Now it’s time for the limo entrances. Oh goodie. Always a few every season that catch my eye. I’m not going to go over all 28 because plenty weren’t the least bit interesting. But here are some that stuck out to me:
Colton: First one out of the limo, and he wants to get this party started right. And what better way to get this party started than with a confetti gun. You know who else had a confetti gun? Taylor Swift at her concert this weekend. And it was bigger, shot out more confetti, and the confetti was fake newspaper clippings. Sorry, Colton. Taylor confetti gun > Colton’s half ass squirt/confetti gun.
Clay: He tells Becca he caught a lot of passes but the biggest catch of his life could be her. Then he says “catch you inside.” You know what? I want Clay to speak in nothing but football cliches all season. “Going for any of these other guys would be a major penalty, Becca.” “Colton, you’re totally out-of-bounds by seeing Tia before the season started then coming on and trying to date her best friend.” “I have a feeling that Jordan is making a pass at me. And not with a football.”
Jean Blanc: He has a French name, so he speaks to her in French. She repeats it then asks, “What’d I just say?” Jean Blanc: “Lets do the damn thing.” How about you do the right thing Jean Blanc and never ever say that phrase again or else I’ll have to douse you in a shower of Drakkar Noir.
Connor: He gets on one knee, says he’s ready to take this journey and “do the damn thing.” Connor, feel free to join Jean Blanc in that cologne shower and never come out.
Leo: Has his hair up in a bun and says because of nerves, it’s “time to let our hair down.” And he does. And it has all the power of Samson from the Bible. Or not. Well, whatever power it has it certainly can attract a certain taxidermy loving chick.
Jordan: Why he didn’t just enter saying, “Hey Becca, I’m Jordan. I’ll be the guy that editing focuses on for the first 4 episodes with the 900 ITM’s they give me so I can talk about myself. Can’t wait to get to Paradise.”
Mike: Another dude with a football background as he writes for Pro Football Focus. He brings a cardboard cut out of Arie because he wanted Arie to “get a chance to see you as happy as you are tonight.” Not bad. Although, I think you should’ve urinated on the cardboard cut-out for good measure. Funny. Cardboard is the exact word I would use to describe the Arie/Lauren relationship.
Garrett: Honk, honk. Beep, beep. Here comes Garrett in a mini van to show Becca their future life together. I’m sure her insides are drying up as we speak knowing this guy’s first impression is to tell her, “Hey, you will be a soccer mom and like it, dammit!” Although Becca loved it and didn’t seem the least bit bothered by the entrance. Probably would’ve drove off in the minivan if she could with him.
Blake: Blake showed up on the ATFR with a horse telling her to “get back on the saddle.” Now he has an ox saying he hasn’t been able to get her off his mind and his feelings are as strong as an ox. Unfortunately, I don’t find this entrance the least bit impressive since he was unable to secure Paul Bunyan to join him. Booooooooooo, Blake.
Wills: Tells her he’s a closet nerd and she likes that, because she’s a nerd too. Nothing like nerd love on the first night. I think Wills is going to be well liked this season.
Kamil: Talks about relationships meeting halfway, has Becca come walking towards him, then pulls a “Yeah, maybe 60/40.” If we’re playing percentages here Kamil, I’d say you have a 100% chance of never seeing Becca again after the first night. I’m good with odds.
Jake: From Minnesota and Becca recognizes him since they ran in the same social circles on a few occasions. She’s not impressed he never gave her an indication he liked her then, but now she’s the Bachelorette and here he is. Jake, if you did not receive a rose, say your goodbyes. In your case, you can’t even say your goodbyes because Becca ain’t got time for you and you don’t even make the rose ceremony. Womp, womp.
Trent: Arrives in a hearse telling Becca “I literally died when I heard you were the Bachelorette.” Well, that’s taking it too far. You didn’t die. In fact, you’re very much alive and healthy. And got talked into a pretty cheesy opener from producers.
David: Chicken suit. He’s not here to “ruffle feathers,” and it will be “egg-cellent to see her inside.” Pluck off.
Chris: He knows he has to impress Uncle Gary if he wants any shot with Becca, so he brings out the gospel choir to sing some made up song. I’d give it a 6 out of 10. Only because two seasons ago, Wells brought in All-4-One for JoJo, and my 90’s R&B craze got excited. Chris, if you would’ve landed Color Me Badd and had them sing “I Wanna Sex You Up” you would’ve gotten all the points.
ladyjane747
May 30, 2018 at 7:06 PM
Willowby – not to generalize? You just did. Perfect example of the tolerant left and Ashley and her ilk right there. LOL
lm3016
May 30, 2018 at 7:07 PM
I completely agree! Did this whole thing with Garrett need to be addressed? ABSOLUTELY! But by Becca! And the timing of this on Ashley’s part, during the week when she knows Becca will be doing publicity for the show right and left, has to put on his happy facade despite probably being hurt and angry, and not have the time she really needs to address this with Garrett. Ashley has convicted and crucified Garrett, and no matter what he says, how he apologizes, what the true case is, she opened the door for Becca to be bullied on social media, and has unfortunately created even more public hardship on an early relationship. It’s almost like her goal of releasing this in the way she did is to cause strife in their relationship because “Becca deserves better.” Poor Becca..already humiliated publicly once this year, and no matter the outcome..if they break up, she has “poor taste and judgement in men” or if they stay together “she supports a homophobic, transphobic, racist with no empathy”. If Ashley truly supported women, she should have taken it to Becca. I don’t support Garrett’s seemingly state of mind, but I sure don’t support hurting other women either
sc07
June 2, 2018 at 8:56 AM
He’s only being judged because it appears that he is a conservative. In today’s world especially anything or anybody that is connected with Hollywood, you’re automatically looked down on and bullied for having conservative beliefs. They call everybody that have conservative views racist, judgmental, and intolerant. When they are being everything they claim to hate. Liberals say they are open minded but how open minded are you when you judge somebody for their political views. They proclaim to hate bullying but yet they think they can bullying someone into having the same mindset as theirs. It’s getting to the point we no longer even have freedom of speech.
Leave the man alone and quit judging and thinking you know him by his Instagram likes, especially since we don’t even have his side of the story. It’s a shame that someone is always offended by whatever you say or do. I’m sure there’s a whole lot more to him as a person.
SeaDub
June 7, 2018 at 6:39 AM
Left or right or middle – we all know wrong and creating, laughing at, liking and / or supporting a photo of a child being thrown over a wall is wrong. All decent human beings know this. Do not let politics cloud that over. And bravo to Ashley Spivey for bringing it to our attention.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing” – Edmund Burke.
And I remind or inform you that the rise of Nazism came from cartoons about Jews.
Lastly, feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. There is nothing “nazi” about it.