:
I don’t want to repeat everything I said in it, but I did want to add a few things about the horrible things I wrote in the past on my blog, which have all since been deleted.
In the beginning when I would write that way, I never really felt connected to it. But it worked. People ate it up. Unfortunately back then, that’s what we were doing. I mentioned sites like Perez Hilton, The Dirty, D-Listed, The Superficial, etc. I was just an extension of those since they were much bigger than me. It was part of the culture that I absolutely was a part of and contributed to. But I honestly never felt great about it. For a good while now, I have been in the process of changing and moving away from that because I began to identify that wasn’t who I was. I didn’t have to do that, and write that way, and degrade women to keep numbers up on website. I made changes, stopped covering the show in that way, stopped focusing on people’s looks, and my readership didn’t change. On some seasons, it was increasing. So seeing it in real time, when I let go of those things, people still read and supported it. I didn’t have to write like a 25 year old frat boy to get people to read my stuff. Over the last few years, I completely moved away from that and you, the audience, were still there. That was my “ah ha” or proverbial light bulb moment where I realized I didn’t need to do that anymore. Then when I felt like time had moved on, society had changed, and I didn’t have to talk that way, then I could focus on other things. This is how people grow, and learn, and change as people- with feedback. I’ve been actively picking up on that for a while. Did I hurt people in the process? Absolutely. And as I notice these trends, I’m continuing to do more work on myself.
These contestants serve themselves up on a silver platter going on reality TV to be judged. If you wanna know where it comes from, that’s where. The fact people are talking about this now, I’m not denying the impact of it then, however, I’m not ignorant. I’m someone who’s in the continuous process of learning. And I take all of this very seriously. I am listening. I want to do better and I’m a guy that wants to do things right.
I can only stand to benefit from this teachable moment. It’s opened my eyes to another layer that I have to learn from, which is this power dynamic that Bekah and Demi both brought up last week. Call me ignorant, call me naïve, it was never something that I ever thought about with the people from this franchise that I was friends and/or acquaintances with. Because yes, some people I’m way closer to and talk to/text/Facetime more than others. This power dynamic was just never something that that I ever knowingly thought about or held over anyone’s head. That is the God’s honest truth.
This is a continual learning process for me. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my behavior over the last week. I’m not perfect. Nor will everything I say be perfect. And the beginning of last week’s podcast was a “perfect” example. When speaking about this power dynamic that Bekah and Demi had brought up, I needed to give myself more time to process what they were saying before speaking on it. And for that, I’m truly sorry. Everything happened so fast last week, I should’ve taken more time. I wish I could take that beginning part of the podcast back because, while I thought I knew what point I wanted to get across, the impact landed way differently than I thought based on the reaction. Should’ve thought that out more and I wish I could take that back. The only thought I had, was that this was important, and I wanted to address it immediately, instead of looking like I was ignoring it. But it’s out there and I own it. Just know I did NOT go down a laundry list of any of my friends/acquaintances from this franchise and “confront” them asking them if they were only friends with me out of fear of me writing something negative about them. I addressed my behavior with them and never made anything confrontational. I was never planning on being confrontational to begin with, but going back and listening to what I said last week, yeah, I could see where people thought that’s what I was going to do. My mistake and I own that.
When I say everything happened so fast last week, I want to explain. By no means is this an excuse. I’m NOT excusing what I said to Demi. I’m just telling you how/when everything came down and why I should’ve taken longer to process what happened before opening my mouth without thinking:
-Ashley and I did our live from 7-8pm CT last Wednesday. We started a second one right at 8pm CT and that’s when people in the comments told me to look at Demi’s tweet calling me out for a phone call where I told her about a sex dream I had about her 8 months prior.
-We signed off that second live at around 8:15-8:20pm CT. I don’t remember the exact time, but I felt we’d gone around 10-15 minutes. It was then that I tweeted this not even 30 minutes later at Demi:
I had no idea at the time that conversation made you feel that way. I am apologizing now knowing how uncomfortable I made you feel. I crossed boundaries I didn’t think at the time I was crossing. I did not know this until today. So for that, I hope you can accept my apology.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) April 22, 2021
Wrong. Just wrong. And I realize that now. And then I didn’t record the beginning of last week’s podcast (or the interview with Kaci for that matter) til after 10:30pm CT Wednesday night, as it went up the next morning. I definitely needed more than 2 hours to inhale all this before speaking and I should’ve taken that.
When it happened during our IG Live, I was totally caught off guard, and I wanted to respond quickly so I didn’t look like I was trying to duck responsibility or not care about her feelings. I don’t want to make somebody feel that way. I had no idea I did that. I’m not that type of person. I don’t revel in someone’s discomfort, despite what some may think. When I saw that reflection, I didn’t say, “Please tell me that’s not who they think I am,” I said, “That’s not me.” And unfortunately the latter is the place I responded from. Had I taken a moment, I could’ve said I need to respond simply to her feelings, put mine to the side, this is not about me, this about her. I totally get that.
Demi was an acquaintance. We hadn’t been talking for even a month. I don’t know her deeply, she doesn’t know me deeply. Which makes the conversation I had with her all the more cringey. 100%. But, I’m not someone who wants to make a girl, or anyone, feel uncomfortable. When that mirror was held up to my face (Demi releasing this), I saw something I hadn’t seen before.
I can sit here and rack my brain to give a reason why I thought it was appropriate to share that story with Demi, but it doesn’t matter. It’s an ongoing process for me right now. At the time the Demi situation happened, I was in a relationship. I also don’t have a track record of cheating on partners, going behind peoples back, etc. Not something I can prove to you without rolling out interviews with every ex-girlfriend I’ve ever had. I’m just being as honest as I can be here. The conversation with Demi, however cringey, was not an attempt to get her in bed. It was not an attempt to sexually manipulate her. It was me having a “hey that’s crazy” conversation with someone who a couple weeks earlier said on her podcast she thought I hated her. I immediately DM’ed Demi when I heard that podcast (first ever contact we’d had), and told her that while I didn’t agree with everything she said and did on Colton’s season and on Paradise, I didn’t hate her at all, and, invited her to come on my podcast to talk about it. She responded by thanking me for clarifying and reaching out and that she’d follow up with me on that offer. Clearly that never happened, nor did I go on hers, but we now know why and she had every right to not engage.
I really have to admit, I’m very glad she finally confronted me with how I made her feel. Because now I can use that to learn from it, not only about individual interactions with females, but also this power dynamic that she brought to light. I don’t want to operate that way. I’ve never wanted to operate that way. I never thought I was operating that way. These contestants already know they’re in a fishbowl by going on this show. To feel like I’m holding some power over them, I do not want to be seen that way. I don’t want to make anybody feel that way. And to my knowledge, I have never tried to wield any power over someone to manipulate them.
Kristina did an IG live last week to say this:
One of the things that I’ve learned from this situation is that going forward, I’m not gonna have any sort of personal relationship with these contestants. Because even the times I’ve tried to speak to them in a “looking out for you” way, helping them maybe avoid disaster, etc, it backfires more often than not. I need to draw clearer lines that these are people I’m reporting on not people I have relationships/friendships with.
I have reached out to contestants in the same manner that I reached out to Kristina where it HAS been beneficial. However, those times where I’ve tried to do something good and it’s backfired, I’ve come to realize I just need to let people do what they’re going to do. I don’t think I realized how the set-up, with them as contestants and me as reporting, actually prevents any REAL social relationship from happening. The power dynamic that I’m now aware of prevents genuine behavior, meaning, I can’t be sure if someone actually WANTS to talk to me or not. The good is not outweighing the bad in terms of the impact. I’ve learned that my intent doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how people felt in the aftermath and what they took away from it. I can’t operate out of good intent anymore and hope that’s gonna be what sticks.
The Kristina situation is a perfect example of that. Due the sensitive nature of what I spoke about with her, I will refrain from commenting any further on what she said. I reached out to her as well after seeing this and personally apologized for how I made her feel.
So what am I gonna do going forward? How am I gonna make sure this doesn’t happen again?
I’ve been working with a professional, for a long time, and I’ve been in an ongoing process of moving away from who I once was. I struggle with my process. Clearly. I’m a very private person when it comes to my personal life. You know me, I just don’t put it out there too much. Maybe I should’ve been more of an open book. Could’ve possibly helped people understand me more. But I’m not the person here that was victimized. I’m not the person that needs to be listened to. I’m not the person that’s been hurt. Do I like knowing I hurt somebody else? Absolutely not. So, if you were to ask me how I feel about this? Shitty. Horrible. Awful. Every bad adjective you can think of, I’ve felt that way for the last week. As I should. But this is for me to deal with on my own.
I want to say that although my first apology was rushed, not well written, and interpreted poorly, I have not been angry towards Demi or Bekah. I have not acted out of anger. I’ve let this whole process open me up to a deeper understanding of what’s happening. I’ve welcomed constructive comments, not the ones saying you’re piece of shit, a future rapist, sexual predator, and every other name you can think of. Because if you’re asking yourself that, I’m asking myself the same thing. It has kept me up at night. As much as one person saying this is the way they felt is upsetting, the thought that there could be others, unknown to me, is even more upsetting.
In everything that I’ve tried to do in responding to all of these things, I’ve tried to show an open mind, and a willingness to have this conversation to hear people’s sides and people I’ve interacted with. That’s the most that I can do, which is to try to say that I want to learn from my past mistakes.
In closing, I just wanna say this. I am a developing person. I’m a work in progress. Seeing that mirror being held up to me this last week has been eye opening. No other way to put it. I have a choice to turn away in anger and ignorance, or man up and face it. I feel like I’m facing it. I’ve eagerly opened up to this process. It’s not easy to sit back and hear people carving me up without offering me suggestions. I have no choice but to move forward and try to be better.
There’s gonna be a point where we stop talking about this. This is not what you come to this site or my podcast for, which is to hear from me working through my process. However, I want to let all of you know, that the process is continual and it is ongoing. Just because I’m not talking about it every episode, or addressing every tweet coming at me, or responding to every email sent to me – the process is ongoing.
I’ve personally reached out and attempted to make amends for the things I’ve said and done. If these women now are good with telling their truths that gives them a level of closure with this, I am open to and have been actively trying to offer them an additional level of closure by personally apologizing. Not in public, not on air, I’ve reached out to let them know I’ve heard them, their feelings are valid, and I’m actively trying to take their experiences and learn from them. And that’s my way of acknowledging these circumstances, their feelings, and taking responsibility for my actions. I’m trying to be better from this experience. Because the question is always “How do we move forward?”
We all should be asking ourselves, when we as a nation hear women come forward with their comments and feelings, how do we show we believe them? They should be given priority. But we also have to ask ourselves “What is that way forward?” Now, how do we learn from it? Simply talking about them is a level of healing. The question then comes becomes how do we as a society learn from them and integrate these stories. And that comes from the process of interacting with them, which is what I’m seeking.
I know that I will never please everyone. And some people that read this today will dismiss it, shit on it, not believe it, etc. I can’t concern myself with that. This is my truth right now. I’m going to have a better understanding now of the boundaries of not only women from this franchise, but in general. I want to use this as a learning experience and be better moving forward. There is no other choice.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Send all links and emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is RealitySteve, or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.
April 29, 2021 at 8:49 AM
I think you are VERY smart, Steve, which is why I simply cannot believe that you were not aware of the power dynamic you hold over the people you cover. Of course you knew, and you used it to your advantage. The fact that you don’t respect your audience is best exemplified by your unwillingness to fix your site to make the experience of coming here a little more pleasant. There’s never been a sense from me that you care about anything other than scooping up money to support your gambling in Vegas.
And very recently, you personally engineered the drama involving Grace and Matt by framing the whole thing for Rachel. This is one Bachelor Nation couple that I’m really pulling for, and I didn’t appreciate the blithe manner with which you sent her scattering back home after a sincere attempt by Matt to reconcile. How could you? As a pseudo-journalist, how could you directly involve yourself in the lives of people you are covering. Talk about a conflict of interest. There are things you just don’t do ethically when authoring a site like yours.
You’ve been on one helluva ride since the NYT article, but it’s the foundation that’s bothersome, Steve. The question going forward is how are you going to “cover” the franchise in the future. I note that Katie has finished filming, and all we’ve gotten from you is Mr. Grippo getting the first impression rose. And this distraction is moving you further and further away from what’s been your mission from the beginning. Don’t lose sight of that.
Good luck to you.
April 29, 2021 at 9:04 AM
I have been listening to your podcasts, IG lives and written columns for years and this is my first comment. Honestly, I am your age graduated HS in 1993 so I feel like I relate a little better. I am a woman, and honestly although your language used to be not great I still read your columns. I always gave you the benefit of the doubt until Demi. I don’t know why this Demi text through me into a tail spin, but I really thought to myself why is a smart 46 year old women spending time reading and listening to this! It’s disappointing that at 46 you would even consider sharing a sex dream to somebody who is 20 years younger or honestly any women other than your significant other. I honestly don’t know how you couldn’t know at the time it was sooo cringy. The text or voicemail would have been just as cringy in 1993 as it was today!! Nothing you have said or done until that point really justified writing a comment. Maybe, it’s because you just talked to Ashley about all the work you have done since the me too movement, but then behind closed doors it seems like maybe not so much! I do feel like I might be growing out of this bachelor culture in general. I have watched every season from the beginning, but I am getting exhausted from bachelor nation. I wish you the best and hope that you learn from your mistakes, evolve, but don’t cave to some of this culture today.
April 29, 2021 at 9:18 AM
Thank you for the thoughtful comments on what you’ve experienced over the last week, Steve. Most people have no self-awareness and frankly, aren’t interested in it. They want to blithely go through their days, saying and doing what they please, responding with “you’re too sensitive” when called out. When one is truly shocked when told by someone that their words were upsetting, the natural response is to be defensive. I’ve learned to pause (yes, had to learn it because it’s not in one’s nature when feeling attacked) and not try to defend myself, because as you’ve learned it usually makes the situation worse. And nothing beats professional counseling to uncover one’s essence and work to become a better human being!
Yes, you will be criticized (see above comment) because people love to “one up” each other. And remember, there is no such thing as cancel culture, only accountability culture. Those who use that term are simply ticked off they can’t be a**holes without consequence anymore. Too bad/so sad for the Karens out there (said no one).
April 29, 2021 at 10:53 AM
I think one thing that seems to be missing in much of Bachelor Nation, and in many of their podcasts, and finally in the “woke” culture, is enough kindness. The “woke” culture is this generation’s version of political correctness, and while I appreciate that words matter, and we should be careful with our judgements, therefore, I appreciate the intent, the method leaves so much out. I don’t think Steve thought of the power dynamic, because that is not how he works in this world. I don’t think he thought of his dream with Demi as anything but funny, because he is not interested in Demi sexually. It’s never appropriate to share such dreams to ANYONE, but your sexual partner, and maybe not even then, so this is not excusing him, but it is positing a more innocent, less power dynamic-y explanation. Bekah and Demi have from their seasons on, bothered me. And I have wondered why, and I think it’s because they are both quick-witted, but neither seem to have the needed wisdom to accompany their wit. They are both like the wind, they stir things up, they clear away the brush and bring to clarity to things that are very important for all of us. But they are also a bit destructive in their approach. They aren’t thoughtful as they could be about their impact on others. I like Steve, because I believe he is learning, and thinking. I believe he is becoming a much better man. I hope that he gets married and has kids, because I think he would be an amazing, warm wonderful, father. Assuming he want to become a “breeder”.
April 29, 2021 at 12:00 PM
Bachelor Nation is full of provincial women, and guys, who offer themselves up to the world, to gain fame and instagram followers, with an endgame of profiting financially -nothing wrong with that. Reality Steve made a mistake with his call to Demi Burnett. A MISTAKE! INTENT IS EVERYTHING when it comes to judging in a court of law. There was NO malicious intent. Steve just wasn’t “thinking”. That’s what guys do – “say dumb stuff”. Demi Burnett was not traumatized – she just needed to post something to be relevant again. Puh-lease. With all the “nasty” candid remarks Demi has made about other people during BIP, “The Bachelor” and snarky remarks on podcasts, her verbal injuries towards others – you don’t find her the slightest bit hypocritical???? Bachelor Nation start caring about something real – don’t be sheep – you’re being controlled by uneducated instagrammers (re-watch Demi on the Bachelor to see how truly uneducated she is). Care about something real!! Use your social media to end the torturing of agricultural animals, to end carbon emissions that will cause your children to die of climate related circumstances. Bachelor Nation is entertaining – but use your brain to learn and effect change about what’s really important in the world – especially if you are a parent. STOP crucifying Reality Steve. He is a GOOD guy who made some mistakes. HIS INTENT WAS NOT MALICIOUS. Which is more than I can say for all the PROVINCIAL catty females in Bachelor Nation. I am an older woman who has backpacked/budget (solo) travelled extensively in patriarchal developing countries – I don’t do hotels or resorts – I have lived with the locals. If Americans would spend more time learning about the world and its problems, you would know that Demi’s rant is just an attention seeking ploy.
April 29, 2021 at 12:12 PM
You want to talk malicious intent? Nick “Vile” outing his sexual relationship with Andi Dorfman on AFTR – that affected her relationship with Josh. That is NASTY intent. Bachelor Nation is full of past contestants who have said and done things – to each other – no less – FAR WORSE than ANYTHING Reality Steve has done . And yet you somehow forgive these truly “nasty” people and worship their social media sites. Bachelor Nation is: 1) provincial, 2) hypocritical, 3) pathetic for not using their social media presence to educate their uninformed followers about what’s going on in the world. I’m guessing most of Bachelor Nation couldn’t identify most countries on a map of the world.
April 29, 2021 at 12:12 PM
Sorry, but this show is ridiculous, we all KNOW it, and it is fine to make fun of the people who willingly sign up to do it. My gosh these so called adults are such emotional children. You know who doesn’t whine like babies when they get made fun of all the time? The Kardashians. They get ripped, shredded and praised from all over. And they take it like champs because they signed up for it. The former contestants need to stop being babies and acting like victims. So tired of victimization being the premium currency on social media. Steve made a joke about you? Laugh about it you children.
Also, the older seasons were great. Snark is fine. Making fun of bad behavior is fine. Even poking fun at a bad look is fine. Stop pretending you aren’t doing the same thing at home in your watch parties people. Because you all are. We all are. How about some honesty?
Now, racism is wrong. Sexism is wrong. Religious bigotry is wrong. Etc etc. Comments based soley on those factors are messed up. But just because you are made fun of doesn’t mean the mocking fits one of those categories. So grow up and stop conflating teasing to misogyny when it isn’t.
And man, I miss stuff like this too. Was great. Back when people had a sense of humor. Which needs to be beat out of people these days.
And Ashley Spivey, you blog was the bomb. And yes, “omg I would totally do myself” is still hilarious. And so is Baby Eagle Face.
April 29, 2021 at 1:37 PM
Steve – Still a fan. Still read your blog. Still listen to your podcast. Just keep growing and learning. That is all we can do. I have to comment on the podcast. I wake up during the night and turn my TV or a podcast back on so I can go back to sleep… So I get it. Can’t say Sorry for what is going on…it is what it is. Just breathe… learn… listen… thats all we can do…
April 29, 2021 at 2:16 PM
@JuliaG, aj99, and iampunka
Great comments and points. From what I’ve been hearing and reading over the last week, I was beginning to think I was one of a few with my thinking. Glad I’m not.
April 29, 2021 at 3:17 PM
Hi Steve, I have been reading your columns for a few years and have indeed noticed the maturing and change in how your present your writing, as a person who has continuously aimed for growth and learning in every way, all we can do is try hard to remain open minded and not fear change. You are on the right road, stick with it.
April 29, 2021 at 5:45 PM
Remember when Matt James said he couldn’t have a relationship with Rachael because he was disappointed he had to explain to her what she did was wrong and that she didn’t understand what it was like to be a Black man. That’s basically what Steve’s excuse to Demi (I didn’t know I was doing something wrong, no bad intent etc.) was conveying, that he didn’t know any better. But he should have. The same thing Rachael apparently told Matt – that she didn’t know what she did was wrong until it was pointed out.
Yet who gave her the benefit of the doubt? Not Steve.
Steve is asking instead for mercy because …… he didn’t know it was wrong to tell a young woman that he had a big sexual dream about her and then asked her to keep it quiet. Why didn’t he know that was wrong?
From everything in this article, he did know it was wrong to write about women the way he did.
Let’s be clear. Writing to degrade women, which Steve admits to, is misogyny. Misogyny is equally bad as racism. Imagine if he had said he writes to degrade Asians. Or he writes to degrade Black women. (Something Chris Harrison has never done, let’s be real, but look what happened to him.)
Misogyny that leads to violent action, as it sometimes does, is a hate crime in some states, including the one I live in.
Women live in fear of this. All women think about this when they take walks at night, when they are alone in a parking garage, etc.
That’s what it’s like to be a woman in America. We are literally afraid of men like Steve.
So I propose Steve take time off, like CH, and re-educate himself about women. Try to put himself into the experience of women in this world. Try to educate himself as to the deep damage misogyny and sexism do to half the world’s population. The fear it causes.
It’s not something you just explain, maybe an apology here or there, and then carry on.
When you wrote to profit off your misogyny, you were doing the same thing as some white supremacists are doing online to spread hate with racism. It’s just as bad. Spreading hate is spreading hate.
April 29, 2021 at 9:50 PM
I wish stones didn’t need to be thrown. We are human. We make mistakes. We hopefully learn from our mistakes. We evolve and learn the most from adversity. There is a verse from the Bible about casting the stone that we could all learn from its premise, that unless you yourself are free of all indiscretions or wrongs, you should hold back on casting that stone, and give one another grace, mercy and benefit of doubt. I think if there’s one thing you still could learn would be to give grace, mercy and benefit of doubt to those you criticize. Maybe the first place to start would be with those you come down hard on, like Chris Harrison, who also had a misstep. A different type of misstep but nonetheless, a misstep. If you could use your presence and platform to turn the tide of this terrible place we are all living with, which is full of judgement and snark rather than grace and mercy. You could make a huge impact.
April 29, 2021 at 10:46 PM
Is it just me or what there nothing about Temptation Island in this post? Or is it the insurmountable number of video ads and pop-ups on this page that just slows down the page too much that I can’t even get to it?
April 29, 2021 at 11:51 PM
You need to listen to the Podcast for that info etc. ;o)
April 30, 2021 at 2:51 PM
@JuliaG, aj99, iampunka, Tinyred.
I am with all of you as well. In my opinion Demi and her little friends are nothing but spoiled little brats with too much time on their hands. Anything to stay relevant in bachelor nation.
April 30, 2021 at 3:26 PM
YES! I so agree with your comment I attached below. Even his ex Kat Dunn got on him (in a podcast) about improving his site for his readers and he flat out said “I don’t care”. She mentioned reddit commentors saying the site needed updated and he responded with now he really won’t update his site to make them more mad. So, I totally agree with what you said snd it’s worth repeating:
“The fact that you don’t respect your audience is best exemplified by your unwillingness to fix your site to make the experience of coming here a little more pleasant.”
April 30, 2021 at 3:38 PM
Yes to this:
“Demi Burnett was not traumatized – she just needed to post something to be relevant again.” Yes again!!!
May 1, 2021 at 9:44 AM
I see that mainly positive posts about Steve are here.
Sure looks like there isn’t going to be any Bachelor franchise news here anymore. No reason to fight the most ridiculous amount of pop-ups I’ve ever seen and listen to the rantings of a self-absorbed adult man-child.
May 2, 2021 at 6:10 AM
I agree with almost all of this – including about the site updates and not respecting or caring about your audience. I also think that one of the key issues here is lack of boundaries – clearly with Demi and also in the role you’ve admitted to playing with other contestants (ie Kristina) or recently with Rachael, Matt and Grace. A common theme. There is a significant difference between spoilers – and gossip that affects someone’s life or further to that inserting yourself into someone else’s life and choices even if it’s well intentioned. Best of luck on your journey.
May 3, 2021 at 10:16 PM
Yes there are far more important things to think about. Got me on that one. But that doesn’t mean that writing what he did about these women was ok. It reeks of misogyny. Obviously the Demi thing was inappropriate and he has owned that, and is coming off a little less defensive. Kristina? Crossing a line. Jenna? Close to ruining her life. But somehow what bothered me most is what he wrote about Jade, including a reference to her being used to white liquid spurting down her face (correct me if I haven’t got the exact phrase but go to Chatty Broads and listen to Jade speak about it). And that, as a listener and follower of Steve, was the point at which I thought this crossed the line so far, and was plain malicious, that there’s no defence for it. I hope I stick to my promise. Why hasn’t he mentioned either Jenna or Jade in this apology column/statement? Rather he just mentions Bekah, but not Jenna or Jade specifically (yes he’s apologised to Jenna before but another one wouldn’t hurt). Yes he’s working to be a better person, but there’s a lot to make up for.
But concur with Steve about those Float Pods. Way claustrophobic.
May 3, 2021 at 10:27 PM
I agree with every word you wrote.
May 5, 2021 at 10:58 AM
I am grasping at words to accurately portray how much your statement misses the point of what your victims, the women of The Bachelor franchise, have been trying to get across. It’s baffling the way you victimize yourself in this “apology”, Steve. I fear that the blind fans you have on this site and others are feeding you false positive words of encouragement from their own ignorance and assumptions about what these Bachelor franchise women deserve purely because they “served themselves on a silver platter” on reality television. It’s even more disgusting that these same women — the ones you have berated, ridiculed, judged, and even defamed — have to take time out of their own lives to educate you on what appropriate behavior is for a decent human person.
In your “apology”, you have talked more about how the situation affected YOU and YOUR personal life and mental health, YOUR friendships/relationships, YOUR skewed and ignorant view of YOUR position than about how Demi, Jade, Bekah, Jenna, Kristina, etc etc have felt and suffered as a consequence of YOUR actions, whether or not they were intended. I will say it now in case you have not gotten it through your head: The Bachelor women DO NOT CARE whether your feelings are hurt because you thought you were friends with them. They DO NOT CARE that you are now dealing with the repercussions of your actions. They DO NOT CARE the intent behind your actions. They DO NOT CARE that you are trying to move forward with your life.
Just as they chose to be on a reality TV show, you chose to write what you did and utilize the information that you had to do the things YOU wanted. After all the years of acting like the judge, jury and executioner on morality, it’s time for you to face yourself. It’s time to realize that your desire to “help” Kristina, to “joke” with Demi, to “convict” Jenna, to “put in place” Jade, is not to better those people or the world, but rather to gain views, to make profit, to stroke your own ego and desires. God knows how the universe allowed you to hold so much power over and make a living off of the Bachelor franchise and the women on it. But, that does not mean you have ANY right to affect people’s lives the way you do whether out of “good” nor “bad” intent.
Honestly, it’s pathetic that you are a man in his mid 40-50s harassing on women on television and excusing your behavior as just because they “served themselves on a silver platter to be on reality tv”. It’s even more pathetic that you think that what you do does ANY GOOD in the world.
I hope that way before the end of your life, you take yourself off of that pedestal and truly acknowledge to yourself and to whatever higher power you may believe in that you, like all of us, are flawed – not because you are naive or that you didn’t know better. But that you reaped the benefit from your flawed actions and that it feels A LOT better to continue and excuse it than to truly apologize to your victims and make concrete changes (aka stop posting about people’s personal lives online). You, Steve, are not the good person you think you are.
May 12, 2021 at 5:21 PM
I knew the site has serious problems, of course (and have asked Steve to fix them at times). But I don’t follow social media so I wasn’t aware that he’d said he knew about them and didn’t intend to fix them anyway, just to spite people it bothered. What the hell, Steve? These are your readers — the folks who like you and support your work and make it possible for you to make a living at it. No, that doesn’t mean you have to give us every little thing we ask for, but a basic “we can’t read this; can you clean it up please, so we can continue to read your stuff like you have every reason to want us to do?” If *that* leads you to dig in your heels, there’s something pretty deeply wrong here, totally apart from all the crap about the power structure (which I agree absolutely is there, but I don’t have any opinions on whether you knew it or not, so I’ll take your word).