Hey, Steve,
Lately I have been reading a lot of people are saying they think leads are told certain people are off-limits to the leads because the producers want them for the next Bachelor/Bachelorette (e.g. Pilot Pete). Even though the show is highly scripted and manipulated by production, that just doesn’t seem likely to me. What is your take on this? That’s not true. Production may have their favorites or someone they’re leaning towards as the next lead. But if the current lead wants them, they aren’t going to purposely make them choose someone else.
Is the stuff that came out today re Erich dumping a girl to go on the Bachelorette the story you were working on that didn’t pan out?
Thanks for all you do!
Comment: (Told you some of these were older). No, the story I was working on was addressed last month. The source I was speaking with went dark. Didn’t respond to 5 texts so clearly they didn’t want to do the story anymore. I contacted someone behind the scenes about it because I felt it was the morally correct thing to do, and never got an acknowledgement or return email or anything. So I doubt anything is being done. I’ve washed my hands of the situation now. Unless that source decides to ever come back to me and says they want to talk (which I highly doubt), that’s the only way the story will get out I believe.
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I’m agreeing with you that Erich’s actions were shady. His motivation for going on the show was for career, networking, and publicity. Yes, you can still possibly find love even if that was not your intention. However, always keep in mind, he was without work and his options were bleak, which was his main focus according to him.
Some argue he was with Amanda for only a short amount of time and there was no label nor was love established. Heck, 2.5 months is A LOT MORE time than the hours spent with Gabby. In those 2.5 months, he invested not only with Amanda, but also her son. Not just hours at a time, but days/weeks. The time he spent with Amanda was in real life situations, not in competition with any other men or crazy distractions. He was not in a bubble like on The Bachelorette where there was only Gabby on that vacation island. While with Amanda, there were plenty of other women all around he could have chosen where to spend his time. Even though filming may have been appox 6 weeks, he did not come close to spending 6 weeks with Gabby – what, MAYBE 72-96 SPORADIC HOURS? And those hours were mixed with other men.
Time with Amanda vs Gabby. Amanda real life situations. Gabby – fantasy, amazing trips, bubble. Has there been anyone who has found love in the Bachelor environment? Yes. A very small percentage have sustained their established relationships. While on the other hand, it is so easy to fall into the idea of thinking you’re in love when there’s no other option but the lead, you’re flying all over Timbuktu, no worries in the world, and all was fun and games.
Questions I have – did he share any of this information about Amanda with Gabby? When and How Much? While keeping Amanda in the dark of his communications/interest in The Bachelorette while dating, are those same characteristics displayed with Gabby?
I go back to the first point – he needed/desired a career move. Does any of that play into his “relationship” with Gabby; whether intentional or not? I mean, from what Gabby said post show, she knew of Amanda bc Erich told her (probably around the same time Tino got scared once he saw Kelsey out Nate if I had to guess), Gabby admittedly said she though Erich was an asshole to her, but clearly didn’t see it as something to end an engagement over. And one of my biggest questions to Gabby about this was, here you are saying you admit Erich was an asshole to Amanda. And he shouldn’t have lied and led her on. Great. So why is she so certain he’s not doing that to her? Because he told her? Hell like I said and you said, he spent WAY more time with Amanda pre-show than he did with Gabby during the show and probably even post-show. So for her to just easily dismiss his actions towards Amanda pre-show (while agreeing they were shitty), and not even acknowledge the same could be happening to her, just seems to be a disaster waiting to happen.
Rachel/Tino
Question to you Steve. Do you know the timeline from engagement to Rachel moving to LA? I don’t know when she officially moved, if she even has. Obviously she spent a lot of time in LA when the show was airing, but I don’t get the impression she’s 100% moved or if she’s still going to.
I wish they would grill Rachel (as well as Gabby) in her demanding an engagement. On regular seasons, time is limited with contestants spending quality time with the lead. This season with two leads I’m sure shortened the time even more. I commend the men this season for realizing they weren’t ready for engagements. I’ve heard the arguments: if you aren’t ready to make that step of a proposal you shouldn’t go on the show. There could be a plethora of valid reasons why a person would not want to go that route. For one, they may not be that into the lead. If you were to ask Rachel & Gabby – if they were the ones to get on one knee and propose, would they do that to every single guy on that show? So if Rachel wouldn’t choose to be with and propose to Aven, to Zach, or whomever, why would those guys HAVE TO propose to Rachel or any lead? Engagements involve two people. If a man says he’s not ready to propose, that is the same as Rachel saying he is not her choice. Plus, I would not propose to a woman who just slept with another guy, told them she loved or was falling in love with them, and struggling with who she wants to be with. That’s when the act of an engagement is just a show and not real. The engagement on the show is a farce. It’s for TV only. Beyond that, I don’t put any stock into it. When the final couple moves to the same city as each other, or moves in with each other, that’s when I will take the relationship seriously.
So Rachel said she wanted to give the ring back and just date… while “dating,” Tino kissed another girl. How many men did Rachel kiss while “dating” Tino? While dating Tino, whom she “loved,” what activities took place with she and Aven in the fantasy suite? Tino revealed this”kiss” to Rachel. Did Rachel disclose all of her activities with the other men while being in love with Tino? I think you’re comparing apples to oranges here. Dating on this show is not dating in real life. On the show, you KNOW you’re dating a bunch of different people and making out with them. And the contestants know this as well. In the real dating world, that’s not known unless two people speak on it right off the bat, which most don’t. So yes, she’s kissing a bunch of different men, but the guys already know that going in. You don’t necessarily know that in the real dating world.
I also agree, Tino’s dad is not helping situations on Facebook; however. ITA with the parents when Rachel went on the hometown visit. I did not see them bashing Rachel or showing any disdain towards her; what I saw was their disdain for the process – lack of time, opportunity, and real life experiences to make a valid decision of proposal.
Comment: Which every parent, if they’re being honest, should rightfully say and think. But not all wanna do that on television because you’re basically telling the production crew sitting in your house you think their work is irrelevant. Could make for some awkward times.
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Steve,
Not sure if you are aware of a TV station named Buzzr. They have the old Password, Password Plus and Super Password on it. There are also other classic gameshows like Classic Concentration. Their website is buzzrtv.com. You can also watch online. I enjoy watching the old shows! I know in a Daily Round Up you mentioned you were a Password Fan!
Really enjoying the Daily Round Up!
Comment: Love all those old shows. But I don’t know if I’d go out of my way to watch them now. I like the new updated versions just as much.
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Another thought in reference to the argument when a contestant questions or tells the lead they may not be or aren’t ready for an engagement they should have never signed up for the show…
Isn’t it very well possible that a person can be at a season in their life where they are ready to find a life partner and take the step of engagement but just haven’t found that right person? Can that individual date someone to find out they are not the one? Does that mean they aren’t ready for that type of commitment or could that mean they haven’t found the right person yet? Of course.
How many times in all of Bachelor/Bachelorette history have we heard the lead say about one or multiple contestants, “My feelings are not as strong, or have not had enough time, or I was hoping we could get there but we needed more…” If a lead has those questions why can’t a contestant have the same questions/concerns about the lead? They absolutely can. I think people are just going after those contestants who beat around the bush and don’t actually just say that. Bc when they say they aren’t ready, but don’t give any context, it comes off as “well geez, you know what show you signed up for,” when in reality, they’re probably just not ready to be engaged to THAT lead. They just want to spare feelings.
The lead has multiple contestants to choose from and can also choose to send people home, which also means not wanting or ready to be engaged to those persons sent home. The contestants have only one option. The contestants scramble for time with that one option. Are all the contestants obligated or have to come to the same conclusion that that one option is for them? If the lead decides they aren’t sure of a contestant – not ready to be engaged to said contestant, does that mean they aren’t ready to be engaged period? That is the argument that has been spewed heavily. If the lead decides they aren’t sure about (let’s say Billy) and chooses to send Billy home, why is that okay and not the reverse? Let’s turn that around, if Billy was not sure about the lead and said I don’t think I would be ready for an engagement at the end of this show, why do they have the stigma they NEVER should have signed up for this show. You’re thinking too logically. Throw logic out the window when talking about this show.
Case and point Rachel & Tyler: Rachel emphatically said she and Tyler have a strong emotional connection but he is the farthest behind of the remaining men because of lack of time. Therefore, she was not ready to make that commitment with Tyler. Why is it okay for Rachel or any lead to feel that way but a contestant cannot have the same feelings towards the lead?
Gabby / Nate: Gabby had very strong feelings for Nate but she was not ready to be a mom. Very understandable of the struggle of really caring for someone but not all things lined up. While we have no problem understanding that from Gabby, she is still saying she was not ready for an engagement with Nate. That’s accepted, and rightfully so. Why is it that a contestant may have a trigger or something that’s causing them to be not able to make that engagement commitment with a lead such a bad thing? Is the lead the ONLY one who can make that choice?
Just because someone chooses not to pursue an engagement with an individual, lead or contestant, DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY mean they aren’t ready to search for the one who is best for them. If an individual is not ready for an engagement on September 15 DOES NOT MEAN they aren’t ready to discover and solidify a relationship leading towards engagement. That action may happen on October 15th! There can be a plethora of reasons why an engagement is not best for a particular person or for varied reasons. Those reasons or situations do not automatically mean the person is not “ready” to be engaged.
As the lead is free to make a choice, feel, question pro or con, every contestant should have the same freedom to make the choice / feel / question pro or con.
Comment: And they do. Just not in the eyes of Toxic Bachelor Nation. That’s why you never see me go off on contestants with this stance. It’s just an effort in futility.
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Hi Steve,
I have two questions:
1. Do you think a contestant might actually at some point in the future pursue a lawsuit against this show for intentional infliction of emotional distress? I know they sign away their souls to be on this show, but legally there are still limits. I ask because Rachel really seems traumatized – she really did not look well on ATFR at all and the show seems like it is suddenly pushing these leads way beyond what is reasonable. You can’t. You contract states as much. The second you sign that contract, which all reality TV contracts are literally some of the worst you’ll ever see, they own you for a year. And technically more, but mainly for the first year after your finale airs. You have no legal recourse against them no matter what they do to your edit. It specifically states that in the contract. So the only way anyone can guarantee to never get a bad edit is to not go on the show. If you do, it can happen to you.
2. I have been reading your spoilers for a long time so I am curious – when did you start watching this show and did you get started on your blog.
Comment: Loooooooooooong time ago. In a galaxy far, far away. Season 1 of Bachelorette and season 3 of Bachelor. Yeah. 20 years basically.
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I just wanted to say how much I appreciated your take on the Erich and Amanda story on Friday’s Daily Roundup. I will admit I was one of the people who, upon learning about the texts, initially reacted along the lines of, “but…is what he did reeeeally that big of a deal? Why is this newsworthy?” Wanting to understand why you chose to report on Amanda’s story, I listened to Daily Roundup that day.
That’s where the perspective you shared made me stop and reconsider my initial reaction. Certainly a conversation can be had as to whether Erich deserves to be vilified for his actions. But regardless of one’s opinion on that question, Amanda deserves the right to tell her story. Yes, having her story out there may result in Gabby not ultimately getting her happy ending, and that is unfortunate. However, Amanda is the person who Erich seriously dated before he went on the show (immediately before, as its turns out), and he fell in love with/developed strong feelings for Gabby just a few weeks later. As such, Amanda’s story is newsworthy, especially since she obviously feels a certain way about what happened. If someone doesn’t want to hear about it, they can choose not to listen to it. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give her an outlet to share her story. And while some people who tune into the Bachelorette just want to see a proposal and happy ending, that does not mean they can’t still listen to Amanda’s side of the situation and even have empathy for her.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that your thoughts on the story resonated with me and allowed me to see this a different way. Hopefully it did so for others, as well.
Comment: Thank you for having an open mind and not immediately dismissing an opinion that was originally different from yours. All corners of the internet should be better at this.
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Hi Steve!
I’ve been losing it over Jesse Palmer asking people to apply for the Bachelor. Do you know why they’re asking for women to apply when the cast is already in California waiting to film?
Comment: This email obviously sent during the end of the Rachel/Gabby’s season, and it was made 10x worse on Monday night and last night when he’s asking people to apply and they are now 9 days into filming. So yeah, technically they are always looking for people to apply and will keep you on file, but anybody applying now wouldn’t begin filming until Sept. 2023.
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Thank you for standing up for women’s right to decide for themselves. I really wish more men would follow suit. I had my tubes tied when I was 40 and my husband tried to stop me by showing up right before they wheeled me down the hallway. In fact, the doctors ordered them to stop in the hallway. I told them to keep going as I wasn’t going to change my mind and he had no say in this action. Please, please, please keep standing up for women’s right to decide.
Comment: Yikes. He did that? I hope you’ve had a conversation about that since and gotten on the same page. I’ll always believe women have the right to choose. If you don’t, I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t care if you don’t think that way. Just like nothing I say will ever change your way of thinking, nothing you say will change mine on that topic. I’ve heard every argument that can be made on the subject and this is where I stand. End of story. If this upsets you or changes your opinion of me, I’m fine with that. I’ll manage.
