Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails” Incl Tomorrow’s Podcast Guest, and Josh Speaks on Andi & Nick

Photo Credit: ET Online

Before we get to talking about podcast stuff and the latest flying out of Josh Murray’s mouth, a good response yesterday to “Cash me ousside how bout dah” girl. Good meaning everyone is pretty in shock over this girl and her antics. I can’t get enough of it. Like, I spent a lot of time yesterday going back over old interviews she did that I missed. You know, after she went on Dr. Phil in September, he sent her away to a “rehab” place. Not one of those Dr. Drew type places, but one up in the mountains where she was basically given a horse that she had to take care of to learn responsibilities. I guess you’re only supposed to do a month or 3 months there, and she says she did six because, well, I guess that’s how jacked up they thought she was. However she’s gotten back and doesn’t seem like much has changed. Maybe she doesn’t fight and steal as much anymore, but she’s still copping major attitude, and now has a grill on her lower teeth because of course. I found the most recent interview with her I could find and that was less than a week ago, Big Boy had her and her mother in studio for 20 minutes and, frankly, it was pure radio gold. Just a warning, she drops the f-bomb numerous times because she’s a bratty 13 year old with zero regard for other humans. With that said, I couldn’t take my eyes off this interview. It’s like, this is one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen because she’s so messed up this young, yet on the flip side, it’s f***ing hilarious. So here’s an interview from last week with her and her new bottom teeth grill.

Once Josh Murray gets started, it’s hard to stop him. He chimed in with his thoughts on Andi and Nick and basically went scorched earth. The passive aggressiveness of Josh is so transparent. He’ll tell any outlet who covers him how much of a bigger man he is because he didn’t write a book, and he’s had opportunities to respond but has chosen not to because Jesus texted him or something, yet in those same interviews, he’s basically still taking shots. Like, at least Andi put it all out there. Do I agree with writing a book about your ex and exposing everything? No. But not my decision to make. However, she owned it, put her name to it, and doesn’t hide behind it. Josh is taking thinly veiled shots at her followed up by, “But I could do much worse. I just choose not to and stay above it.” He thinks he’s actually fooling people into thinking he’s taking the high road, when if you look at his comments, he really isn’t. Yes, he hasn’t written a book like she did, but he’s definitely given opinions about her. Unless every interview he gives he says, “I’m not talking about her,” then he’s giving opinions on her. I can’t believe he doesn’t realize we see exactly what he’s doing. Or at least I do. Hopefully you all do too. I honestly don’t think Nick cares WHAT Josh said. It’s petty and lame and irrelevant. But the fact that an media outlet gave Josh this floor and plenty of other outlets picked it up, which is taking away focus from Nick and his season, I’m guessing has Nick absolutely FUMING on the inside. He already doesn’t like the guy, and now to have him saying these things while Nick’s season is down to the final four taking attention away from him? Nick is NOT a happy camper. You can take that to the bank.

Anyway, podcast #14 tomorrow is with JJ Lane. Former contestant/villain on Kaitlyn’s season and also appeared on “Bachelor in Paradise 2” for a little redemption tour that seemed to work in his favor. A LOT of good insight from JJ about what he thought during Kaitlyn’s season, how the franchise has changed, what he thinks about all the internet shilling of products when he’s guilty of it himself. I honestly thought I’d get maybe 30-40 minutes with JJ. We ended up going for 80 minutes discussing a myriad of topics. A very interesting conversation that I’m looking forward to you all hearing tomorrow, so check that out.

Lets get straight to your “Reader Emails.” Enjoy…

Even though I did not watch Ben F’s season (I hadn’t started watching the Bachelor franchise shows yet) I really enjoyed your podcast with Courtney Robertson. In fact, it convinced me to read her book. In the book she has several sections titled “Keeping it Real.” I’m wondering if you know the scoop on some of these:

On a hometown date, a Bachelor lead promised the contestant’s younger brother that he would return to teach him how to a throw a football. The Bachelor did not pick that contestant and the little brother cried, asking if he was the reason the Bachelor did not propose to his sister. Which Bachelor? (pg. 287)

Which Bachelor was so asexual that in the fantasy suite, the contestant kept filling him up with alcohol every time he tried to hide in the bathroom? (pg. 305)

Which Bachelor hooked up with an ex right before hometowns (pg. 306)


Comment: She’s never answered those publicly, and I doubt she will. I think I know who two of those three would be, but I’m not at liberty to say. Because if it isn’t those people, then it gets pinned on me saying that I said it. Don’t need that headache.

Hi Steve,

I was inclined to email after a trend I was noticing in response to Rachel being named Bachelorette. Just had to add my two cents J

This is in no way directed at you, just a thought about how the media and people in general are handling this announcement:

I am shocked that even the most “progressive” of bloggers and websites have been jumping to the conclusion that because Rachel is black, that OF COURSE she would prefer to date black men, and that we should see if ABC will give us more black suitors because the Bachelorette is black. How can we at all assume that she finds African American men more attractive than Hispanics, Caucasians, Indians,etc?! Just because she herself is African American? It’s crazy and sad to me that this is everyone’s first assumption, and it’s so hypocritical that these are the same people who were criticizing the Bachelor for being racist.

Maybe I’m just being too sensitive … I’m a woman who has always found black men to be incredibly attractive, has dated 2 Hispanics, and ended up marrying an amazing Indian man, so this is just getting under my skin. Plenty of people find attractive qualities in all races, and certainly once personality is thrown in the mix, anyone can be attractive. Just because she’s black, does NOT necessarily mean she wants the majority of her “suitors” to be African American, and the world needs to stop jumping to that conclusion if we’re going to be progressive as a society. Interracial relationships are common and they are awesome J

Phew, sorry, that was quite the rant. Thanks for letting me get that out there, and for everything you do 🙂

Comment: You have every right to feel that way. Yes, people can assume that. Maybe they are right, but maybe they aren’t. Unfortunately nowadays, where so many people have an outlet to say what they want, you had to know that was coming. I’m starting to do a little more research on Rachel now in terms of her past, her dating history, etc. If I find stuff out, I’ll let people know. I honestly have no idea what her past dating preference was. I’ve never heard because I never bothered to look into it. Now that she’s the “Bachelorette,” it becomes a little more relevant so I’ll see if I can get anything. No guarantees.

Hey Steve

Why do you think that Vanessa and Nikki got good edits when they could have gotten a bad one and Courtney got such a negative edit? I remember watching Courtney when she was on the show and being so surprised that producers would paint her in such an unflattering light, that they would have wanted viewers to root for the “winner”. Do you think they try to edit out bad behavior by the winner now because of how viewers reacted to Courtney winning?

Comment: Nobody knows why so much stuff was left out of Vanessa’s edit and we never will. Speculations and guesses will go on for ages with zero answers. I’m trying not to concern myself so much with the “why” because there won’t be answer. The “what” I’d say is more important.

Hi Steve,

Funny story of how I started reading your page. I had a friend who was studying media/production in school and went to a conference. There were former Bachelor/Bachelorette producers there who discussed frankenbites and other techniques, how immoral the editing was, and how they hated it and were so relieved to get other jobs in the industry. When my friend told me this I was curious to find out more, googled, and found your site – in time to catch the spoilers and watch Jason’s ATFR. I’ve been watching the show since, so I can follow along with your spoilers. Thanks for what you do! Gee, former producers who worked on the show even admitting how immoral their job. Imagine that?

This exchange from your column prompted me to write:

“Hi Steve,

Do you know if the Bachelor leads get some sort of training in listening techniques prior to going on the show. I have been super impressed with the way Nick, Ben and even Chris listened to each woman during 1 on 1 time, have the ability to make them all feel heard, validated, etc.

Comment: Really? Because I’ve thought just the opposite (as have a lot of readers), that Nick seems completely bored by what the women tell him and he checks out on basically everyone he’s not interested in.”

I actually agree with this reader to some extent. Yes, editing generally sticks to generic topics for the most part. It may have been Raven (I can’t remember if someone else was cheated on?) but he was discussing being cheated on with one of the women, and she gave some reason she hadn’t shared it. He basically said to her that he knew she had felt ashamed, as that’s a natural feeling after being cheated on, even though no one who is cheated on is to blame. That was the kind of moment which is super attractive to a woman – a man listening to her and responding with a deeper understanding of her feelings than he was told.

I still think the guy is completely unattractive, and it doesn’t negate the point you made that he was only listening to specific women. However, it was the biggest glimpse I have had so far of why anyone would find him appealing, and I suspect there was more of it going on that we weren’t shown – it’s really quite boring to those of us not involved in the conversation.

Comment: I mean I guess that’s one example, but if you’ve read the “Reader Emails” essentially all season, there are plenty who seem to think Nick looks disinterested. Maybe he just pays attention to ones he really liked and maybe saw a chance with, which was probably about three of them – Raven being one.

Hi Steve, The Bachelor is so boring this season I fast forward it. It is the perfect show to make you feel like a zombie. I must say this season has given me a great nap. I do not feel it will be much better with Rachel she comes across as snooze worthy. I do not dislike her as much as Nick. They really dug deep when they chose him. I get my info from you so i can give up watching the show. It’s funny i never get tired of Survivor. My question is how can people really believe that contestants go on the show to find romance. Most important we must ask ourselves why we watch it? Are our relationships that sad where we are caught up in fake romances or shows like the Kardashians. Keep up the good work i tell everyone about you, a fan for years. I Miss your live fan questions and answers.

Comment: Because a lot of people who are invested into these types of shows are living vicariously through them. I have no explanation why people would ever think this show is about love and romance. I guess they cling on to the few success stories the show has but forget the 3 times as many breakups they’ve had.

Honestly, I don’t miss the live chats at all. It was too difficult to do on a weekly basis and there were so many repetitive questions. Not to mention, I couldn’t really ever prepare for it like I can the podcasts.

Hey Steve,

With regards to Nick probably not getting the DWTS gig, do you think it’s because of Rachel? Or some other reason? On PureDWTS it sounds like they really want her and it might be too much with 2 back to back bachelor/ette cast members as contestants…

Comment: All information that’s been released online points to Nick not being on the upcoming season that starts March 20th. And if he’s not on that season, he’ll never be on a future season. You strike while the iron is hot, and if they don’t want him now, they never will.

As for Rachel, she wouldn’t be on til the fall season if she is. Way too early to discuss that.

Now that we know he chooses Vanessa (thank you Steve), and there is a very good possibility that it will not last, will Fleiss finally dump him for good, no fifth chance? I sure hope so. What say you?

Comment: I’d be stunned if Nick ever appeared on any of their shows again outside of a cameo at a wedding, or a special, or something like that. A contestant on “Bachelorette” or BIP after this? No way.

Hey Steve,

I’ve been watching the bachelor since season 1 when I was in high school and I’ve been reading your site weekly (if not daily) for I can’t even remember how many years. I’ve never written in, so I figured it was time.

I’ve got a couple questions, but before I ask, I just wanted to say that last year when I read your post about Maddie, I was so heartbroken for you. Seeing her on your Thursday video chats and reading about her for years on your site, it was easy to see the connection you had with her and the huge part of your life that she was. Reading that post had me in tears for several hours. Thanks for sharing your heart and what you were feeling with us all that day. It was very touching.


1) I’m loving the podcasts! Love that I can listen in the car and wherever. Last weeks with Courtney was awesome! Loved everything she had to say and thought in your interview that it seemed like y’all had been friends for years! Very fun listen. I would love to hear an interview with Michelle Money! Any chance we’ll ever see that happen? I’d say there’s a very good chance of that happening. And soon.

2) If you could interview anyone from the franchise, who would it be? Are we talking about realistic ones, or ones I know would never do it but I’d love to have them on? Because if that’s the case, Chris Harrison and Elan Gale would be 1A and 1B. But there’s zero chance either would do it because they know what questions would be coming and there’d be no way they’d put themselves in that position. So better to just avoid it all together. Kinda like why this show doesn’t allow media to ask them about me.

As far as others, Emily Maynard comes to mind. But she wouldn’t do it either I don’t think. Jason & Molly, Brad Womack, and Nick to name a few. I just don’t know if they will.

3) What’s your favorite part of your job, and what’s the worst? Favorite part is the perks – being my own boss, not having to answer to anyone, creating my own hours, and the freedom of not having an 8-5 job. Worst? Sometimes when even the spoilers aren’t good enough. I’ll say something like, “So and so goes home in episode 7,” but nowadays, that’s not good enough. I have to know HOW they went home. Because trust me, if I ever said, “so and so doesn’t get a rose at a rose ceremony in episode 6” or whatever, and that person actually went home earlier in that episode, I’ll actually get people telling me I don’t know anything and would consider that spoiler wrong. That’s why I say that I’ve “spoiled” some people in that sense. Gets annoying. I know a lot about this show. Probably more than 99% of the people on the internet know. But I don’t know every single detail, never will, and sometimes I feel like people expect me to, and that’s just unrealistic. Or if something isn’t shown that I spoiled (the Vanessa stuff this season) that means it didn’t or couldn’t have happened. Yeah, that gets old.

4) Who is your favorite “villain” that’s been cast- like, who did you get a kick out of watching? Courtney was funny. So was Michelle.

Thanks for making watching this show fun and enjoyable to watch! I say that I’m done watching this show after every season, and then as soon as filming ends and you spoil it, I read about the train wreck that’s gonna be happening and just can’t look away! Haha

Have a good one!

Hi Steve, I first want to say that I love your podcast and look forward to future past contestants and bloggers dialogue with you.

Okay, so Ashley I said on an after-buzz radio show that people are crazy if they go on the bachelor to “find love” and she went in 50% as a career move and she also went for the traveling, forming friendships, and the experience… She said that granted if she did fall in love with Chris and he picked her then she would be with him, but no one goes on the bachelor to solely find a husband, because that is highly unlikely. She also said the girls in one bachelor week only see the bachelor for like 4 hours tops.

So my question is, assuming that most of these girls come for travel, career, and experience like Ashley I did, and they don’t even see the bachelor all that much unless they get a 1on1…Do you think the girls who cry hysterically (who are sent home like episodes 1-5) before a real connection can be formed. Do you think they are truly crying because they didn’t find love? What percentage would you guess actually are crying for “the right reasons”, and what percentage is crying because they are going to miss their new friends that they just met and the fact that they’ll be missing out on the next vacation spot, or simply the fact that it’s just a natural reaction to losing a competition?

Comment: None of them are crying because they didn’t find love. They’re crying over a myriad of other factors, none of which is because the “Bachelor” didn’t choose them. Lack of sleep, drunk, a producer is basically forcing them to by talking about something else, embarrassment, etc.



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