-We start off with the remaining 2-on-1 date between Bennett and Noah, which couldn’t be more forced and uninteresting if they tried. Noah is saying to him again the “0% chance Tayshia would ever be with you” comment while Tayshia is there and she’s just about over it. She asks, “What’s in the box?” However we don’t actually SEE her asking this so my guess is this was voiced over much later on. Why? Because why would you ask that question, have Bennett say, “It’s a gift I gave Noah,” and then not even want to see what’s in it? That scene was so spliced together, I lost track of how many inconsistencies there were. Hey, maybe Sharleen will break it down in her All the Pretty Pandas column this week. She’s excellent at that stuff. I know a voiceover when I hear it, and that was one. But splicing the clip and showing it I don’t have the time for. So I’ll leave that up to the expert Sharleen.
-Tayshia steps away with Bennett and asks him about the whole 0% statement he made. And by asking him that, she literally has to explain to him, “You realize that by saying there is 0% chance I’d end up with Noah, you are questioning my integrity…you can’t tell someone they have 0% chance with me. That’s not your place.” Mr. Self-Aware, Mr. Emotionally Intelligent, Mr. Harvard doesn’t see her point. At all. Which goes to show his Harvard education and chiseled jaw doesn’t really mean a whole hell of a lot when you’re not self aware enough to know how you’re insulting Tayshia by saying Noah has 0% chance. The guy just doesn’t get it. I’m fairly sure he knew he was playing a role at this point, but Good God man, get with the program. You’re not coming off great at all. It’s embarrassing.
-Then after she speaks with both, it’s back to Bennett lecturing Noah yet again with his, “What’s more important than IQ is EQ. And you’re deficient in three of those.” So Tayshia mentioned Noah was a common denominator in the drama (or was it Bennett? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m pulling my hair out at this point so does it really matter?), Bennett is bringing up percentages, etc. So much math being brought out this episode. Is there a test coming next? Do they get to use their Scantron? How about a calculator? I haven’t sat in a classroom for a test in 23 years, so I have a serious question: Are Scantron tests still a thing? What about blue empty booklets for any written test you need to do? Don’t all kids have Macbooks at their desk now with them? Do you realize how foreign that is to my and what my schooling was? I could go crazy just trying to compare the differences. Back to talking about these two sucking the life out of me tonight.
-Bennett to Noah: “You don’t think I’m aware that I’m different than everyone in the house?” If that wasn’t one of the most elitist, self-absorbed, narcissistic quotes Bennett’s laid down this season then, well, it’s in his top 100. I’ve lost track of how many he’s given us. He never expanded on exactly what he meant by that, but I think we all know. He went to Harvard, he’s emotionally intelligent, he works at the Daily Planet, he can change in a phone booth, and kryptonite kills his powers. If Miss Teschmacher doesn’t remove that thing from around his neck, he will die in Lex Luthor’s pool. Hurry! Lex is trying to start an earthquake in California that’ll have the whole state fall into the Pacific Ocean. He promises he’ll save your mother. Where the hell am I? What am I doing? Sorry. Keep getting sidetracked by this boredom.
-She tells Bennett he worries her because he speaks to people in a condescending tone and doesn’t remotely realize it. Noah she’s worried about because he might not be ready for marriage. She ends up telling Bennett to peace out and she can’t give him the rose, they walk out, and he’s stunned. Mainly for two reasons: 1) his complete lack of self awareness and 2) his bruised ego. Meanwhile back inside, as Noah waits for Tayshia to come back, he starts crushing a box of Tic Tacs like it’s the last candy he’ll ever eat again. And probably thinking he’s now gonna get to tongue wrestle with Tayshia. She has other plans. She’s not thrilled with him, she doesn’t give him the rose, and she’ll decide at the rose ceremony what she wants to do. Noah is crushed, he thinks he’s going home, and now he has minty fresh breath all for nothing. Womp, womp.
-At the cocktail party, lets face it, not a whole hell of a lot happened. Riley gave her cake to celebrate their one week anniversary of being boyfriend & girlfriend, Zac gave her a framed picture from the wedding photo shoot, she made out with Ben and Brendan, and there wasn’t any drama. Probably because Bennett the Narcissist was back in his bungalow just waiting it out a few more days when producers told him they’d bring him back.
-Rose ceremony time. Zac & Ben safe with roses. Tayshia: “Week has been emotional…great group in front of me…relationships are blowing me away…not easy, been amazing, thank you…care about you all, just thank you…I’m freaked out Chris Harrison isn’t here to count down my roses…how do I even function up here?”
Brendan: This guy’s wardrobe straight out of the early 90s with nothing but mocks and turtlenecks is straight fire. The Rock in his fanny pack picture would love it.
Riley: He’s one guy from this season I would love to have on the podcast one day. Probably won’t happen for a while, but just think he’s got an interesting story.
Blake: Remember how featured Blake was in the first couple episodes? He’s literally been a wallflower since.
Ivan: Remember how Ivan had that great 1-on-1 time two episodes ago? He’s barely said peep since unfortunately.
You guys, this was literally the moment I waited all night for. This was JoJo’s first rose ceremony ever. What would she do? I was on pins and needles wondering if she was gonna come in and drop the “Gentleman, Tayshia, it’s the final rose tonight, when you’re ready line”…AND SHE DIDN’T!!!! WTF!!!! You ask this woman to come in and fill Mr. Harrison’s shoes but won’t even allow her to show off her subtraction skills and let us know that 5 – 4 = 1? Total bullshit. I hope if there’s a next time she gets asked to fill in, she tells them she wants double the pay and to allow her to subtract in front of the group. Those should be her marching orders.
Noah: Because of course he was gonna get it.
