Reality Steve


Podcast #14 with Special Guest JJ Lane Along with “Dr. Reality Steve” Emails

Photo Credit: ABC

There’s of course the saying to “never judge a book by it’s cover.” I think all of us who watch this show are certainly guilty of that. I know I am. Many times we get a perception of somebody based on what we see, and we get led into this false sense of that’s who they really are. I never looked at JJ Lane as bad as others did, but I did think he did some douchey things on the show. But he was always an interesting character to me because I felt he was someone who spoke his mind. And sometimes on this show, that backfires. So I was looking forward to our conversation, but not expecting what I got. He was insightful about his time on Kaitlyn’s season providing some good anecdotes behind the scenes, what it was like basically being ostracized in the house, and then going on BIP 2 and how that changed things for him. Also, JJ being friends with Ben Higgins offers his perspective on all the rumors surrounding Ben & Lauren right now. I didn’t expect him to answer it at all, but what he offered up was very insightful. All in all, a very candid and honest 80 minute interview that surprised even me. Again, if you enjoy the interview and want to tweet about it, just be sure to include JJ in your tweets @jjhlane. Hope you enjoy today’s podcast. I certainly did and thanks again to JJ for coming on.

You can listen to today’s podcast on a number of platforms, but you can also tune in by clicking the player below:

Subscribe: iTunes, RSS, Stitcher
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)

(SPOILERS): We began by talking about his thoughts on having a two “Bachelorette” season, the Kaitlyn over Britt vote (3:54), how he kinda toyed with Ryan McDill (6:25), how the show completely took and ran with the Clint “bromance” (8:08), being on his own once Clint was gone (16:19), Nick showing up midway through Kaitlyn’s season (19:20), when he knew he was going home in Ireland (23:10), being a “villain” and dealing with social media negativity after the fact (28:45), his thoughts on Ben & Lauren (33:24), post-show social media and the after effects it has on contestants (43:19), going on “Bachelor in Paradise” (45:45), contestants who shill products on Instagram (53:30), Rapid 10 (1:01:35), and why he’s not watching Nick’s season (1:15:45).

Twitter: @jjhlane
Instagram: jjhlane
Snapchat: jjh2121

“Dr. Reality Steve” emails on page 2…

Page 1 of 212


  1. rob22

    February 23, 2017 at 10:21 AM

    Career Confused in Canada: As I look at your various questions, it all comes back to one thing. Because you have student loans you’re limited in your opportunities and choices. Your student loans are the problem. Eliminate them and then you could choose to go back to college, change careers, travel more, enjoy life, etc. So, before you can have the freedom to do all of the things you want to do you need to focus 100% on eliminated your student loan debt. Literally put all other thoughts and plans on hold & deal with your debt.

    You didn’t say how much it is, but obviously it’s a burden. My advice is put together a personal budget first (you can use online budgeting software such as available at and see how you are spending your money. And, within that budget decide how you WANT to spend your money. In the near term, the idea is to reduce expenses as much as possible and divert every penny possible towards paying your debt off fast.

    That’s a start. Quite honestly, you’re probably barely making ends meet with your current income. So, you both need to look to increase income. Some ideas: look for overtime opportunities, look for a better paying job (if he’s in security, he might have better opportunities here), you both should look at second jobs (Uber, AirBnB, waiter, whatever might work), maybe you have stuff in storage that you could sell. Whatever you can do, raise as much money as you can to pound out the debt. Insanely focused effort here can move mountains.

    This sounds like no fun. But the situation you’re in is already no fun. So if you just make your situation slightly less fun, but really go at it hard, you can get into the situation where your debt is paid off & you can start to do the things you want. And, if you’re going to go this route, I strongly suggest you aim towards specific goals, such as going back to college, getting an English degree and changing professions. Nobody likes to suffer & work crazy hard, and we won’t unless we have a very important goal that we achieve at the end of it all. So, clear goals, a budget, increased income and intense focus = a return to a fun life, sooner rather than later.

    Good luck!!

  2. rob22

    February 23, 2017 at 10:49 AM

    On the last letter, I don’t listen to the Podcasts (too long) so I don’t know all of your details. But I’m not buying his explanation. Guys just don’t go and dump someone they love because they feel they’re bringing you down because of problems with work, family, etc., or whatever nonsense he’s selling. Guys, of course, do get overwhelmed with personal issues, but they don’t just suddenly dump their fiancee because of it. What might happen if they have a lot of personal issues is that they might get increasingly tough to deal with, cranky, etc. leading to increased arguing and fighting and THAT might lead to you not getting along & a breakup. But breakups like this don’t come out of nowhere. Guys usually like to have a girlfriend supporting them if they are having problems. Girls listen to them and let them vent, where their guy friends are pretty much useless at those things. “Too bad dude. Let’s hit the bars” is probably the best they can hope for from a guy friend. Now, if it went down more like I noted above, more gradually, and not just out of the blue, then maybe I’m buying. Like I said at the beginning, maybe I missed some detail from the podcast.

    I do believe he’s earnestly trying to reconnect with you because he feels he made a mistake. But my feeling is that he should really come clean with you about what happened before that can happen. Every single time I’ve ever heard this “broke up out of the blue” type story, there’s been another woman involved. Every time. Nothing will end a relationship faster than sudden interest in someone else. I’m sure somewhere along the line you’ve considered this possibility. And, maybe you’re the exception to the rule here, but I’m thinking not. Now whatever was going on obviously ended (one would hope)…. leading to the initial sheepish and cryptic emails sent entirely to test the waters and see if he had anyway back in. The grass doesn’t always prove to be greener elsewhere, of course. And he may have a new appreciation for what you did have. And, of course, he’s afraid if he tells you the truth, you might go all Raven on him and you’d beat him with your stiletto heeled boot before dumping him and blocking him completely. That might be true, I don’t know how much crazy you’ve got in you. But, bottom line, I’d feel much better about the situation if he was being honest and explaining to you why it happened and why it won’t happen again. Because, you know, it just might happen again. Nobody needs that. Especially you.

  3. sarahe

    February 23, 2017 at 1:36 PM

    To Amanda from Chicago, I completely agree with what rob22 said. I was in a similar situation to you. My boyfriend and I were not engaged when this happened, but we were coming up on our 2 year anniversary and had been living together for the past year. I had a health issue come up towards the end of the summer that put a tremendous amount of strain on us, and I was having a hard time physically and emotionally. I thought we were getting better and I was starting to feel like myself again when my boyfriend pretty much told me that he didn’t want to fully break up, but he wanted to take a break. He kept telling me it was because things were so hard at work, he was feeling like he was in a rut, and that we’d “most likely” end up together. I was in shock, so that first night, I went to my parents’ house and played along. But in my heart I knew something was up. The next day, when I went to pack up some things, I saw a text come through from another girl. I immediately knew this was the reason, and so I confronted him about it, and he told me about her. She was a new hire at his work who he felt a connection with one night during a happy hour, and while nothing physical happened, he wanted to explore it further. I was devastated, and I straight up ignored him for a week. Sure enough, after a week, he called me and begged me to come home. I made him tell me EVERYTHING that happened with this girl. I had to think long and hard about taking him back, and he really had to step up to show me it was worth it. Even after I got back with him, I had some BAD trust issues with him (for great reason) and we had a rough time after our reconciliation, but ultimately now we are in the best place we’ve ever been. If you feel like he’s your forever, don’t rule him out, but DEFINITELY find out the truth, because I feel like there was another girl in the picture. Regardless of if anything physical happened, you neeed to know about it before making a choice to get back together.

  4. cjscjs711

    February 23, 2017 at 7:35 PM

    Have to agree with previous on Amanda in Chicago.

    Typical scenario. Need a break, need more space; they really just want to see someone else without feeling like they’re cheating. But not completely cut loose, because maybe it won’t turn out to be so great. Plus they really do have feelings.

    Typically – they don’t pan out so well. So you can spend a lot of your time on this relationship that’s not 100%.

  5. rob22

    February 24, 2017 at 7:09 AM

    For Amanda: expanding on my thoughts and the thoughts of others: What I would like to have heard is that this guy dumped you and was honest from the start. If he had said something like “I’m interested in someone else and want to explore that & I don’t want to cheat on you. So to be completely honest and fair, I’m breaking up with you before I go there”. Now this is super blunt & is really going to sting. But you have to respect the honesty and the desire to play by the rules. You may hate him, you may be really hurt, but you could never call him a cheater or a liar. And there’s something to that. Because trust is all you have and trust is based on honesty, especially when honesty is inconvenient to the teller.

    If it went down this way, you still may not want him back because of the pain he caused you. You might also question if his love was too flaky for your tastes and whether you’ll get a repeat performance down the road. For sure taking him back is not an automatic. But at the same time, he didn’t cheat, he didn’t lie and so you can actually believe what he’s telling you this time around when you decide whether to start back up, or not.

    The problem I have with Amanda’s scenario, is that if I’m right about there being another woman, he did cheat and he did lie. So now, how can you trust him this time? Answer: you can’t. Unfortunately most guys will go the lying, cheating route to make it easier on themselves, both on the way out and on the way back in. Your guy went with a version of “it’s me, not you” and conveniently (and incoherently) blamed work and family issues. And it wasn’t honest. Bluntly admitting that you are about to stray and therefore need to breakup is not something most guys are ready to sign up for. So, as a result, they prove themselves not to be trustworthy. That doesn’t bode well for “happily ever after”. Does it? That’s a rhetorical question.

  6. LM111

    February 24, 2017 at 9:25 AM

    Man. I listened to the podcast with Amanda and it was eerily similar to something that happened to me in December 2013. Long story short, it was New Year’s Eve and my live-in boyfriend announced that he was leaving/moving out (that very night!). I was blindsided. We didn’t have any arguments leading up to it, in fact, he was sending me texts the day before telling me how much he wanted to marry me and how lucky he felt to have me! The day before!? WTF?

    I never got closure. I never got answers. He never heard from me again.

    Now, I suspect Rob22 is on to something about there being another woman in the picture. In my experience, men typically don’t ditch regular sex when there are no prospects on the horizon. Maybe his company hired someone that he found attractive and he wanted to pursue it. The problem, of course, is that he wasn’t honest. You can’t fault someone for being human, but you can (and should) fault them for being dishonest. You can forgive, but you’ll never have the peace of mind that trust brings. Is it worth it? I don’t think so. You sound like a very articulate and level-headed woman. You deserve better.

  7. ihatethebachbutalsoloveitsomuch

    February 24, 2017 at 10:41 AM

    This website sucks so much. Not the content. I love the content. But it ALWAYS tells me there’s an error and the page reloads or stupid ads pop up and I can’t get them to go away. Even typing this comment has been a pain. I wish this were an easier site to interact with because I’m legit obsessed with Reality Steve spoilers.

  8. kimmyfromdablock

    February 24, 2017 at 11:49 AM

    Currently listening to the JJ Lane podcast and he is simply douche-tastic. He did indeed seem douche-y when he was on Bachelorette and he still strikes me as the same.

  9. LynnS

    February 25, 2017 at 12:35 PM

    I feel the same way. I can’t even finish it. But I am curious as to whether he’s still living in his parents’ basement.

  10. texas

    February 25, 2017 at 7:00 PM

    I agree with the others that there is something fishy with the ex’s explanation. Isn’t marriage about going through the ups and downs of life together? So instead he completely crushed and humiliated her to spare her dealing with his ups and downs of life? Not buying it.

  11. yoyotono

    February 25, 2017 at 10:11 PM

    I listened to about 20 minutes of the podcast. I don’t doubt stuff is producer driven and edited in a certain way like JJ (you, and many other contestants say). JJ comes across as manic and full of self importance (almost bipolar in that sense), in that interview and his time on BIP. JJ is very likable, even with that weird bromance edit.

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