-It’s another group date with 10 men playing basketball: Lee, DeMario, Will, Josiah, Eric, Matt, Adam, Jamey, Diggy, and Alex. To say that was some bad basketball being played would be an insult to all things Brooklyn Nets related. Yes, it was that bad. I don’t want to say the amount of athleticism Lee showed was equivalent to that baby giraffe that April birthed last month – but I will. Had Lee ever seen a basketball game before? Why was he running and falling and tripping over? Get a hold of yourself man. Geesh. He looked like a total spaz out there. Kinda reminded me of when Danny Zuko tried out for the basketball team at Rydell High School. Maybe he should’ve tried out for the baseball team. Or wrestling. Or better yet, track. Then he could’ve tried to woo Sandy by showing off on the hurdles while she was dating that jock strap, Lorenzo Lamas. I mean when you think about it, Lee and Zuko kinda have that same wave in their hair going. Except Zuko follows the teachings of Xenu and is a total weirdo. Jury is still out on Lee.
-Kareem Abdul Jabbar is the special guest to help the guys play basketball because I’m sure this is something he totally wants to be doing. He wrote a piece during Nick’s piece bashing the franchise, they asked him to come on, he does, and now his tune has changed? Maybe because they let him be part of a basketball date. How about we send you back in time Kareem and put you on the “Bachelor Pad” episode where the guys got to chuck eggs at the women based on answering questions about their physical appearance. Then we’ll see if you think this show isn’t incredibly sexist and demeaning. I mean, who can forget this:
I mean, just watching that again makes you cringe. I can’t believe they did that as a competition. Well, yes I can. But it still doesn’t change how utterly insulting that whole challenge was. Yikes.
-After these guys are done showing off their horrendous basketball skills to Kareem, they are split up into two teams and told they were gonna play a game later on that day in front of a packed house of Bachelor Nation crazies being told when to cheer and when to clap. The teams are:
White: Lee, Will, Eric, Adam, Alex
Purple: DeMario, Josiah, Matt, Jamey, Diggy
The first half showed nothing but a bunch of bricks…and Eric dancing before he starts dribbling, yet, somehow the score was 17-14 at half with the white team leading. It must’ve been all Eric’s doing, because everyone else on that team looks like they sucked. The second half of that game was the DeMario show. The guy was everywhere. Scoring, blocking shots, dunking, basically doing everything to dominate the game, then all the sudden the final score appears and it’s 30-26 final in favor of the white team. Huh? Don’t you actually have to score to win at basketball? No idea how to explain that one, but again, we’ve seen numerous group sporting dates in the past where the final outcome didn’t come close to matching up with what was actually shown on screen. In case you missed the game or weren’t paying attention last night, LaMelo Ball recreated it during an AAU game this weekend:
When your 2k MyPlayer is a 55 but shooters shoot pic.twitter.com/Y0naJdDxJM
— #Mickstape (@MickstapeShow) May 28, 2017
I could watch that 1,000 times and not get bored.
-After the game is where the real drama happened. Some real classy woman named Lexie arrived at the game, asked politely if she could speak with Rachel, calmly sat her down and explained an intense friendship that she had with DeMario and wanted to speak with him in private with no cameras around. Ok, I’m kidding. Whatever I just said, the opposite happened. Lexie came in all guns blazing with an agenda to out DeMario as a cheating dog and someone he was sleeping with right before the show. Here’s the issue with the whole premise: DeMario is really no different than most of the guys on this show. They ALL have someone back home they’re seeing right before leaving for filming. Some even having sex with the night before they leave. They just chose to make DeMario’s a storyline for the episode. Trust me, they could do it with other guys this season and plenty of guys from past seasons.
-With that said, obviously DeMario was lying through his teeth about knowing who this girl was when he first saw her. He went from “Who’s this” to “Oh, we were on and off for 7 months.” So yeah, he obviously had a relationship with her some time in his past. Even one that included sexual intercourse according to him. Thanks for that DeMario. We could’ve probably guessed. But from everything I’ve been hearing, this was completely played up for TV, yeah she’s an ex, but the gross exaggeration of when everything happened with this girl was a bit much. It’s an old tired storyline we hear about “exes” every season. The bottom line is that most of them do have exes back home, or even significant others, so that shouldn’t shock anyone. They obviously are too put off by what DeMario did since I’m hearing he’s gonna be on Paradise. It’s all for drama and entertainment purposes. She was one line away from dropping a “Cash me ousside how bout dat” line on him. Lexie, I hope you enjoyed your 15 minutes. Not saying I don’t believe her because they definitely had a past. I just don’t necessarily believe it’s exactly how they portrayed it to be. And they could’ve done this with others if they wanted. They just chose DeMario for some reason.
-Anyway, Rachel isn’t happy and tells the other guys what just went down before heading to the cocktail party. This is where all the guys tried to throw on as much charm as they possibly could but I felt like they were overdoing it. Will read a poem. Or scripture. Or something he wrote. I have no idea what it was. Alex sang her a song in Russian. Because I tell ya’, a scorned woman is always up for a little Russian love song about her eyes by a dude in a man bun. Especially when he completes that song by getting a high five. Josiah actually used his time wisely and got a little make out session with her. She’s into him and Eric from this date the most, but she gives the rose to Josiah. All is happy in prosecutor land.
-Back at the cocktail party, the only guy they show Rachel getting some significant alone time with is Bryan because, well, Bryan. And they make out again. Apparently he’s learned since week 1 that women don’t need their face sucked off while kissing. He’s toned it down a bit. Good for him. Granted, they showed Adam and his doll house which is borderline creepy now. And Iggy had a thumb war with her. But make no mistake, Bryan is who they made sure the audience got to see before DeMario showed up at the mansion wanting to talk to Rachel. Dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnn!!!!!!! To be continued. Get used to it. My guess is all season we’ll be having those at the end of episodes. So the second rose ceremony won’t be shown until the beginning of episode 3, the third rose ceremony at the beginning of episode 4, and so on and so forth.
-In case you missed my tweets before the show started last night, here are your next two weeks of eliminations:
(SPOILERS): Since no column before tonight's show: DeMario, Jamey, Blake E. and Whaboom eliminated in tonight's episode.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) May 29, 2017
(SPOILERS): Next week, Fred eliminated at the Ellen group date after party. Bryce, Brady, and Diggy eliminated at the rose ceremony.
— RealitySteve (@RealitySteve) May 29, 2017
Obviously that was before I realized the “To Be Continued” would be happening again. So instead of “episode” I should just refer to the eliminations that happen during “rose ceremony #2,” “rose ceremony #3,” etc. But at the beginning of next episode, you’ll see her send DeMario packing, then Jamey, Blake, and Whaboom get eliminated – and Blake and Whaboom keep arguing as they’re getting sent out of the mansion. You saw that a little bit in the previews.
As for next week’s dates, you have the Ellen group date up first with Alex, Jonathan, Bryan, Will, Peter, and Fred. Fred gets sent home during the group date after party because Rachel can’t get past the fact he’s a third grader. The 1-on-1 goes to Anthony Battle as they ride through the streets of LA on horses. And then you have the mud wrestling date with 8 guys that Corinne, Alexis, Jasmine, and Raven showed up for. Bryce ends up winning in the finals against Kenny, yet Bryce doesn’t get a rose later on and is sent home at the rose ceremony as you know. So the two guys who won the actual group date challenges (Lucas and Bryce) both end up getting sent home during the rose ceremony in that same episode.
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