-We have a doggy group date where the 7 women will train dogs to perform in a show. The 7 on this date are One of the Four Realtors, Becca with the Good Hair, Brittany Spelled Correctly, Eyebrows, Single Mom, Bumper, and Sweeeeeet Caroline Bum Bum Buuuuuum. Last week we got to hear all about Bumper’s tragic story from her youth that’s been talked about all week. Now brace yourselves for another traumatic experience. Bumper tells us when she was younger, her grandmother had an old dog named Sunshine that bit her and she almost lost her eye. Sounds a little more life altering than being bumped at 3 mph at a carnival, so I will give her that. However, you’d think Annaliese would know how this show works and not give them stories like that to completely humiliate her with on national television. Then again, has anyone ever gotten a re-enactment about as past experience shown before, let alone two? Bumper is your clubhouse leader at this point. She has two, and every other contestant ever has zero.
-What’s funny about this date is I remember back to the day of filming where a few pictures got out that I was tweeting out that day and we saw that it was a dog show over at the Grove in LA, yet, when they replayed it last night, yet again, we get a group date that we literally see about 3 minutes of. What’s everyone talking about today? The fact that none of the girls’ dogs even performed and the whole thing was a complete bust? No, they’re talking about Bumper and her growing list of fears. Just funny to see how they plan these dates, yet show very little of the actual date and everything else revolves more around the storylines and the drama afterwards at the cocktail party. I couldn’t tell you one thing about the actual date since it wasn’t important. Oh wait, yeah I can. While other girls that Arie actually had an interest in got cute costumes and got to actually at least try tricks with their dogs, Bumper was relegated to being the pooper scooper girl. Geez. Someone drew the wrong end of the stick this season as the producer’s punching bag.
-We’re already at the after party and Chelsea gets him first because of course. She’s Chelsea and that’s what she does. I think she made sure she told him she was there for him, no one else, and that if he picked her in the end, she’d totally take her son away from her father, move him to the other side of the United States, burn her Edelman jersey, and would be ready to start a life with Arie. Oh wait, no she didn’t, because it’s not something she’d want to do, or even could do, in a million years hence the reason she had zero chance of ever winning this show. I guess thinking logically sometimes gets lost on the producers and their storylines. Good effort though.
-Bum Bum Bum finally gets her time with Arie and I gotta say, I believe this is the first time in three episodes we have even see her speak. Or give an ITM. Or do anything for that matter. She reminds him and the rest of the audience that last time he was in love was 5 years ago with Emily and why that was the case. His response? “I dated people I knew weren’t ready for marriage. It was a defense mechanism.” So was his goal just to continue to dig the knife into Sydney and all the others at least once an episode this season? I don’t get it. Last week he took a shot at girls he’s dated as well that I covered. I mean, it seems like a pretty safe answer to give as to why you haven’t been in love in 5 years, even though anyone with half a brain can actually tell you the real reason. I’m glad he’s considerate enough to date someone for a full year knowing the whole time she was someone he thought wasn’t ready for marriage. Stand up guy.
-At this point, Arie has made out with every girl on this date. He did it during Chelsea’s time, Caroline, even Eyebrows got some play, but Bumper is just dying knowing all these girls are gettin’ some and she’s over here havin’ all the feels of little Rover trying to gauge her eye out. She makes it clear that that’s what she’s looking forward to most during their alone time, which of course gets interrupted by Edelman coming in banging on her drum that she’s a single mom which makes her so much more important than everyone else. Bumper is devastated and there’s a good chance now we can add “Going on a popular dating show” to her list of traumatic life experiences.
-Raven 2.0 and Becky with the Good Hair both get some alone time with him and we learn something from each of them. We learn that Raven’s BFF will totally be on Paradise this summer (if she’s not the “Bachelorette”) and wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if she gets engaged. Ok, maybe we didn’t learn that on her time with Arie, but that’s just my prediction. I can totally see that happening. Becky with the Good Hair and Arie reiterate how much they’ve missed each other and they have a make out session, making her the sixth tongue he’s accepted in a span of like, oh I don’t know, an hour or so. So I’m sure that made her feel preeeeetttty special. Nothing like a Edelman/Bum Bum Bum/Eyebrows/One of Four Realtors/Brittany saliva concoction to end the night. Oh yeah, he gave the rose to Edelman since that’s what would cause the most drama.
