-We have no Chris Harrison to start the show. I repeat, no Chris Harrison. He must’ve been golfing at Riviera. Or missed his flight. Because he couldn’t do the one thing he’s paid to do in each new city, and that’s greet everyone, explain the dates, drop a date card, and peace the f**k out. Nope. Nowhere to be found. Arie came in and decided to greet the girls and tell them their first date started today, and that date was with Chelsea. I mean, he didn’t even give her a date card. He just asked, she said yes, and they left. And oh yeah, Maquel walked in after Arie and Chelsea left as she’s back from her grandfather’s funeral. Man, this show can be really cruel at times. They knew Maquel was going home in Ft. Lauderdale. What was seriously the point to have her fly back for one episode, be on a group date where she’s background noise, only to send her right back home. If she was a main character and had been a talking point this season? Sure. She’s been a mute. Oh well. Maquel was strictly there to be on TV and promote her business anyway, so I’m sure she was thrilled they gave her an extra week of nothing.
-Chelsea and Arie board a yacht and Chelsea gives the line of the night. And by “line of the night” I mean “one of the more puke inducing, producer driven lines we’ve ever heard. “I’m on a dreamboat, but also WITH a dreamboat.” I know Chelsea is older and all. Maybe more mature than everyone else. More life experiences and has been through a lot at 29 years of age, but, is there a reason she talks like a 1955 Lorraine Baines who’s attracted to her son, Marty McFly?
Just sayin’.
-On their time alone, Arie and Chelsea talk about her previous relationship as, whaddya’ know, she reveals to him everything I told you earlier this month about her son’s father: He left her very early into Sammy’s life, left her for another woman, he’s now married to that woman, and they had their first kid about a month before Chelsea left to film the show. And oh yeah, that woman had a kid from a previous marriage. It’s all kinda wacky. And then recently, the tabloids dug up some dirt on her ex as she filed a temporary protective order against him in 2016, which was later dismissed. Well that’s never good news. She’s clear in her complaint what happened, so who knows why it was dismissed. But doesn’t sound like a good relationship all around. Probably better off hitting up Edelman than her ex. Maybe he could score her some Super Bowl tickets?
-I want to commend Arie for one thing in particular on the night portion of this date with Chelsea. He really seemed to dress to the nine’s and made he was absolutely out to impress with his outfit of jeans, long sleeve shirt, and tennis shoes. Oh wait. That’s what he’s worn on every date so far this season. Is it asking much for a stylist to get involved here? I mean we know the make-up person is working overtime caking his face with awful coloring in every episode, but where is Cary Fetman, the stylist? He can’t do better than this? Seriously, Cary must’ve said, “Yeah, I’ll catch you guys in Paris. Have him dress himself for the first 5 episodes,” because that’s certainly what it’s looking like.
-We have another private concert for these two, and guys, you’re never gonna believe this, but they got her. They. Got. Her. You’ve been asking all these seasons for a boffo, A-list musical act? Well, hold your horses, because for Arie and Chelsea, this show was able to secure the most world renown musical act that any show would give their right arm to have come on and perform. Tenille Arts is IN. DA. HOUSE!!!!! My first thought was, “It must’ve been on and off day from her weekly tour, right?” And then my second thought was, “So Tennille split off from ‘Captain and Tennille’? Why wasn’t I notified about this?” First you have LANCO, and now Tenille Arts? Who’s next, Luke Pell? Chelsea got a rose.
adelina
January 30, 2018 at 11:24 AM
Steve, what you forgot to mention is the ludicrous and completely gross scene of Arie licking the bowling ball!!! It was so odd and disturbing. Clearly producer encouraged, but who agrees to do that? Oh I know….a closeted dude who actually likes to lick balls.
missrubikscube
January 30, 2018 at 11:36 AM
I think a lot of people were grossed out by the bowling ball licking! It’s actually a reference to a scene from The Big Lebowski (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cYQ-1O5cmE) – but i’m not sure how many people caught that!
rob22
January 30, 2018 at 12:13 PM
I know this show is built on drama and it would be even more boring trying to weed through 20 girls without something else going on. But the scenes with Krystal are painful to watch. She’s obviously extremely self absorbed, and by that I mean more self absorbed than the average self absorbed contestant. But it just amazes me how these women can completely implode on national TV. I’m trying to feel sorry for her, but not succeeding. I think everyone can partially relate to being disappointed that Arie chose to invite everyone to the cocktail party. But the gig is that Arie and the Producers can do whatever they want. If they can make girls drink donkey semen and fake pee, they can also change who comes to the cocktail party. Honestly, I’d be more upset about the former than the latter. I think most people would. Did Krystal not get the memo?
Bekah creates a lot of dissonance. She’s 22, so she’s very young. But her conversations are less superficial than expected. She actually seems to be pretty intelligent and able to keep up a good adult conversation without having to stop and explain things to her. I know that’s a low bar, but for the show, that passes for maturity. But she’s a Nanny. Is she in college, or something and doing Nanny duties on the side to pay her tuition… and they just threw up Nanny by her name for giggles? Because once you’re adult aged, if you’re a Nanny, you’ve pretty much failed at getting a decent job. It’s pretty close to a minimum wage job. As in, college wasn’t my thing, so I decided to be a Nanny while I figured out what I was going to do. Or, after working on a cruise ship for a few years I decided that the travel was too crazy, so now I’m a Nanny. The whole thing doesn’t totally add up for me. Obviously she’s too young for Arie the gray haired f-boy, but she’s more intelligent & more mature than 90% of the other girls. In fact, she’s possibly more intelligent and mature than any of the other girls. I know. Low bar. What am I missing here with Bekah?
j1scarlett
January 30, 2018 at 2:21 PM
@rob22 Nanny jobs, at least around where I live in the NJ/NY area, pay way more than minimum wage. I made $20 an hour as a Nanny last year. It paid better than my current job as a paralegal. I’ve had plenty of “decent” jobs, but I was happier and better paid as a nanny. Oh, and I have an MBA, which has been fairly useless.
shenanigans
January 30, 2018 at 4:29 PM
According to her bio, Bekah is an art major at UC Irvine.
Here’s the link: http://articlebio.com/bekah-martinez
mariet
January 30, 2018 at 5:00 PM
“Because once you’re adult aged, if you’re a Nanny, you’ve pretty much failed at getting a decent job. It’s pretty close to a minimum wage job. As in, college wasn’t my thing, so I decided to be a Nanny while I figured out what I was going to do.” WTH? Do some research, Rob.
atlfan
January 30, 2018 at 5:25 PM
Fun recap, Steve! You didn’t mention Arie’s conversation with the cute little old lady bowlers at the very end. I loved that! It was actually charming (not my go-to adjective for this show).
ladyjane747
January 30, 2018 at 6:49 PM
Wow, that conversation with Lauren was total foreshadowing! Love watching this show knowing what I know. Bekah M. bugs me for some reason and Krystal is just out there. I do feel kind of sorry for her.
upmyalley
January 30, 2018 at 8:00 PM
I can’t feel sorry for Krystal. Everything she says about the other women is exactly what she is herself. She’s very insecure, jealous, immature and fake fake fake. I wish I could see her face as she’s watching herself come across as a psycho and a narcissist. I bet she is cringing and wanting to slit her own throat. Another 5th degree clincher bites the dust.
tinyred500
January 31, 2018 at 12:33 AM
@rob22 There are nannies and there are nannies, but any half decent one has some qualifications. However, Norland Nannies are the crème de la crème in the nanny world. Their salaries start at £25k and they can earn anything up to £225k (or $35.5k – $335k) per year depending on their experience etc. Nothing to be sniffed at there.
I have to say though Arie licking that bowling ball was just gross. I know it was based on a scene from the film The Big Lebowski, but even so…just nasty to watch! Put me off my tea! 🙁
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 8:02 AM
So, happy others have already address the ignorant comments about being a Nanny. Most of the Nannies I have known have at least Bachelor degrees if not Masters. It is a very high paying, important career. I think Rob is confusing being a teenage babysitter with being a Nanny, which is like confusing a teenager who cuts grass and a professional landscaper. Two very different things. However, I do agree with Rob that Bekah seems to be the most emotionally intelligent and very mature for her age. She could just be getting the better edit to though.
As for the show, it was one of the most interesting to date. Krystal is a manipulative, narcissistic, emotionally high-maintenance insecure, beeotch. This time her attempt at manipulating Arie failed and she knew it too. That is why she tried to salvage the situation by showing up at the cocktail party, which backfired too. He should have sent her home, but I’m sure production told him she had to stay for drama value.
I think Tia would make a good next bachelorette. She would bring some spice and honesty, plus she is well educated and intelligent unlike some past bachelorettes. Bekah would work too from the interesting and intelligent stand point, but is just too young to take her wanting to marry seriously.
rob22
January 31, 2018 at 8:11 AM
Sorry if I booted the Nanny pay. But it wasn’t just a shot in the dark. I’ve worked with a few Nannies, all immigrants, on their finances and they were getting around $10/hour, or less. It’s good to know that some can make better money. I always felt like these women were being paid pretty poorly. And, perhaps as immigrants… I don’t know if they had legal status… they had to live with that kind of pay. Regardless, for Bekah, since she’s at UCI, that answered my question. Yes, she’s doing it on the side & the show decided to put that up on the screen instead of “Art Student”. I wonder about their motives for that.
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 8:14 AM
Forgot to say that I was happy that Arie was tough on Krystal and burst her little manipulating bubble with the “…it may be our last fight too…” comment. The look on her face was priceless. She knew then she had overplayed her hand.
And, to address earlier comments about Arie being in the closet. I know as friends/family and work with a lot of gay people. I don’t get the gay vibe at all with Arie. Heck, no self respecting gay man would wear jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes to a nice dinner or on a nice date. That right there is an American straight man fashion faux pas all the way.
Also, I don’t get RS making a big deal out of Giustina. They obviously have been friends with benefits for years. So what? I have had FWB and though now married are still friends (though without the benefits) with them still. Don’t understand the significance of that relationship to he being the bachelor. He was single and had a FWB, okay…
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 10:08 AM
Rob, if they have a motive at all for listing her actual profession as Nanny vs. student, it may be to make her look more responsible and older.
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 10:12 AM
Also Rob, it wasn’t that you “…booted the Nanny pay…” It was that you dissed the entire profession by saying Nanny’s failed at getting a decent job. Being a Nanny is a decent career/job, no matter the pay. Most Nanny’s I know make more than the Social Workers I know. Both do really worthwhile, important work. Pay doesn’t always dictate the value of a profession.
tjudd
January 31, 2018 at 11:52 AM
I am going to disagree with you on the nanny thing! I had a college degree, taught for 5 years, lost my job due to the economy & became a full-time nanny ( for over 10 years). Let’s just say it wasn’t minimum wage! I was making as much, if not more than, when I was teaching. I only worked M-F, 40 hrs. Don’t knock someone’s job if you’ve not done it. Also, not a fan of Bekah at.all. She grates my nerves & needs to grow that 12 year old boy haircut out! Lol
tjudd
January 31, 2018 at 11:55 AM
Exactly! I live in South FL & was a nanny for several years afer graduating college & working a “decent” job. Made more then than I do now at a “decent” job! Lol.
wpeate
January 31, 2018 at 1:59 PM
Hi Steve, did you see that Courtney Robertson and Arie’s Instagram stories show the same scene with charcuterie?
debb0
January 31, 2018 at 8:03 PM
Have to chime in on “The Nanny” thing as well…my son’s girlfriend has a 4 year college degree in communications, but unable to find a job in that area. So with student loans & bills to pay, she babysits, waitresses, & is a salesperson. Can’t always judge & assume.
beapancake
February 2, 2018 at 5:05 AM
Thank you for linking. Mind boggling people don’t know about this film!
beapancake
February 2, 2018 at 5:08 AM
Nannies I know make at least $15 an hour
katieottawa
February 4, 2018 at 4:20 AM
seriously not one person commented grease 2?? its grease 2 people!! WAY more entertaining than discussing this farce.
steve had the exact same thought as me. as they were on the bowling date right away i thought of grease 2 especially with that 50’s looking girl on the date. i thought they missed the boat when no one named their team pink ladies.
one of the best recaps in a long time because you referenced grease 2 and had the videos of the songs uploaded. as for the show and these brainless bimbos fighting over a dbag i couldnt care less. ill take michelle pfeiffer and maxwell caulfield anyday
i relate to steve. I am a grease buff. love both grease equally. i used to have grease parties where i played both movies and soundtracks and we would reenact all the scenes and dances. yes i proudly admit to being a nerd in my teens.
and the scene when handsome maxwell caulfield removes his helmet with his hair disheveled. oh. my. god.
arie is no maxwell caulfield when he removes his racecar helmet i can guarantee you that ladies.
shanna429
February 6, 2018 at 6:21 PM
Well I doubt she is going to college because at one point she ran off to work at a marijuana farm. Although I’m not 100% if that’s true.
shanna429
February 6, 2018 at 6:24 PM
I doubt it. She won’t see herself that way because she’s clueless and self absorbed.