-Tia’s date is in the Everglades where they glide through the water at warp speed, encountering an alligator at one point, while the show plays “Jaws” music. Ummmm, Jaws was a shark. I don’t think it quite has the same effect. Although I’m sure an alligator wouldn’t mind eating either of those two breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He’s probably sick of the show exploiting him at this point anyway. Hey, did Mr. Alligator Man sign a release form to be on TV? How do we know he agreed to this? Maybe he’d rather not be shown all naked on TV the way he was last night? Ever think of that? These producers can be so cruel. If exposing the alligator in his natural habitat wasn’t bad enough, where Arie and Tia pulled up to felt like something out of a Scooby Doo cartoon.
-You know how when Scooby Doo would travel to these remote places and always encounter some weird sh** going on? Well, when Arie & Tia docked next to this house in the middle of a swamp and out came this Darryl character, I was sure one of them was going to be served for dinner that night. Darryl doesn’t quite look like the demographic this show is going for. In fact, I’m willing to bet Darryl doesn’t own a TV and hasn’t since about, oh I don’t know, 1971. I was shocked at the end of Arie & Tia’s stay, Darryl didn’t refer to them as those “meddling kids” and pull off a mask to reveal he was actually, Mr. Stewart, the local chef. I don’t know where they found Darryl, where he came from, or where he’s going after his nationally televised TV appearance, but I’d be willing to guess he’s off to skin some animal, wear it for warmth, then eat it for dinner. Or I could be pre-judging Darryl. Whatever. He’s not reading this. Don’t think I’m going out on a limb in saying that Darryl and his summer teeth aren’t a charter member of Bachelor Nation.
-What’d Arie and Tia talk about? Oh yeah, the fact she went to college for 7 years, got a doctorate degree and is a physical therapist. That’s nice. Good for her. She also doesn’t see herself in Arkansas her whole life. Which is interesting because now that she’s not with Arie, you wonder if she was just saying that in the moment since you kinda have to say that. It’s one of my biggest issues of the show. I basically have a hard believing anything that anyone says on the show anymore. They know they’re on television. They know they’re being filmed and it’ll eventually be shown to millions of people. And they know the object is to last on the show as long as they can, so yeah, how in the world am I supposed to believe anything these people say. Hell, this was Tia’s first 1-on-1 date, 5 weeks into the season, and the whole dinner portion of her date was her getting all worked up about whether or not she was going to tell him she was in love with him. You know how I feel about that on this show. It’s pretty ridiculous. I don’t care if they haven’t shown us Tia and Arie’s connection from the beginning – she’s not in love with him no matter how much she tries to convince herself she is. But she let a producer talk her into saying that, so, I’m going to judge her for it.
-Tia also informs us that her relationship past has been with guys that she can fix and who’ve had a hard life. Uh oh. She’s one of those girls. My suggestion to Tia would be this. Wait for the next season of the “Bachelorette” to air, scope out all the guys on that season, start DM’ing them early so you have a head start going in to Paradise, find your man there, and you and Raven can have a double wedding televised by ABC. It can be in Arkansas, with hay bales, maybe a silo in the background, you and Raven can wear matching boots under your wedding dresses, and at the reception everyone gets sh**faced off moonshine while a band plays in the background blowing on their jugs. Hell, why don’t I just plan your wedding for you? This is genius.
-So we finally got to the big moment with these two and after enough producer prodding coming up with the guts to finally say it, Tia lays it all out there for Arie:
Tia: “It’s scary as hell to say I’m falling in love with you.”
Arie: “You have to look at me when you say that.”
Tia: “I’m falling in love with you.”
Arie: “You are?”
Translation: Uh oh. Producers got one of the girls that I’m not in love with to tell me that she’s in love with me. Uhhhh, what do I do now? Do I act surprised? Do I act sincere? Do I act like I’m clueless since I haven’t said that to anyone in 5 years and the last girl I said it to was on a TV show that I spent maybe a combined total of 72 hours with? Someone please help me. So yeah, Tia got the rose but it sure was awkward after she said that.
adelina
January 30, 2018 at 11:24 AM
Steve, what you forgot to mention is the ludicrous and completely gross scene of Arie licking the bowling ball!!! It was so odd and disturbing. Clearly producer encouraged, but who agrees to do that? Oh I know….a closeted dude who actually likes to lick balls.
missrubikscube
January 30, 2018 at 11:36 AM
I think a lot of people were grossed out by the bowling ball licking! It’s actually a reference to a scene from The Big Lebowski (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cYQ-1O5cmE) – but i’m not sure how many people caught that!
rob22
January 30, 2018 at 12:13 PM
I know this show is built on drama and it would be even more boring trying to weed through 20 girls without something else going on. But the scenes with Krystal are painful to watch. She’s obviously extremely self absorbed, and by that I mean more self absorbed than the average self absorbed contestant. But it just amazes me how these women can completely implode on national TV. I’m trying to feel sorry for her, but not succeeding. I think everyone can partially relate to being disappointed that Arie chose to invite everyone to the cocktail party. But the gig is that Arie and the Producers can do whatever they want. If they can make girls drink donkey semen and fake pee, they can also change who comes to the cocktail party. Honestly, I’d be more upset about the former than the latter. I think most people would. Did Krystal not get the memo?
Bekah creates a lot of dissonance. She’s 22, so she’s very young. But her conversations are less superficial than expected. She actually seems to be pretty intelligent and able to keep up a good adult conversation without having to stop and explain things to her. I know that’s a low bar, but for the show, that passes for maturity. But she’s a Nanny. Is she in college, or something and doing Nanny duties on the side to pay her tuition… and they just threw up Nanny by her name for giggles? Because once you’re adult aged, if you’re a Nanny, you’ve pretty much failed at getting a decent job. It’s pretty close to a minimum wage job. As in, college wasn’t my thing, so I decided to be a Nanny while I figured out what I was going to do. Or, after working on a cruise ship for a few years I decided that the travel was too crazy, so now I’m a Nanny. The whole thing doesn’t totally add up for me. Obviously she’s too young for Arie the gray haired f-boy, but she’s more intelligent & more mature than 90% of the other girls. In fact, she’s possibly more intelligent and mature than any of the other girls. I know. Low bar. What am I missing here with Bekah?
j1scarlett
January 30, 2018 at 2:21 PM
@rob22 Nanny jobs, at least around where I live in the NJ/NY area, pay way more than minimum wage. I made $20 an hour as a Nanny last year. It paid better than my current job as a paralegal. I’ve had plenty of “decent” jobs, but I was happier and better paid as a nanny. Oh, and I have an MBA, which has been fairly useless.
shenanigans
January 30, 2018 at 4:29 PM
According to her bio, Bekah is an art major at UC Irvine.
Here’s the link: http://articlebio.com/bekah-martinez
mariet
January 30, 2018 at 5:00 PM
“Because once you’re adult aged, if you’re a Nanny, you’ve pretty much failed at getting a decent job. It’s pretty close to a minimum wage job. As in, college wasn’t my thing, so I decided to be a Nanny while I figured out what I was going to do.” WTH? Do some research, Rob.
atlfan
January 30, 2018 at 5:25 PM
Fun recap, Steve! You didn’t mention Arie’s conversation with the cute little old lady bowlers at the very end. I loved that! It was actually charming (not my go-to adjective for this show).
ladyjane747
January 30, 2018 at 6:49 PM
Wow, that conversation with Lauren was total foreshadowing! Love watching this show knowing what I know. Bekah M. bugs me for some reason and Krystal is just out there. I do feel kind of sorry for her.
upmyalley
January 30, 2018 at 8:00 PM
I can’t feel sorry for Krystal. Everything she says about the other women is exactly what she is herself. She’s very insecure, jealous, immature and fake fake fake. I wish I could see her face as she’s watching herself come across as a psycho and a narcissist. I bet she is cringing and wanting to slit her own throat. Another 5th degree clincher bites the dust.
tinyred500
January 31, 2018 at 12:33 AM
@rob22 There are nannies and there are nannies, but any half decent one has some qualifications. However, Norland Nannies are the crème de la crème in the nanny world. Their salaries start at £25k and they can earn anything up to £225k (or $35.5k – $335k) per year depending on their experience etc. Nothing to be sniffed at there.
I have to say though Arie licking that bowling ball was just gross. I know it was based on a scene from the film The Big Lebowski, but even so…just nasty to watch! Put me off my tea! 🙁
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 8:02 AM
So, happy others have already address the ignorant comments about being a Nanny. Most of the Nannies I have known have at least Bachelor degrees if not Masters. It is a very high paying, important career. I think Rob is confusing being a teenage babysitter with being a Nanny, which is like confusing a teenager who cuts grass and a professional landscaper. Two very different things. However, I do agree with Rob that Bekah seems to be the most emotionally intelligent and very mature for her age. She could just be getting the better edit to though.
As for the show, it was one of the most interesting to date. Krystal is a manipulative, narcissistic, emotionally high-maintenance insecure, beeotch. This time her attempt at manipulating Arie failed and she knew it too. That is why she tried to salvage the situation by showing up at the cocktail party, which backfired too. He should have sent her home, but I’m sure production told him she had to stay for drama value.
I think Tia would make a good next bachelorette. She would bring some spice and honesty, plus she is well educated and intelligent unlike some past bachelorettes. Bekah would work too from the interesting and intelligent stand point, but is just too young to take her wanting to marry seriously.
rob22
January 31, 2018 at 8:11 AM
Sorry if I booted the Nanny pay. But it wasn’t just a shot in the dark. I’ve worked with a few Nannies, all immigrants, on their finances and they were getting around $10/hour, or less. It’s good to know that some can make better money. I always felt like these women were being paid pretty poorly. And, perhaps as immigrants… I don’t know if they had legal status… they had to live with that kind of pay. Regardless, for Bekah, since she’s at UCI, that answered my question. Yes, she’s doing it on the side & the show decided to put that up on the screen instead of “Art Student”. I wonder about their motives for that.
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 8:14 AM
Forgot to say that I was happy that Arie was tough on Krystal and burst her little manipulating bubble with the “…it may be our last fight too…” comment. The look on her face was priceless. She knew then she had overplayed her hand.
And, to address earlier comments about Arie being in the closet. I know as friends/family and work with a lot of gay people. I don’t get the gay vibe at all with Arie. Heck, no self respecting gay man would wear jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes to a nice dinner or on a nice date. That right there is an American straight man fashion faux pas all the way.
Also, I don’t get RS making a big deal out of Giustina. They obviously have been friends with benefits for years. So what? I have had FWB and though now married are still friends (though without the benefits) with them still. Don’t understand the significance of that relationship to he being the bachelor. He was single and had a FWB, okay…
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 10:08 AM
Rob, if they have a motive at all for listing her actual profession as Nanny vs. student, it may be to make her look more responsible and older.
jlal
January 31, 2018 at 10:12 AM
Also Rob, it wasn’t that you “…booted the Nanny pay…” It was that you dissed the entire profession by saying Nanny’s failed at getting a decent job. Being a Nanny is a decent career/job, no matter the pay. Most Nanny’s I know make more than the Social Workers I know. Both do really worthwhile, important work. Pay doesn’t always dictate the value of a profession.
tjudd
January 31, 2018 at 11:52 AM
I am going to disagree with you on the nanny thing! I had a college degree, taught for 5 years, lost my job due to the economy & became a full-time nanny ( for over 10 years). Let’s just say it wasn’t minimum wage! I was making as much, if not more than, when I was teaching. I only worked M-F, 40 hrs. Don’t knock someone’s job if you’ve not done it. Also, not a fan of Bekah at.all. She grates my nerves & needs to grow that 12 year old boy haircut out! Lol
tjudd
January 31, 2018 at 11:55 AM
Exactly! I live in South FL & was a nanny for several years afer graduating college & working a “decent” job. Made more then than I do now at a “decent” job! Lol.
wpeate
January 31, 2018 at 1:59 PM
Hi Steve, did you see that Courtney Robertson and Arie’s Instagram stories show the same scene with charcuterie?
debb0
January 31, 2018 at 8:03 PM
Have to chime in on “The Nanny” thing as well…my son’s girlfriend has a 4 year college degree in communications, but unable to find a job in that area. So with student loans & bills to pay, she babysits, waitresses, & is a salesperson. Can’t always judge & assume.
beapancake
February 2, 2018 at 5:05 AM
Thank you for linking. Mind boggling people don’t know about this film!
beapancake
February 2, 2018 at 5:08 AM
Nannies I know make at least $15 an hour
katieottawa
February 4, 2018 at 4:20 AM
seriously not one person commented grease 2?? its grease 2 people!! WAY more entertaining than discussing this farce.
steve had the exact same thought as me. as they were on the bowling date right away i thought of grease 2 especially with that 50’s looking girl on the date. i thought they missed the boat when no one named their team pink ladies.
one of the best recaps in a long time because you referenced grease 2 and had the videos of the songs uploaded. as for the show and these brainless bimbos fighting over a dbag i couldnt care less. ill take michelle pfeiffer and maxwell caulfield anyday
i relate to steve. I am a grease buff. love both grease equally. i used to have grease parties where i played both movies and soundtracks and we would reenact all the scenes and dances. yes i proudly admit to being a nerd in my teens.
and the scene when handsome maxwell caulfield removes his helmet with his hair disheveled. oh. my. god.
arie is no maxwell caulfield when he removes his racecar helmet i can guarantee you that ladies.
shanna429
February 6, 2018 at 6:21 PM
Well I doubt she is going to college because at one point she ran off to work at a marijuana farm. Although I’m not 100% if that’s true.
shanna429
February 6, 2018 at 6:24 PM
I doubt it. She won’t see herself that way because she’s clueless and self absorbed.