Long time readers of this column might understand a little bit more about what I’m going to say than say if you started reading this site 364 days ago. Today is a pretty memorable anniversary, as exactly one year ago today, my sweet Maddie passed away. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. I haven’t talked about it much since it happened because it’s just still too hard for me. She was the only dog I’ve ever owned, I haven’t gotten a new one, I get asked all the time if I’m going to and my answer remains the same, “I don’t know. I just know I’m not ready yet.” One thing that I have not done in the last year is go back and read the tribute I wrote to her a year ago today called A Tribute to Maddie. Today was the first time I did it. Yeah, probably not the greatest way to start out my day. But I’m glad I did. I’ll never get over that day and how quickly everything happened, but I still think about her all the time. Obviously it slowly gets better because I remember this time last year what a mess I was about it, never thinking it’d get better. Slowly but surely it has. But can I watch dog videos on Facebook or have any interest in seeing “A Dog’s Purpose” this weekend (even before the animal cruelty never came out)? Absolutely not. I’m still not at that point yet. Hell, even re-reading what I wrote a year ago took some effort because I didn’t want to. Anyway, I still have over 1,000 emails saved from the last year that many of you sent to me after Maddie passed and I’ll always appreciate those. So on this day, just wanted to say thanks and I appreciate all of you who come to this site and read daily, weekly, whatever. Means a lot. It’s still weird not having her around at times, but she’ll always be with me.
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“Dr. Reality Steve” emails on page 2…
rob22
January 26, 2017 at 9:56 AM
Boyfriends French Parents: First, you will never change the parents. If they happen to warm up to you, that’s an unexpected bonus. That doesn’t mean you have to break up with your boyfriend. People don’t choose their families. We’re all stuck with who we have.
So, you need to clear up a confusion for me. On one hand you say that your boyfriend said he wasn’t a family guy and would be OK with you not having dinner with them. Then you go on to say that his parents moved closer to you and you see them more often. Something isn’t square with those two comments. I’ll touch on that later.
If you want to continue a relationship with your boyfriend and not have to deal with the parents, you need to be able to minimize contact. DON’T have them over for dinner. DON’T go over to their house. Only see them when it’s absolutely required, such as a family wedding, or similar. In those instances, be polite, but don’t stop and chat. Keep your distance and leave as early as reasonably possible. If Thanksgiving dinner can’t be avoided, come as late as possible, and have plans elsewhere for dessert or drinks. I think under those rules, you could live peacefully apart from them. By being polite always and not EVER talking poorly about them to your boyfriend, they can be largely out of your life. If your boyfriend wants to see them for optional visits, give him your blessings. Just opt out of going yourself. If this can’t be done without argument, then that’s not workable.
So….For this to work, you have to agree ahead of time that this is how it will be going forward. AND your boyfriend has to stick to the agreement 100%. Minimal contact only at non optional get togethers. And he’s free to visit on his own, if he feels it necessary. If he agrees to this & sticks to it, it’s workable. If he doesn’t, it’s not.
Back to that little discrepancy between what your boyfriend said about not being a family guy and his parents suddenly moving closer and visiting more often, that is concerning. Could your boyfriend be a guy who says one thing and does another? If so, beat him with one of your stiletto heels. I’ve heard that’s a popular way of breaking up with bad boyfriends.
rob22
January 26, 2017 at 10:24 AM
The Male Mind: ah, the dreaded topic. So, yeah, he’s trolling for interest from you. Why? Maybe he’s feeling lonely (most likely reason) and just wanted a quick ego boost. And probably thinks you were the one to give it to him…. and you delivered. Thank you ma’am! Was it good for you too?
It is also possible that he is (very slightly)interested but feels there are impediments to any further relationship with you. Those could include things such as him having a girlfriend or fiance that he doesn’t want to piss off. This is the #2 most likely answer from our studio audience for those of you playing Family Feud.
Oh, and did you say he’s the jealous type?! That’s not a harbinger for positive things to come. It’s more like a gateway to abusive behavior. Maybe starting out with vague emails. Oh, snap! This little jealousy nugget doesn’t make him sound at all like Prince Charming. Let’s just put it that way.
Anyway, it’s highly unlikely that he is interested more than to just see if you are still interested him. Otherwise you would have gotten some sort of invite immediately upon your little smiley face response. He knew that meant you were interested and there was a HUGE glaring Green Light to invite you out. And…. he didn’t take the green light. He put up a big Red Stop Sign instead. Going forward… well…. drunk texts or vague emails every few months doesn’t qualify as interest. Please don’t spend more emotional energy thinking about this. At young ages we feel like we have all kinds of time. But years can get behind us very quickly if we waste time thinking obsessively about vague emails from ex-boyfriends. If he keep doing this, I suggest you not respond at all. Of course, you could beat him with a stiletto heel, but in this case, I don’t think this is entirely necessary. Not responding to him further should serve the same purpose. You have my go ahead to crush his soul with a non response next time he looks to you for some sort of weirdly motivated ego gratification.
katieottawa
January 27, 2017 at 2:26 AM
I speak french. the next time the parents are rude to you just yell loudly Ca Suffit La!!J’en ai completement marre de me faire insulter! 8 years its about freaking time you speak up and say it loudly and forcefully so that they get the message clearly and that you aint joking. Maybe the reason they keep doing it is because you dont say anything back or call them out on it. Who cares what they say at that point? seriously if you speak up to them and it doesnt do anything..i would just cut my losses
personally the next time it would happen or got fed up i would just tell the parents where to go so i could get some dignity back and then tell your bf to call you when his parents are dead and leave.
i am french and i think your bf is not being honest with you as far as what the true reason his parents have issues with you. ive never heard of someone harboring 8 years of resentment because the first time they met they didnt kiss them goodnight or get into a heated argument over it. ridiculous. its not a big deal and they would have gotten over it. its something else and if i were to guess its your ethnicity they have an issue with especially from the remarks about the language and culture barrier.
Also your bf is a bit of a jerk for not standing up for you and speaking up when they make comments and he sees you hurt by it.
other problem. pretty simple. he was bored/drunk/lonely and was just fishing through his list of exes and you replied and reacted positive to his flirting. he got his ego stroked and it reaffirmed you were still a possible option for him if he ever needed his ego stroked again in the future. thats it a guy who emails you once every 2 years is not one you should give another thought about and probably should just ignore in the future
LynnS
January 27, 2017 at 12:54 PM
I completely agree with you, Katie. This woman needs to show some backbone with his parents and with him! Eight years and they’re still boyfriend/girlfriend?
I was in a short-lived relationship way back where his mother and brothers didn’t like me and treated me quite badly. Each time they did, I’d look lover at my bf and he’d be pretending to be reading or watching tv so, of course, he couldn’t say anything since he didn’t hear it! I just cannot stand weak men who let their family/friends mistreat their woman. I know it works both ways, but in all my years of observing this, it’s usually the men who won’t say anything.
So actually, I think her biggest problem is with her boyfriend. He needs to man up!