-Sloth girl is back but at least we’re done with the gimmick, she’s now taken off the costume, and frankly, did herself a disservice by wearing the costume in the first place. Paradise is 5 months away from filming and they haven’t brought anyone in for interviews yet (that doesn’t happen til April), but I can guarantee you Sloth girl will be in Paradise. Count on it. This is just the type of first night girl they would bring on Paradise. Now granted, I think her nerves got the best of her when she started talking to Colton because all she did was reel off a bunch of stuff she liked. It was like when you ask a 5 year old what their favorite things are. Just don’t wear the suit down in Mexico Alex (except in your intro).
-It’s Catherine turn to be reeeeeal thirsty and do whatever producers tell her to do. She says she doesn’t feel like there’s much competition here which is “Bachelor” world means “I’m the villain because I’m gonna make myself seem better than everyone else.” Tracy interrupts her and yeah, that ain’t sittin’ well with Pinocchio the Catherine. She comes back and interrupts Tracy while she’s drawing on shoes with him (this is when Fleiss referred to Tracy as a ratings killer). Hey, maybe that’s why they ordered allowed demanded forced politely maybe suggested ever so delicately for Catherine to head back there and interrupt. Call me crazy. Then she did it again with Onyeka. Then again with Caitlin. You kinda sense what’s happening here.
-Onyeka’s had enough at this point and pulls her aside to tell her it’s not a good look. They go back and forth seemingly disagreeing on every point, but then when they both get up to leave, they act like they just hashed that sh*t out. Apparently not since Catherine interrupts a conversation for a 4th time now stepping in on Tahzjuan’s conversation and yeah, Catherine, you make take your villain crown from Krystal as we speak. Enjoy it while it lasts for three episodes as you completely alienate yourself from the group for your antics. Wear it proudly. It’s only a matter of time before you have to pass it on to Demi anyway. But in your 3 episode stint, be sure to give as many self-absorbed ITM’s as you can so people can fully grasp how much you really went on the show for love & to find a husband and not for 310 shakes you’ll never drink.
-To get us past the enigma that is Catherine, lets move on to someone else. Cassie. The speech pathologist who may have filmed a reality show just weeks before leaving to film the “Bachelor” which will air online in February. That’ll be fun. But hey, while we’re at it, lets see her teaching Colt Dawg “You’re cute,” “Rose,” and “Kiss” in sign language. That’ll eat em’ up. Cassie is certainly knows what she’s doing and she’s doing it well. I’m sorry, but I can’t get over the fact that her ex’s name is Caelan and her new BFF from this show is Caelynn. What are the f***ing odds?
-Katie gets to kiss Dolton during her alone time with him bringing the number of first night kisses to two. Then he gives Hannah G. the first impression rose and kisses her bringing the total to three. Has anyone ever kissed three women on the first night? I don’t remember but that seems like a record. He says Hannah reminds him a lot of home and that’s a good thing I guess. For those that weren’t around months ago when I told you Hannah was on the show, just know she already had the largest IG following of any of the 30 women before they left for filming as she’s modeled for the popular Red Dress Boutique on IG (IG: shopreddress). Not to mention been in 3 country music videos:
So yeah, Hannah is one to watch out for and as I’ve said a couple times already in the spoiler podcast and the column, is probably the #1 contestant most alums will be after come Paradise if she doesn’t get the “Bachelorette” gig.
-Rose ceremony time. Wait, are we serious here? Did you all pay attention to Colton’s “speech” before the rose ceremony? “You all look so beautiful.” That was it. Didn’t throw in any “thanks for giving up your time to be here?” No mention of “You all are great in your own way. I wish I had more time to spend with all of you?” Geez. A five word toast. Thanks? Hannah G. is safe with a rose. Others receiving: Caelynn, Katie, Alex B., Hannah B., Onyeka, Caitlin, Annie, Kirpa, Heather, Elyse, Tayshia, Courtney, Cassie, Demi, Nina, Erika, Sydney, Bri, Angelique, and Tracy.
“Ladies, Colton, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. Did you see after 37 seasons and 16 years they finally gave me a three minute tribute? You guys are the best. Maybe for my retirement you’ll get a me a watch too.”
Catherine gets the last rose because of course she did. Anyone could see that coming miles away based on her edit night one.
So next week we have two group dates and a 1-on-1 for Hannah on her birthday. Best part? No more live shows until the finale when all hell is gonna break loose. Good. After last night’s freak show, I think it’ll be nice to have a little normalcy back in our lives when it comes to this show.
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