-Immediately we’re starting out with a group date for the guys, and Christian, Garrett, Tre, Quartney, Mike P., James, Justin, Thomas, Connor B., and Karl are on this one. Karl either downed a few 4 Loko’s before this date, or maybe sniffed some glue, but Jesus, he was all hyped for the first date of the season. Moreso than anyone should be. Which made him never shut up. Ever. Comedian Heather McDonald (and former podcast guest), was the “host” of this date that was, you guessed it, sex themed. We hadn’t even hit 7:15pm CT and words like orgasm, missionary, doggy, and vagina were already spoken. Doesn’t that violate some FCC rule or something? Apparently not. She asked the guys a series of questions based around sex and, well, we only got answers to some of them. If we’ve learned anything in 41 previous seasons of this show, it’s that group dates will almost always have some sort of sexual theme to them that makes it’s conservative audience cringe to no end. Last night did not disappoint in that regard.
-The main thing about this date was that Mike P was on it, and we all know by now he’s a virgin who’s saving himself for marriage. So of course they are going to put him on a date that strictly revolves around sex talk. If you couldn’t see that coming from a mile away, then you don’t know this show well enough. All the other guys had to go up on stage and talk about why they’re the best lover in the world or something ridiculous like that. I applaud Mike for fighting through this, I applaud Mike for not being turned off by the whole thing and being honest with Katie. But to the average fan watching this who may be unspoiled or what not, just the whole idea of putting a guy on this show who’s saving himself for marriage, when you’ve promoted Katie as the most open, sex positive lead you’ve ever had, it’s just silly. Like Mike has zero chance to win. Katie is not looking for someone that she has to wait til her wedding night to have sex with. Which she has every right to do. Just like Mike has every right to wait. But he was strictly cast for this storyline and I just find the whole thing exploitative. Then again, this show has mastered that, so this is nothing new.
-Mike ended up winning the competition and receiving a trophy for it after bringing Katie up on stage and telling her a story about his virginity. It gave Katie all the sads, Mike made it clear he’s never been with a woman, and compared to all the other peacockers on the date sharing how great they were in bed, this couldn’t have been more of a 180, which is why he won. Again, while I’m sure Katie respects Mike’s decision as he does hers, there was just no way Mike was ever gonna have any chance with Katie in the end here. It never made any sense and they cast Mike to be that guy who is the outlier and who they could make his virginity his ongoing storyline. I’ll never really understand why virgins go on this show in the first place, but that’s another topic for another day. I mean, we all know why anyone truly goes on this show, but virgins are just asking to be exploited once they show up. Name someone who came on this show in the past that was a virgin where it wasn’t brought up 100 times.
-At the cocktail party, Connor B. has a request for Katie. He really, really, really needs to redeem himself from their first kiss because, well, last time he had whiskers and a cat suit on and it was rather creepy on a cosplay level watching them make out. Katie obliged and, ummmm, I don’t know if this time around was any better. What Connor was doing with hands on the back of her head I’ll have no idea. If you didn’t catch it, it’s hard to explain, but just know maybe he should’ve stuck to the cat suit. Lets hope whoever Connor is with down in Mexico doesn’t have to feel the wrath of his crazy hands while in the throes of passion. Watch out ladies. Ol’ creep hands is on the prowl.
-I hope some of you noticed the foreshadowing during this group date after party with someone’s downfall. Thomas ended up interrupting Karl, he and Katie clearly have a thing for each other, but as I reported last month, Thomas is the early season “villain” after getting an early rose, which was this date’s group date rose. Right now, after this episode if you didn’t know any spoilers, Greg and Thomas would probably be Katie’s front runners based on what she’s said to them and how she’s acted towards them. And I mentioned that Thomas doesn’t last much longer. Karl has his proclamations about guys not being 100% real and I think it’s safe to say Thomas was on his radar. And as we saw in previews for next week, the guys confront Thomas for making a comment about being the Bachelor. Well there you go. Karl might have diarrhea of the mouth and can’t shut up, but, looks like he might’ve been right when it came to Thomas. We’ll have to see exactly how Thomas said it and if the guys overreacted, but clearly that’s gonna be his downfall and why he goes home.
