Steve,
I just finished listening to Michael A being interviewed on Kaitlyn’s podcast and I am confused. He said he is not interested in becoming the Bachelor for several reasons including the fact that he is still hung up on Katie. I don’t buy that he’s not interested for one second. He’s kind of in a lose-lose. If he says he’s interested and would like the gig, he’ll get people coming at him saying he wasn’t sincere and this was his plan all along. And if he says he’s not interested – he’s lying.
If he was really that in love with her, why didn’t he figure out some way to be with his child or have them bring James out. We are talking staying two more weeks here for a woman you are in love with.
Maybe she told him he was not the one? That is the only thing I can think of. If he was that smitten, why would he leave with two weeks to go? I am sure producers could have found a way for him to meet up with his son.
Am I missing something here?
Comment: Whose to say it was easy to get his kid out there? Maybe bc his child is unvaccinated they didn’t want to deal with that. He’s under 12, so we know he doesn’t have any COVID protection. And they’re running a tight ship when it comes to COVID in production, so, we don’t know it was just gonna be that easy his son was gonna show up.
_________________________
Hi Steve,
First of all, I love love love your podcast and your work overall. I wanted to get your input on some things that have come up surrounding Katie.
I know Katie ends up with Blake engaged but some are currently questioning if they’re still together. Michael A. has been commenting some very flirty things on her Instagram which is leading people to believe that Katie is single at this point in time. I don’t think Michael is the type of guy to flirt with an engaged woman and try to win her back. Have you heard anything regarding whether Blake and Katie are still engaged right now?
Comment: Katie and Blake are engaged and are happy. Nothing has changed. People can read into the social media stuff and dissect it until they’re blue in the face. It will get them nowhere. They’re engaged.
_________________________
Hi,
Ok here’s the deal….. Greg is playing a game to become the next bachelor. It’s all acting! He’s acted like he loves her, now he’s acting like he’s breaking up. Amping up the drama to gain sympathy. What he’s saying makes no sense except that it’s all an act. The question is…. Does anyone buy it?
Comment: Plenty of people do. I’d say it was running 50/50 yesterday.
_________________________
Gaslighting 101. A Master Class. Holy crap with Greg. “I’ve done everything. I’ve reached my breaking point. I’ve given everything”. Okay. Bachelor audition, anyone?
What an asshat. A douche canoe. A self centred moron.
Okay there’s really no question here, except that ….wow.
Central casting. We have a candidate.
Comment: He’s not going to be the “Bachelor.” Not after Monday’s episode he’s not, and I doubt before that either.
_________________________
Hello! I have never written to you before and decided to write because I have been reading your columns for the past three years or maybe more and your point of view on the Katie and Gregg situation has me really confused. You have always criticize this show for not being real, for finding that the people that go on the show act calculated and based on what the show want them to do. The reason why it confuses me is that I think that any normal person in Gregg situation would have acted the same way, when you fall for someone and you pour your heart out you do not expect the other person to say I like looking at you, that is definitely not a good sign. And we only see 10 or 15 minutes of a long conversation that was probably edited to make him look bad. I think he sensed and knew she was not going to pick him, and of course he is in a show and should have known better as to what he can expect, I give you that. But you should know better than everybody else how the show does their edit. I just feel bad for Gregg on how people are trashing him in social media when I think he was honest and did what he thought was better for him. Also just because he took some acting classes does not mean he was there to help his career or that everything was an act, because he works in marketing. I just think in the position that you are and in the way you used to judge this situations it surprises me and people like you should use their platforms in a positive manner because you never know how this human being is taking all the bad things that are saying about him everywhere or at least do not promote that behavior as you have done with others before. I think Katie had a plan and production had a plan since Blake enter the scene. Thanks for your time.
Comment: Do I think he deserves to get trashed on social media? No. And I repeatedly said that yesterday. My issue isn’t with what questions he had for Katie, it was once he got the response, he could’ve handled himself better. I didn’t think he needed to interrupt her constantly. I didn’t think he needed to tell her she wasn’t listening to him. I didn’t think he needed to up and leave the show over all that. I didn’t think he needed to go from “she’s the one” to “I’m outta here” that quickly. He should’ve shown more empathy for her and the position that she was in. He didn’t like her reply? Great. Yeah, it was disappointing. But from that point forward, I don’t think he acted mature about it at all. I think he could’ve taken a totally different approach, understood the pressure she was under, given her more time to digest what he just told her, and not judge her on the first thing out of her mouth. Regardless, once it wasn’t the answer he was obviously expecting, he seemingly was just there to argue and take out his frustrations on her. I thought that was wrong.
_________________________
Hi Steve,
A few comments on the episode this week. First of all, I don’t see how Greg was wrong in any of his thinking. I understand why it upset Katie and the delivery was very harsh, but I mean, was he wrong?? Is “the process” and not wanting to give any reassurance to anyone and all of that more important than a potential real life relationship and husband? If she actually meant what she said, she should’ve said it with her chest. If Greg leaves, I leave. So leave. There are absolutely some things Katie said that confused. But none of anything she said I thought deserved the response he gave her. I have a feeling I’m gonna be repeating myself a lot this week.
It really resonated with me when she said he’s been her number one and he got upset because she should just take each relationship individually. I mean, it must absolutely suck to tell someone you believe they are your future wife and their response is, you’ve always been the best of my 3 options. What the what??
What Greg did wasn’t gaslighting. He said his peace and left. She was the one who kept following him, prying for more. If she wanted him that bad, she knows good and well she could have left with him. And if she didn’t, she could’ve sent him home. And if she didn’t know, maybe an engagement in a week isn’t a fantastic idea. As much as everyone is seeking to validate Katie’s feelings, I think we equally need to validate Greg’s. I’m not saying Greg is squeaky clean and Katie is a terrible human, I’m just trying to stand up for someone who seems to be taking way too much heat right now. And if she doesn’t follow him and just lets him leave, then she gets shit on for being cold regardless. C’mon. Not to mention, yeah he left, but all he did was go sit outside. It’s not like he left, packed a suitcase and was getting in a car and she jumped in front of it to stop it. He left the room and sat on a bench. You’re telling me if you were her the correct response if that happened to you to someone you seemingly cared about (whether you were gonna ultimately pick them or not), would be just to go, “Ok, he’s gone. What’s next?” I highly doubt that.
Finally, if I’m Blake watching this episode I’m pissed. I mean, hearing her say what she did to Greg and then knowing she accepted an engagement from you a week later, he has to now realize it’s completely phony. At least I’d hope so. I’ve been saying since week 6 that Blake is the only one left who isn’t too good for Katie. And I stand by that. So maybe he really doesn’t realize it.
Sorry for such a harsh email, but from what I’m seeing online I just had a completely different viewpoint watching the episode and needed to get it off my chest. I hope both Katie and Greg can reflect and become better from this.
Comment: Clearly Blake isn’t bothered by it 3 months later since they’re still engaged. I guess we’ll know more come next week on the ATFR exactly what he was feeling in the moment, but they’re good, happy, and engaged. So I guess in the long run, Katie and Blake don’t need to concern themselves with what happened with Greg at the end of April.
_________________________
Hi Steve,
Long time fan, first time writer. I don’t always agree with you, but I always appreciate your insights.
Am I the only one who is on Greg’s side? He was nothing but vulnerable, confessed his adoration for her, and all she had the decency to say was “I love looking at you.” A comment on HIS APPEARANCE? Seriously?! If the roles were reversed that would be objectifying. Anyone with half a brain would have shut down and gotten defensive. How could you not? I mean, the show is clearly not for him, but you’ve got to give the guy some grace.
Frankly, it was blatantly obvious that Greg was not her pick in that moment. She is not a good actress, and her attempts to get him to stay seemed far more about sticking to the script of the show than any feelings towards him. I don’t know, but to me her actions and words that initial moment and the subsequent conversation in the dark would have turned me off to her too. I thought all of her responses were Juan Pablo-level tone deaf and distant.
If you’re someone who gave Sarah Trott grace last season and are now ripping into Greg, I would implore you to think deeply about that. Seriously. Both of them had deeper rooted issues than the show, both of them made a drawn out exit, both of them at least seemed like they wanted the lead to drop everything and pick them at the moment. Katie had a dad who died too. Lets not forget that.
There were several instances when Katie broke up with men in a way that was equally cruel this season. She practically bullied Thomas upon his exit, and Karl wasn’t much better.
My final thought is that everyone labeling this as gaslighting is doing a disservice to anyone who has truly been gaslit. People need to stop using such strong words or phrases in such incorrect ways. Gaslighting, triggered, depressed are a few to note. Please be careful with the use of these words. Gaslighting is far bigger than this.
Comment: Not a fan that word being used so loosely as well. I’m also not a fan of when someone says “that’s not gaslighting,” that that then turns into “you’re clearly pro gaslighting since you’re not calling it for what it is.” Just stop with that nonsense. It’s like if you don’t condemn Greg and call him a gaslighter, all the sudden you are some horrible person that is pro-gaslighting and don’t understand the plight of women who have been in emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships. Sorry. That’s a reach.
Gaslighting, from what I understand to believe, is a long process drawn out by someone in a relationship that over a long period of time continually makes you question your own sanity. It’s why I said yesterday there are levels to it. I think some of the things Greg said can be considered gaslighting, but, to immediately make it seem like he’s the true definition of it, and he started making her question her sanity in one conversation I believe is a bit much. People love using those buzzwords right now, but each situation is different, and it goes a lot deeper than that. To me it’s more of a long haul, months, even years of emotional manipulation that’s sucking the soul out of your partner and making them question everything about themselves. That’s what I believe gaslighting to be. If that is the definition, then no, that was not gaslighting. I thought some of the things he said were kind of being an asshole, a bit condescending, and just kinda rude. But unless we all have a universal definition of the gaslighting, and whether or not it can be labeled based on one instance, then lets stop using it.
_________________________
I just read your recap from Monday’s episode and I was left feeling pretty disgusted by Greg’s behavior. I don’t know what the show allows the leads to do in terms of revealing their feelings to the contestants during filming, but it was clear to me watching that Katie had set a boundary for herself that she would not tell anybody except her final pick that she loved him. That’s a fair boundary to set, and she did communicate that to Greg. He didn’t like that boundary, so he kept pushing her to do what he wanted her to do. She also told Greg something to the effect of her struggling with the process, and he continued to accuse her of not listening to him, and blaming her for all their problems. I agree with you that she didn’t handle the situation as well as she could have, but I think that she dodged some pretty major red flags there. It definitely wouldn’t lead to a healthy relationship in the long run. Agree.
Do you have any ideas about who would be a good host? One of the things that Chris Harrison was good at was not making the show about himself. Sort of like Alex Trebek. In my opinion, the new host should be able to fade into the background and perform their role without commanding so much attention that the show becomes all about them. I think it’s a hard balance to strike, so I’m interested to hear your opinions on this.
Thanks!
Comment: I honestly don’t know. But I would think whoever it is, has some hosting experience. Preferably in the reality TV dating world. If I’m hiring Chris’ replacement, that’s some of what I’d be looking for. But I’m not doing the hiring, so I have no idea what they’re looking for.
_________________________
Hi Steve,
When you told us weeks ago about the Katie/Greg fight, we were told it was pretty much the biggest blowup or fight in the history of the show. Lots of screaming, carrying on, etc. I never once used the word screaming. And yes, it did go on for hours. But this show has to edit.
While last night’s Katie/Greg interaction was uncomfortable to watch, I didn’t think it was the big blowup it was made out to be. Maybe I’m used to seeing bigger arguments between couples, but there wasn’t any screaming, there wasn’t really any name-calling. I’ve seen much worse. The Clare/Yosef fight was certainly much worse.
I do feel badly for both of them, but in the end, I think Katie dodged a bigger bullet.
Thanks for what you do. I’ve been a longtime follower of yours, and you’ve helped to make The Bachelor franchise shows more interesting.
Comment: No, there wasn’t any screaming. Or any name calling. But I never used either of those words. I said it wasn’t pretty, it carried on for a while, they chased after each other, and that Greg melted down. I’d say going from telling someone you love them, not getting an answer you like in return, and within hours leaving the show is kind of melting down.
_________________________
Hey Steve,
Just read your take on the whole situation of Greg and Katie last night and wanted to say I agree with you and appreciate your take on it. As someone who has been in a very abusive relationship with gaslighting, I didn’t fully see Greg as gaslighting her. Did he take it too far? Yeah, he didn’t have to act or get upset as he did. However it’s pretty clear this is not a show or place Greg should’ve ever come on and find love especially when we clearly learned from his family that he has struggled with his emotions after his father passed. I think Greg fell very hard for Katie and whatever she told him form scenes we didn’t see really added to Greg’s feelings for her. I agree that when Greg poured his heart out to her that she was almost like deer in headlights. I actually thought the camera was positioned so you couldn’t fully see her reaction. But I agree that once Katie apologized and recognized what he was asking but probably didn’t know how to rely it to him with how the show is. I also think things were building up for Greg and he was clearly in his head waay too much. I don’t think he had to be dramatic and leave but I think when Greg was asking for something from her she could’ve at least been like “I don’t want you to leave please stay” or something along those lines. Cause if she REALLY felt her person just left, why didn’t you just ask him to stay? She just kinda kept apologizing and didn’t know what to say. But maybe it was because she could’ve been falling for Blake too so I feel like that was on the back of her mind. I could go on but agreed that it wasn’t good on either end but I hole Greg has maybe gotten the help he needs when it comes to the passing of his father because I think that will affect him in any relationship moving forward.
I mostly appreciate your take cause the second the episode ended, Bekah just posted this video of how “she told us all Greg was emotionally manipulating Katie” and I had to unfollow because it made me SO mad. Granted I never read anything that came out about Greg but 1) this was not the place for him to find love because he needs someone just focused on him (as most relationships are…) and 2) does that mean men can’t have emotions or fall in love harder than a woman? Like I said I really felt after meeting his family, his behavior is a result of his father’s passing and he hasn’t gotten proper help or whatever to help him cope with his emotions.
But that’s how society is I guess
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts! And always appreciate yours!
Comment: Appreciate your thoughts.
Let her be. Same ol, same ol. Wash, rinse, repeat. The hypocrisy is hilarious.
_________________________
Dear Steve,
I have been following you religiously since Jason Mesnick’s change of heart and have only written you once which was a letter of condolence when you lost Maddie.
I just want to congratulate you on your growth as a man. You are nearly young enough to be my son, so my life experience plays into this assessment.
Your take in this column is the very best I’ve read anywhere concerning the events of last night and the behavior of (toxic) Bachelor Nation, in general.
Although “petty” me misses all the scoop on the ridiculous and sleazy antics of the contestants, your new policy is for the better.
Thank you for all you do, and especially for not contributing to the often toxic discourse in our overall divided nation.
Comment: Thanks I appreciate it. Yes, I’m aware that maybe I’m a little more “boring” now that I’m not outing contestants and sharing as much behind the scenes dirt that’s not show related anymore, but it took me a while to realize that’s a lose-lose for me. People love the spoilers, seemingly they like the recaps and the podcast, and that’s good enough for me.
