Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails,” Last Night’s IG Live, & Chris Harrison Set to Speak

Photo Credit: ABC

Hi Steve,

Do you think that Chris Harrison was at all coached by the Bachelor franchise execs before going on the Extra interview? He put a lot of his views into it, but it seems that it’s an even worse situation if he ran his predicted responses by the franchise first and they still told him to go with it.

Comment: No. Because no one in their right mind would’ve told him to go on the show and say that.

Having spent years ripping this show you now expect Bachelor to “change the culture”?

This show has been a moral and emotional trainwreck consisting of 20 years of backstabbing, exploitation, bullying, manipulation, and sexual malpractice. This show is your financial bread and butter, Steve. Warts and all. Ka-ching ka-ching for you and it’s meant you never had to go out and get a “real” job. Ummmm, this is a real job, and ignorant statements like that show you have no idea what you’re talking about.

But now, suddenly, with the rise of woke/cancel culture, you’re demanding that this shit show suddenly become a beacon of racial equality and moral virtue that will lead our mighty nation into the future of social justice. My heart goes a pitter patter just before I gag.

“After everything that’s happened, and the litany of stories we’re hearing behind the scenes now of BIPOC contestants being excluded in screen time, and not feeling at all included in this show, what sense does it make to just keep running this show back season after season with the same host and same production crew?”

Being excluded in screen time? Not feeling included in the show? So now you’re all on your moral soap box about how this production crew needs to change because it has mistreated contestants?

When has it ever NOT mistreated contestants? When has it ever NOT been an evil show, Steve? So what you are basically now saying, is that it was okay and very profitable for you and The Bachelor when it was JUST an evil show. But now it may be an evil and RACIST show. And racist is more evil than evil. So now it must change. Because now Bachelor Nation finally has a conscience.

Reality Steve has become Ideal World Steve. Better late than never, I guess.

Comment: This is the problem with people are coming after me for “profiting” off the show. Have you ever read anything I’ve written about this franchise in the last 18 years? And more distinctly, the last 10 where I actually made money off my site? I call them out for the things they do left and right. If I were on ABC’s payroll, and they were paying me to promote their show, blow smoke up the audience’s ass, and overlook all the mistakes they’ve made, THEN I think you’d be absolutely just in calling me out for profiting off their behavior. I’ve done the opposite. And I get paid by the traffic to my site. So clearly people do enjoy what I provide, since I’ve been able to make this site my full time job coming up on 10 years this August because people continue to read me. Check your facts before coming at me with that. You’re way off base.

Hi Steve,

Thanks for speaking out against the haterz. (You mean like the guy in the previous email? Ha ha) I’m baffled at how people can defend the racist behaviors that we’ve seen recently. It’s kind of ironic how people are calling what’s going on in Toxic BN “cancel culture” and condemning it, while turning around and threatening to cancel YOU for your stance on the matter…. lol wut ?

Anyway, I have a question about TI! Have you ever heard of producers pressuring any of the couples one way or another? I’m sure it would be nothing like the extent of the manipulation on the Bachelor. This season just got me thinking how disappointed I would be if it turned out that none of the couples decided to stay together, and then I wondered if producers ever tried to push anyone toward or away from their relationship to make the outcome of the show more surprising.

Thanks again!

Comment: I mean, in the end, it’s a TV show. And they’ll show clips that clearly may be out of sequence, or reactions to other conversations, etc. That’s what reality TV is. I’m sure it happens on this show, but I haven’t heard specifics of what they do, no.

Quick fun fact

Heidi Mueller who u referenced on ig live
is married to demarco murray

Comment: Wow. Didn’t know that. This came up on my Clubhouse when I was talking about the reality show on NBC called “Who Wants To Marry My Dad?” The daughter I remember being really good looking. Come to find out she went to get a soap opera acting gig on “Passions” for a while. But man, didn’t know that’s who Demarco Murray married. Interesting.

Dear Steve,

I can’t believe I’m writing to you. I am someone who resents the amount of time I’ve given to this show, hate-watching it, looking for your spoilers, etc. I wish I could just give it up like so many of my friends have, but I just can’t, for whatever reason.

In any case, I just wanted to express my support for how you’re handling this latest insanity. I cringe to read/hear how many people think Chris or Rachel did nothing wrong when Chris’ interview is the most embarrassing thing he’s ever done (and I already had such little respect for him already, for being part of this show for so long).

I am a white woman who appreciates that you’re taking this opportunity to try to use your enormous platform to educate those who aren’t getting it and don’t want to hear it. I don’t regularly listen to your podcast, but I’m so grateful to you and Taylor for breaking this down for your listeners. That you’re getting so much shit about it is so indicative of where we are as a country; I realize so many of us watch this show just for an escape, but I’m so grateful to you for exposing this show for what it is.

Comment: I love the “I watch this show for an escape, why are we talking about this stuff” take I hear a lot. If you can’t see, or refuse to see, that THEIR OWN BIPOC CONTESTANTS are complaining about their role in the franchise and how uncomfortably they feel on the show, then you’re choosing to bury your head in the sand because you don’t want to have uncomfortable conversations. It’s like people are acting like I’m the only one saying this and I’m trying to make race an issue when it isn’t. Unreal. It IS an issue, and it’s an issue because it was brought about by their own host, and its contestants are the ones saying it is.

Hey Steve!,

What are your thoughts on ABC taping the ATFR special just so they can edit and spin it to fit whatever narrative they so chose with everything going on?


Comment: Very much a high possibility.

Hi Steve,

I wanted to write and thank you for denouncing Taylor Nolan’s tweets despite your friendship. I am an Asian American woman and was absolutely disgusted by what she said. The past couple of years I have also been struggling with weight/body image. I don’t normally comment on these Bachelor Nation apologies because I 100% agree with the idea that if the harmful/discriminatory act wasn’t directed at you, it’s not your place to accept the apology. But now I am in one of the affected groups so I feel like I have standing to say that Taylor’s was one of the worst “apology” statements I’ve read. If she intentionally left the tweets up as “part of her journey” why did she not address them until she was called out? Also, accountability means taking responsibility for your OWN actions, not blaming others for things you chose to type. I am normally a very forgiving person but her apology just felt self-serving and disingenuous. Do you have any plans to have her on your podcast again to dive deeper into this? I hope she will speak on this more and show she understands the weight of her words.

Thanks for all the Bachelor work you do regarding matters both on and off the screen.

Comment: She will not be on again anytime soon. And there isn’t much I can add what you said. I agree with all of it.

Do you think reality TV is still viable in the long run? With the Bachelor, we’ve seen what happened to both Hannah and Matt two of the last three seasons. Even a show like idol or the voice, their narratives can’t really happen in the same way due to social media, not to mention artists being able to use social or YouTube to get discovered – maybe why there hasn’t been a viable new artist from one of those in forever.

Additionally, more and more TV is consumed through on demand and binge watching, cord cutting on the rise with younger adults, and there’s more variety of content through those streaming services, which cuts down on huge audiences.

Alternatively, do you think the format can and will be be modernized somewhat to address those issues? Do you think sports will suffer from that as well, or might that be the anomaly?

Comment: I think it’ll always be viable because of how cheap it is to make and what the returns it brings in terms of advertising money.


I feel really devastated by Taylor Nolan’s tweets. I think that may be weird, since I don’t actually know her, but I really appreciated the awareness she brought to the BLM movement, and to mental health and sexual health. I wasn’t ALWAYS in agreement with her, but I felt like she had a good heart and a good head on her shoulders, and now I feel like I never had a clue who she really was. The only thing I can take from this is that we clearly don’t know people on social media, despite how much we think we know, and that I should stay off Instagram altogether. I sincerely hope that one of her friends sits down with her and has a real heart to heart because I don’t think her apology was a real apology at all. The hypocrisy is stunning. She should have started with, “I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

Comment: Agree.


I’m sure you are getting slammed with emails regarding Taylor’s tweets. I don’t need a reply or expect you to agree with me. Hell, you might even think my take is way off base. I just needed to get my thoughts written out and off my chest. I know she is a friend of yours and in the conversations you or others may have with her regarding this matter all I can hope for is that you all can hold her to the same standards she expects and demands of others.

Frankly, I am so disappointed and frustrated with her tweets and this will forever change the way I look at her. I appreciated Taylor for her fight against racism and for sex positivity. Did I agree with everything she said…no. Did I find her at times to be a little “all knowing”…yes. Any respect I had…it’s gone. For someone who has dissected and rarely accepts an apology from her fellow bachelor nation members this insta apology is atrocious. The fact that it’s only for the BIPOC community is laughable. And the fact she is blaming her tweets on her wanting to fit in with “whiteness” is disgusting and insulting. She is so defensive and coming across as so above it all. It’s a masterclass in gaslighting. How this girl did not delete her entire Twitter account before she went on national television knowing the vile things she had said in her past I’ll never understand. It’s years worth of hate. If you are going to leave your horrific old tweets online because it’s “part of my journey”, that basically offend every group under the sun, you should have (from day 1 when you got a platform from this show) talked about how your old internalized hatred was what propelled you in to the life you are living and work you are doing now. And you can’t be mad or defensive when they come back to bite you in the ass! We’ve NEVER heard her acknowledge this was why she is so passionate about fighting against racism. Honestly, racism was just the tip of the iceberg in the hate she has felt and expressed. For her to hold judgement over Rachael K and Chris Harrison with that past is wild. Who’s to say Rachael and Chris won’t be different people in 10 years after they “do the work” they need to do to understand their wrongdoings? In the meantime it’s okay to ride them? I honestly feel Hannah Brown and Rachael Kirkconnell’s past racist actions were done out of pure ignorance, not hate. Taylor’s tweets (over years) were out of hate. Just because your hate wasn’t made public for 10 years doesn’t make it any less awful. If she wants grace for herself then EVERYONE who makes a mistake deserves grace. Whether it’s on day 1 or year 10.

I grew up with a lot biracial people who have never used the excuse that at times they felt caught between two worlds to spew hate at marginalized groups to fit in with the “white crowd”. I am saddened at the blaming of white people for her wrongdoings… was her hating her own blackness. I’m glad she has come to terms and loves herself now, but it truly makes me understand why she has been so hard and frankly so unforgiving to others who have made mistakes. As a white woman who is a nurse and cares for a diverse population and treats EVERYONE as equals I am outraged. The fact that Taylor is a healthcare worker who ridiculed patients online repulses me. Taylor should be ashamed of that smug self righteous apology. She may think she has done the work but after witnessing that apology she better check herself and find a good counselor. I don’t want to hear her (I think 3rd) apology she is going to record today. She demands immediate responses from others and calls them out when they are not fast enough for her. She said what she said the first time. That’s how she really feels.
Looking forward to hearing what you and Ashley will have to say on this.


PS. Bekah Martinez had the most spot on best response on Instagram yesterday.

Emmanuel Acho was a FABULOUS choice for ATFR. I can’t wait to watch. He leads with kindness and compassion and is an excellent teacher. Wouldn’t be mad if he ends up with the job permanently.

Comment: This is a very common reaction to what Taylor did. And all those people have every right to feel that way. That’s why she has a loooooooooong road back. I said it yesterday, and I’ll say it again. She disappointed me and let me down. It will forever change how I see her. Is she a friend? Yes. Am I going to pile on? No. I don’t see the point of combatting her hateful tweets with more hate. But will I distance myself more? Absolutely. I will hold her accountable, I told her I would, and I’m guessing we won’t speak as much as we have in the last 6 months or so. I just don’t feel we need to.



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