Reality Steve

The Bachelor 21 - Nick

The “Bachelor” Nick Episode 5 Recap Incl The Reality Steve Fan Appreciation Party Details Are Set

-We get a glimpse of all the girls back at the mansion as the next date card arrives, and we learn something about Danielle L. that we may not have known before. She’s a math whiz. “If your name is not on the group date, you’re going on the 2-on-1.” Wait, did she figure that one out all by herself? Like, without using her fingers to count and everything. Damn, I’m impressed woman. And whaddya’ know, the group date card is read, Corinne and Taylor aren’t on it, and Danielle immediately earns her PhD in Mathematics. So the girls head to the Houmas House in New Orleans, some made up place where there’s supposedly ghosts and the like. Nick asks the women when they arrive, “Who believes in ghosts?” I think almost all of them raised their hand. Especially Whitney since has been one for 5 episodes this season. And then she started floating away and singing a cartoon theme song. It was quite bizarre.

-When they get in the house, some guy plucked out of the local New Orleans acting troupe to play a fake bartender gives all the ladies mint juleps, and tells them the story of Mae of the ghost that allegedly haunts the house. While all of us viewing realize this is complete BS, the whole story is made up, and Mae is probably just the name of one of the producers’ grandmas, the girls are acting like they buy it. Mr. Bartender Bad Acting Guy says the house has been around since 1828, and be careful, because the walls might talk. Probably not, moron. If the walls could talk, they’d probably be saying, “What the hell kind of sleep over is this? Who made up this stupid ghost story and why are people even buying it? Is this for real? Like, for real for real? Can the owners of this house get a refund for this garbage?” You know, something like that.

-Time to bring out the Ouija board. Because nothing is more real in a haunted house than a Ouija board. Ok, I’ll admit that I’ve never used a Ouija board. Not out of fear or anything, but because I choose to live my life in reality. I’ve seen it enough on TV to know that you ask the board a question, place your hands on that little dial thingy, and supposedly some spirits lead your hands to what the answer is? Huh? That would constitute that once it lands on an answer, that you are physically unable to move your hands off of the dial thingy because it’s stuck, or else it’ll just float over every answer and…forget it. I think I have a brain cramp now due to this stupidity. How about Mae appears and makes the whole Taylor/Corinne storyline disappear? Whaddya’ say, Mae? Can you do that for us? Or are you not proficient in storyboarding silly reality TV shows?

-Nick, Raven, and Whitney are sent off to find the ghost of Mae because, well, they were told to. Or Mae’s doll. Hell, I don’t remember. If anyone can write a book report on the whole fake Mae story and turn it in by tomorrow, that’d be great. While they are searching for Mae, producers ratchet up the scary and start turning light switches on and off, make sh** fall, and pipe in audio to make the place sound haunted. Yes, this really happened. And the girls screamed at the top of their lungs. I would recap all that nonsense that happens, but I feel like if you watched last night, you saw its ridiculousness, and there’s really no need for me to tell you how it went for all those involved. It went horribly, it was bad acting all around, and producers should get an F for thinking anyone buys their fake stories. Then again, plenty of people are buying the fact that this show is about love and finding a spouse, so I guess they think they can get away with it. That’s what I’m here for people. Just doing my job.

-They never even focused on the most important part of this group date, in that it was a sleepover. Reality Steve: 4, Show: 0. I want to know more about this. Did they put each other’s bra’s in the freezer? Did they do chants of “We must, we must, we must increase our busts?” Well, you know, for those that already don’t have implants that is. I’m not the least bit concerned about if they were frightened by ghosts or ghost stories that were all made up. Lets see what these women talked about once the lights went off and sh** started getting real. I mean, did Jaimi maybe sneak over into one of the other girls sleeping bag and try to hook up? Did Vanessa start poking at a Danielle L. voodoo doll? Did Whitney actually play the role of one of the ghosts since that’s basically what she’s been for the first five episodes? Did Raven bash anyone over the head with a stiletto just for sh**s and giggles? C’mon. Show us the good stuff. This was lame.

-Nick goes outside with Danielle L. who tells him she can see herself falling in love with him, which Nick had exactly zero reaction to that was worth a damn. Danielle should’ve known right then and there that her time on this show wasn’t lasting much longer after that. But Nick does leave her with this very kind hearted message, “Absence makes the heart grow stronger.” It’s “fonder” dumbass. Just send her home now so you don’t prolong the agony. He then sits and chats with Danielle M. because earlier, Kristina “guessed” that she thinks Nick will give the group date rose to someone who’s unsure of her standing and who had an “early” date. Well, considering 1-on-1 dates don’t start til episode 2, we’re in episode 5 so episode 4 would be out, and there were only two 1-on-1 dates in episodes 2 & 3 (Danielle M. and Vanessa), that isn’t leaving many options. If Nick’s chemistry with Rachel is explosive, his chemistry with Danielle M. is whatever the opposite of explosive is. Flaccid? But they make out, he plays itsy-bitsy-spider up her arm, which he also did with Rachel’s neck on their date, which officially makes him weird. These aren’t 6 year old children. They’re your potential future ex-fiance’s.

-We saw Nick’s time with Raven as well and she admitted something pretty powerful. “The moment I fell in love with you was when you sang the Little Mermaids song when we were roller skating.” Huh? They never showed us thing. The only song we heard playing during the roller skating date was “Kiss Me.” Gee thanks a lot for leaving this part out. Gotta love it when a contestant brings up something that happened on the show that the editors previously left out. Now, if they only would’ve brought up what Vanessa told Nick at the Wisconsin group date after party about Danielle L. being fake, maybe this show could become a tad more real. But alas, that ain’t happening. But now we know that Raven has fallen in love with Nick because he sings Little Mermaid songs. Now all of us can collectively throw up in our mouths together, 1…2…3!!!! Danielle M. ended up getting the group date rose because, ummmm, someone had to.

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  1. rob22

    January 31, 2017 at 10:35 AM

    I think RS missed the point of beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe Du Monde. You go there with a hangover for a mainline of sugar and caffeine. It doesn’t even matter if they’re good. I think they are good as long as you don’t let them sit too long. After a bit, the grease starts to run off the beignet and it loses it’s appeal. But that’s all beside the point of going there. It’s New Orleans. If you’re at Cafe Du Monde, you have a serious hangover that needs immediate attention.

  2. crushonspivey

    January 31, 2017 at 12:41 PM

    I hit saturation point with Corinne last night. I had found her schtick amusing for a while, and enjoyed seeing her get under the skin of the more insecure and immature contestants (Taylor, Sarah, Kristina), but last night was too much. And now her ability to amuse is gone, so she needs to go. Time to cancel The Corinne Show.

    I do blame the producers as well. They are still struggling to learn that less is more, except in the episode where the contestant is going home. Then, let them go down in a blaze of glory of their own making.

    The editors gave her too much time, it distracted from anyone thinking Nick is actually going to find love on this show, and I honestly started getting bored with the episode. And so did my wife, who is ratings target gold for this show.

    Hoping the show is about to transition soon to seeing which connections develop. Not holding my breath.

  3. purplerayne

    January 31, 2017 at 1:35 PM

    Dude, fried dough is the best! I understand Steve is a donut guy, but you cannot knock down beignets! Its like knocking down pies bc you prefer cake.

    I am OVER Corrine. Yes, Taylor is unaware of her stank faces and her manner of speech. BUT Corrine’s flippant way of behaviour and her mean verbal attack on Taylor just put me over the edge. She’s not entered Chad territory, where the villain is no longer enjoyable to the show.

  4. rob22

    January 31, 2017 at 2:10 PM

    For me, Corrine’s shelf life was 2 episodes. I’m WAY over it. There are not any REAL looking relationships forming. It’s all paint by numbers stuff. “I’m falling in love with you”. “He’s so good looking”. “I could see myself with her”. Snore. The thing is, despite all of the show’s fakeness, usually there were one or two that were into the lead and the lead was into them. So, at least you’d have something sort of nice going on in between all the drama and sleeziness. I’m still equating Nick with Juan Pah-Blow. Like our buddy Juan on his season, Nick does not appear to be super into any of the girls. Of course, he’s lining up three of them for the fantasy suites. That’s the whole gig as far as he’s concerned. But, for him, the last two episodes are going to be the test to see whether his acting classes did any good. He’s going to have to fake it hard when he has to pretend to fall in love and propose to someone. It would be crazy funny if he started looking in the other direction and mumbling when he was “proposing”. If he does, everyone has to down a small glass of Mezcal. The worm is optional.

  5. rob22

    January 31, 2017 at 2:22 PM

    @crushonspivey: I’m with you. But is Corrine distracting from a love story, or was Corrine allowed to stay so long & given so much air time precisely because there isn’t a love story to talk about? I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. I’m sure they’ll pull something together to look like a happy ending. But it won’t be real. I feel like they have a long way to go to make it plausible that Nick and Vanessa have anything going on. Ah, the wonders of editing. I think this is a big reason why any Vanessa related problems in the house will not be shown. They can’t afford to trash her & still pull together the required proposal and love story finale. She’s going to get a squeaky clean edit.

  6. kimmyfromdablock

    January 31, 2017 at 2:47 PM

    Let me pile on the “over Corinne” bandwagon. The whole schtick is getting old, but I must say that the outrage over the repeated “*itch” references doesn’t really matter. We all know this show sells everyone out and doesn’t have much in the way of scruples. Let’s also face it, if this was a man consistently referring to another man as an a-hole, no one would really care. It would just be guys being guys and we’d call the offending guy a jerk.

    I can’t imagine how my father would react to me bringing a guy home like Nick. The fact that he mumbles when he talks, often times puts his hands over his mouth when speaking and has a difficult time making direct eye contact for more than a few seconds….would put some big red flags up for any parent.

    I also believe Taylor has made a complete mess of herself on this show. Not a great look for someone in a helping profession who is probably looking to build a clientele. She came off as arrogant, patronizing and immature. The fact that she got herself into this mess or allowed herself to be so manipulated by professionals is indicative of her immaturity, not her degree.

  7. teenie26

    February 1, 2017 at 6:20 AM

    I will defend beignets to my death – they are the best! Aside from that, does anyone know if Corinne is the first person to ever make it to hometowns without having had a prior one-on-one date? It just seems strange – like she really is just a producer pick.

  8. ctrealitygirl

    February 1, 2017 at 8:18 AM

    I agree with everyone! I always set my DVR and half watch the episodes while reading or doing crosswords, then watch the taped version the next night, fast-forwarding thru all the crap. But this episode was such a snooze fest that have not bothered to re-watch it. And I dozed off and missed most of the 2-on-1 date and have no interest in watching it. It seems to me that the whole season has been based around Corinne and her antics, her feud with Taylor WAY too many ITM’s. I, too, miss the days when the Bachelor at least made an attempt to show a love story in the making. But each season it gets farther and farther away from that format. The one thing that i find satisfying is that (according to Steve) Corinne does not get to the fantasy suites. I cannot wait to see Nick turn down her offer to have sex. I hope the folks at ABC read these comments and make some attempt to stop focusing on villains and go back to centering on the dates. And why have there been so few 1-on-1’s this year?? The format used to be two 1-on-1’s and one group date until later in the season when they got to the 2-on-1. Way too many goofy group dates this season, and the lamest one yet was that haunted house date. Ugh.

  9. realiteacheck

    February 1, 2017 at 10:43 AM

    I’ve never felt compelled to comment until today. Steve – You are spot on with your Corinne analysis. Please ABC, we’re all done with her. She’s not funny to watch (never thought she was to begin with) and she’s certainly not original. Every season, there will be a new villain to talk about and I find that the villain character is now old and played out. Yawn. It’s the public viewer that fuels the fire and keeps characters like her on the show. When will we ever learn to just stop talking or caring about them?

    I don’t understand the fascination with her or her character because it is so easy to play the villain on reality TV. Think about it: what normal, sane person would ever want to live with that reputation for the rest of their everyday lives? If you volunteer yourself for this role, all you have to do is say whatever random, cruel thing comes to your mind (without reason) and do whatever the heck you want. Half the time the producers are supplying the villain with everything they need to act in a certain way – everything from context to alcohol to coaching. So, I guess good for Corinne to take the easy way out?

  10. kathscof

    February 1, 2017 at 1:29 PM

    I love beignets, and am over Corrine…I literally fast forward whenever she talks….

    The best part about last night’s show was the Luke and Josh beauty and the beast teasers and the new trailer!

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