-So Jenn had the 1-on-1 and they went surfing. She claimed Joey was the best surfing coach in the world, yet all I saw her do was wipeout and barely get up on the board. I’m kidding. I don’t know if we’ve ever had a surfing date on the show, have we? It didn’t look familiar. I guess the best part of the date for them was getting to roll around in the sand making out and getting sand in all sorts of crevices of their body that you’re still dealing with 24 hours later. And hey, can we find out if Jenn got bodysuit rash? That’s a thing. And can be really annoying. I was never a beach guy. Well, let me rephrase that. I went to the beach plenty of times growing up. I was 10 minutes from one. I was never a “go in the ocean” guy. Just wasn’t my thing. But had a few friends who were big into surfing growing up. Look, I shiver like I’m in Antarctica if the shower water is remotely cold. So yeah, I’ll pass on getting out in the ocean at 6am to catch some waves. No thanks. I prefer a warm bed. Call me crazy.
-So I need to give a giant thank you to @BachelorData yet again this column, because when I watched Joey and Jenn step outside after he’d given her the rose, I just assumed, “Welp, here we go. Here comes the firework show.” But no, it was something completely different. And MUCH cooler (don’t get me started on firework shows). With that said, I had no idea what I was watching. Totally clueless. Since I recorded the podcast from last night until this morning, @BachelorData posted this which cleared everything up for me. But I do agree and love her question she asked in the caption: “Do we count this as a fireworks date y’all? Actually torn on how to categorize this one.” Couldn’t agree more.
-Oh yeah, there was a tennis date because Joey plays tennis in case you didn’t know. You know who doesn’t play anything closely resembling tennis? The 8 women on this date. Yeah, it wasn’t good. At all. Wasn’t expecting them to be Iga Swiatek, buuuuuuuut, choosing 8 unathletic women to play tennis, and THEN to throw them in costumes making it even more ridiculous, lets just say that date was a shit show. It’s almost like, “Can we just fast forward to the night portion?” Because nothing that happened during those “matches” showed anything about any of these women. Tennis is a specific skill. When you put them in obstacle courses or relay races, that’s much easier. If you’ve never swung a racket and hit a ball, you’re frankly going to look bad trying for your first time on national television. I can’t wait til our next Bachelor is an archer. Will be wonderful seeing women try their hand at that.
-This show loves throwing pool parties. And usually when they throw a pool party, it means it’s because they want to focus on whatever drama is happening in the house. And boy did they ever in last night’s episode. We barely saw Joey with any of the other women at the pool party unless it was just a quick shot. This pool party was clearly done to focus on Maria and Sydney – and nothing got resolved. Per usual. I gave all my thoughts on this “feud” last page. No need to get worked up over it. Clearly things aren’t being shown. I just don’t know what they are. But this show loves focusing on early episode drama. We get it every season. This is no different. You’re exhausted by it. So am I. But it’s absolutely nothing new. Go back through every Bachelor season and you will see a feud like this while they’re still at the mansion. It ends next week when he keeps Maria over Sydney on the 2-on-1. So yeah, only one more to go before this is over.
-Cocktail party time. Joey: “This week amazing and difficult…moments wish didn’t happen…trying my best, be here for all of you…if you don’t get a rose…you all deserve the world…if anyone wants tennis lessons, I’ll be out back and I charge $200/hr. You all need it.”
Kelsey A., Jenn, and Katelyn already with roses. Lexi, Leah, Kelsey T., Rachel, Madina, Daisy, Jess, Edwina, Autumn, Allison, and Maria.
“Ladies, Joey, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. Do you realize how much I’m grubbing on this KFC since not a single one of these women took more than two bites of any piece. More for me. Nom nom nom nom nom…”
Sydney gets the last rose. Shocker.
Remember, next week they’re running episodes on back-to-back nights Monday and Tuesday. So we’ll basically be halfway through the season after next week. Yipppeeeeeee!
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