-Time for Lauren’s 1-on-1 date and she runs and jumps into his arm. She showed more emotion in those :04 seconds than on all of her date in Paris. So I guess we’re off to a good start? They went bike riding in Italy and Arie made sure he stood up on his bike to let Lauren know he’s Billy Bad Ass. If Lauren was impressed by that, we know that she’s trying too hard. Not saying I could do it – I just wouldn’t even try. But when you’re Racey McRacerstein, and they put you on something that has wheels that spin, by golly, it’s time to do tricks. Would’ve been nice to see his bike go over a bump right at that moment, but alas, the producer’s weren’t that cruel for some reason. They can make contestants cry by insulting them or bringing up family deaths, but they can’t have Arie wipe out on a bike ride? Dammit, earn your pay! We’re not taking you on trips around the world for you to make the contestants look good. Don’t any of you have a sense of humor?
-Arie and Lauren have a bit of a backwards lunch as they eat gelato first, then pizza. I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea, but they should be fired. I’m all for pizza and gelato though. Count me in. But the other way around? Hmmmm…a curious choice to say the least. At least over pizza they had somewhat of a conversation? I think? I mean hell, anything beats last week when Lauren was doing her best mime impersonation. She said Arie is the first guy she’s been serious about since her fiancé and failed engagement last year, so this is a big deal to her. Did her ex take her for gelato and pizza in Italy? Probably not. He was a hockey goon. His idea of fun was probably a night out at Shake Shack and some Netflix and chill. My apologies to Lauren’s ex Chris Crane. I know nothing about the guy. For all I know he’s Rico Suave with the ladies. But judging from the fact that Lauren said once they were engaged, he didn’t treat her the greatest, I guess I’m allowed to jump to conclusions that date night for him included clipping coupons to local fast food joints.
-At dinner, Lauren and Arie toast to breaking down their walls. This has been a big thing for Lauren as it’s quite clear she is not comfortable in front of the cameras. Or opening up. Or being vulnerable. You know, all qualifications it takes to be a part of this show and has been for the last 16 years and 34 previous seasons. Meh. Details. She tells him she’s feeling scared and terrified, and this should surprise none of us since she basically said the same thing last week. It’s hard for her to put herself in a place where she can possibly get hurt again, which is basically exactly what happened. Until it didn’t. Trying to explain these two’s relationship is essentially like trying to explain Quantum Physics to a third grader. Nothing about this relationship makes sense, and it makes even less sense knowing how it plays out. Hence the reason I don’t give these two a snowballs chance in hell.
-You know why it didn’t make sense then? Because on only her second 1-on-1 date, just days after her first one where speaking was basically optional for her, Lauren says “I feel like I’m starting to fall in love with you.” Go check social media. I wasn’t the only one who was thinking, “Uhhhh, where did this come from?” Half the country did as well. So what does Arie do when she drops this on him? Gets up from the table and walks around. We don’t see him in an ITM, we don’t see him talking to a producer, and we don’t see him show any emotion. Just gets up, leaves, then comes back and sits down, says he’s felt some things he hasn’t felt in a very long time and that her saying she’s falling for him makes him happy. “I’m falling so deeply in love with you, it’s crazy.” Sure you’re not. Your guess is as good as mine people. He’s a joke. He’s doing what he’s doing for the sake of television. I don’t buy him for a second. Hell, I don’t buy what most people on this show say. It’s impossible to. But for him to say that, in that moment, with that girl, totally made zero sense.
