-Leo’s 1-on-1 date is up next and, ummmmm, wow. Talk about painful. It’s safe to say that a mountain lion and a gazelle have more chemistry together than these two (Mountain lions eats gazelle’s right? Just checking. There are million other comparison’s I can make. Don’t ask why I went with that one. It’s late, I’ve been up talking all night to a potential podcast guest, and I don’t feel like expanding my horizons with my comparisons). Anyway, the date starts out innocently enough with Becca telling us, “I really like him and see something with him.” Cut to their two-seater plane ride over Richmond where we don’t see them once looking at each other or even speaking. Talk about romantic. I think if you actually took the time to dissect how many times Becca showed a remote interest in the guy, you’d find it’s zero. But hey, must be the editing, right?
-After that cringeworthy plane ride, Becca sits Leo down to tell him basically, “Look, unfortunately you’re stuck with the Wills date. You know, the one where I have a 1-on-1 the day after a group date where some of the guys screwed with my head, and rather than enjoy my time with you and tell you how much I love where our relationship is going, I’m just going to rehash what happened the day before and tell you it’s tough being myself today, basically sabotaging our 1-on-1.” Or something like that. I mean, she even admits to him he wasn’t getting the best of her that day because she’s still affected by what Chris did the day before. Leo plays it cool and is like, “Hey…we can do nothing today if that’s what you want. I’m here just for you babe. Whatevs.” Even went as far as to reveal this to her:
Leo: “I’d be yours in the real world if you wanted to be with me.”
Becca: “Well, I’m glad you’re here.”
That essentially summed up this date. Basically, “Connor and Lincoln are going home tonight so they’re not getting 1-on-1’s, Chris is off his rocker, so that really only leaves you left as the only guy I haven’t given a 1-on-1 to. If I give Garrett, Blake, Colton, or Wills another 1-on-1 before you, then the writing is on the wall for you as well. So lets just call this a stay of execution and enjoy our free concert together where two people who really aren’t remotely into each other have to pretend they are in front of a 1,000 people. It won’t be the least bit awkward.”
-But before the concert date, these two did a little oyster shucking. So during my podcast with Juliet, I mentioned that didn’t Rachel have some oyster shucking date with Jack Stone last season in South Carolina? I was partially right. Or not at all. The shucking part was right, but it didn’t have to do with oysters. They did a Shuck N’ Jive dancing bit, and right after that she dumped him because Jack Stone was kinda creepy. So my apologies for saying they did something with oysters as well. Either way, Leo and Becca both slam some oysters then make out immediately after, and I think I tasted that bile in my own mouth. Blech. Was that really a good idea? That looked about as disgusting as one could imagine. Garrett I could see her doing it with because she’s goo-goo ga-ga over him. Leo the soft core porn star? No.
-Over dinner, Becca is really interested in digging deeper and finding out how Leo “became the man he is.” Ummm, by going to an audition for “High Heel Homicide” is my guess. I digress. Leo tells us his parents have been married almost 40 years but he feels that he failed his dad because his dad wanted him to have a career in baseball. Leo played ball at a JC and at UCLA but looks like it never progressed anywhere past that. I don’t know Leo, you’re being kinda hard on yourself. No pun intended. A pro baseball player, or a pro actor who simulates sex with a sock on during movies shown at 2am on Skinemax. I think you did dad proud. Don’t be so down on yourself. Hey, whatever pays the bills, right? You do have that episode of SMILF in your back pocket to fall back on. And a brief stint in Paradise. And I gotta believe HHH is gonna have a sequel, no? Oh wait, you were stabbed during sex in the first one so I guess you’re out if they make another. Damn.
-Leo ends up getting the rose because, well, there’s a concert with a 1,000 people waiting for them and she couldn’t show up alone. Fact. And it was about as awkward as you could imagine. The pics and videos I posted that night, you could clearly see they seemed like two buddies who were forced to go on a date and kiss in front of a bunch of people as opposed to watching her on her concert date with Garrett in Park City. Light years different. But hey, Mr. Kelsea Ballerini put on a great concert for everyone, got some pub for his song, and it allowed someone to stick a microphone in Chris Lane’s face for God knows what reason to get his opinion on being the “Bachelor.” The amount of DM sliding I’ve seen from that guy is unreal. Like, the SAME THING to each girl acting like they’re special. It’s frightening what little game he has to run that. And his obsession with girls from Bachelor Nation is beyond anything I’ve ever seen. Holy sh**.