-We have no Chris Harrison to start the show. I repeat, no Chris Harrison. He must’ve been golfing at Riviera. Or missed his flight. Because he couldn’t do the one thing he’s paid to do in each new city, and that’s greet everyone, explain the dates, drop a date card, and peace the f**k out. Nope. Nowhere to be found. Arie came in and decided to greet the girls and tell them their first date started today, and that date was with Chelsea. I mean, he didn’t even give her a date card. He just asked, she said yes, and they left. And oh yeah, Maquel walked in after Arie and Chelsea left as she’s back from her grandfather’s funeral. Man, this show can be really cruel at times. They knew Maquel was going home in Ft. Lauderdale. What was seriously the point to have her fly back for one episode, be on a group date where she’s background noise, only to send her right back home. If she was a main character and had been a talking point this season? Sure. She’s been a mute. Oh well. Maquel was strictly there to be on TV and promote her business anyway, so I’m sure she was thrilled they gave her an extra week of nothing.
-Chelsea and Arie board a yacht and Chelsea gives the line of the night. And by “line of the night” I mean “one of the more puke inducing, producer driven lines we’ve ever heard. “I’m on a dreamboat, but also WITH a dreamboat.” I know Chelsea is older and all. Maybe more mature than everyone else. More life experiences and has been through a lot at 29 years of age, but, is there a reason she talks like a 1955 Lorraine Baines who’s attracted to her son, Marty McFly?
-On their time alone, Arie and Chelsea talk about her previous relationship as, whaddya’ know, she reveals to him everything I told you earlier this month about her son’s father: He left her very early into Sammy’s life, left her for another woman, he’s now married to that woman, and they had their first kid about a month before Chelsea left to film the show. And oh yeah, that woman had a kid from a previous marriage. It’s all kinda wacky. And then recently, the tabloids dug up some dirt on her ex as she filed a temporary protective order against him in 2016, which was later dismissed. Well that’s never good news. She’s clear in her complaint what happened, so who knows why it was dismissed. But doesn’t sound like a good relationship all around. Probably better off hitting up Edelman than her ex. Maybe he could score her some Super Bowl tickets?
-I want to commend Arie for one thing in particular on the night portion of this date with Chelsea. He really seemed to dress to the nine’s and made he was absolutely out to impress with his outfit of jeans, long sleeve shirt, and tennis shoes. Oh wait. That’s what he’s worn on every date so far this season. Is it asking much for a stylist to get involved here? I mean we know the make-up person is working overtime caking his face with awful coloring in every episode, but where is Cary Fetman, the stylist? He can’t do better than this? Seriously, Cary must’ve said, “Yeah, I’ll catch you guys in Paris. Have him dress himself for the first 5 episodes,” because that’s certainly what it’s looking like.
-We have another private concert for these two, and guys, you’re never gonna believe this, but they got her. They. Got. Her. You’ve been asking all these seasons for a boffo, A-list musical act? Well, hold your horses, because for Arie and Chelsea, this show was able to secure the most world renown musical act that any show would give their right arm to have come on and perform. Tenille Arts is IN. DA. HOUSE!!!!! My first thought was, “It must’ve been on and off day from her weekly tour, right?” And then my second thought was, “So Tennille split off from ‘Captain and Tennille’? Why wasn’t I notified about this?” First you have LANCO, and now Tenille Arts? Who’s next, Luke Pell? Chelsea got a rose.