-The guys move into the mansion, and I think it’s become customary now that no matter what the season, no matter what the location, in every single place they visit, the group of guys/girls must stand on a balcony and scream the lead’s name. They did this for Becca at the beginning of this episode, which is literally two days after they meet her. In other cities, I mean, I guess it’s ok to do. But really? Two episodes in and at the mansion? Not necessary guys. I know you’re following production’s orders, but it’s just lame. Do it in a far away country to piss off the locals. You don’t need to do it when the audience doesn’t know 75% of your names yet.
-Group date will start off the week, and 8 guys will try on tuxedos then be shown what to do. They think it’ll be some modeling gig, which no doubt has Jordan’s trousers as tight as can be. The guys start dressing in front of Becca and you can tell she’s checking them out one by one. She basically think Lincoln is built like a brick sh**house and, well, the jokes just write themselves. I hope at no point during this fitting did he have to excuse himself for a little bathroom break. That might’ve made every single one of those guys sick to their stomach, although, none of them would’ve had a clue at the time that he has the bathroom etiquette of a caveman.
-Whaddya’ know, Jordan is trying to explain to Becca how to be more of a model in her everyday life. “Before you put your panty hose or your shoes on…put your confidence on.” Thanks for the words of wisdom you douche worm. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that Jordan has short man’s disease. Granted, I’m aware that there are some narcissistic guys out there who only talk about themselves constantly and make every story about them, but you wonder how any woman can find him remotely appealing after watching this show. Sure, there are plenty that will, but I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m not supposed to. But he couldn’t be less appealing if he tried.
-Rachel and Bryan are there to explain the obstacle course to the guys, and isn’t this race eerily similar to Rachel’s first group date last season where it was a relationship themed obstacle course that Whaboom won? Looks like some creative team is running out of ideas. So there’s 6 stages to this race:
Ball & Chain – running with a 25 lb weight, and your dignity, tied around your ankle.
Cold Feet – getting in a freezing cold tub set to a timer long enough that your manhood is completely sucked up into your stomach before it’s over.
Slippery Slope – run up a wall that Bryan says has Crisco Oil on it, even though it just looked like whipped cream.
Get Over Your Exes – roll around in the mud in your tuxedo that really wasn’t a good look for Lincoln. Like, at all.
Cake Tasting – only using your mouth to find a fake ring buried in a cake
Race to the Altar – first one to bring the ring to Becca “wins” but also loses some self-respect in the meantime
-I don’t know about you guys, but didn’t Lincoln cheat like 4 different times during this race? The guy took off before his timer tipped over and he definitely used his hand while eating the cake. Anyway, he wins, he’s covered in mud (and/or poop, whatever you want to go with), gets to take a picture with Becca and he now becomes the envy of everyone else there. Ok, well just Connor because this stupidest fight in the history of this show has now begun. Like, I didn’t even know it was possible to argue over something so petty and meaningless, but by golly, Lincoln and Connor sure found a way. I was consciously losing brain cells watching these two fight over the picture that Lincoln insisted on keeping around and Connor wanted to get rid of. Ultimately, Connor chucked in the pool, but honestly, the best and most mature way for Connor to have handled that whole ordeal would’ve been if he just dropped a #2 on it. Would’ve seemed appropriate.
-At the cocktail party, the only two people they show her having any significant alone time with is Lincoln and Jean Blanc. Lincoln didn’t do much, but she’s impressed by Jean Blanc and his Drakkar Noir bath he took to clean himself up, that they end up making out. And she also made out with Lincoln because he won the obstacle course I guess. Jean Blanc tells her she’s got all the qualities he’s looking for in a woman, she’s the missing puzzle piece, he’s ready for a relationship, he likes her smile, but mostly her lips, then make out city.
-Picture Gate continued to be the focal point of this group date as after Connor chucked the picture in the pool (although the sound guy screwed up with giving us the sound of it shattering on the ground), Lincoln is all beat up that his picture is gone and lost forever and he can’t show his mom this. She’d be so proud. You know what she WOULDN’T be proud of Lincoln? Forget it. When it’s Connor’s turn to talk to Becca, she tells him she knows what he did with the picture, and he could’ve handled himself better. Connor is struggling. No, not with Becca in any way. But with the fact that he refuses to button the top 27 buttons or so on his shirt. Not sure who told him that was a great look, but hey, whatever works for you bro ham. Jean Blanc got the group date rose, Lincoln wasn’t happy he didn’t get it, and Connor has the self control of a 4th grader stealing some other kids lunch.