-We get the shot of the girls at the airport headed to Wisconsin and now they’re more excited since their first reaction basically sucked. “Milwaukeeeeeee!!!!!” Yeah, you go girl. Get excited. I guess there’s a first for everything when it comes to this show. We start off in the Steaming Cup where Nick meets up with his parents. He talks to them about things so far, and dad basically tells him, “Look son, go find a wife. Please. We don’t want to see you on this show ever again. It’s embarrassing.” His mom makes him cry because, well, I think his mom has cried every time we’ve ever seen her on screen in the 3 “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” seasons he’s been on. I mean at this point, the parents might as well apply for a SAG card as much as they’ve been on camera. And if the Steaming Cup isn’t giving them free espresso’s on all their visits, then something is wrong.
-Nick meets the girls in a park and tells them that the first 1-on-1 date will start now and gives it to Danielle L. If you thought Astrid’s boobs were a player in last week’s episode, Lo’s DD’s are giving them a run for their money. Just not yet. It’s cold in Milwaukee y’all. She’s covered up now. Lets just wait til a little later on when things get more private. We’ve got staged meetings to get to first. As they are walking along the park by a river, Nick tells her that he once jumped in the river for $12. This is only significant because it was one of the questions on the Bachelor Fantasy League game this week. I guessed, and I guessed right. I’m a genius apparently. I’m not sure exactly what would prompt Nick to jump in a river for, because lets face it, there’s no way it was just for $12. Had to be to impress a girl or something.
-Time to visit the Sweeter Side of the Deli in lovely Waukesha. Or wherever it is. I’m sure Danielle got that killer body from eating sweets her whole life so she’s thrilled to be in there right now. The woman behind the counter knows Nick because, well, everyone in that town knows Nick for him having been on TV 752 times in the last couple years. He might as well run for Mayor while he’s at it. She sends Nick and Danielle to the back to make cookies and we get a “Bachelor” first. We’ve seen it all now. The cookies are now making out. I guess that was Nick’s idea of bakery foreplay, but it sure worked because after Danielle shoves her cookie dough finger down his throat, he attacks her tongue with his and it’s on in the kitchen. Was half expecting him to lay her down on the cookie sheet to make cookie dough love with her. Guess not.
-Now it’s time for the “Bachelor” to do “Bachelor” things. You know, when they have to plan a last second trip to Wisconsin because of the Hurricane in South Carolina, so they ask Nick to call up one of his ex-girlfriends so they can bring her on the show, only to pretend she’s magically sitting at a window on her computer. This was more staged than a showing of Hamilton. And you’d think if they’re gonna do something like this, maybe they can pull Nick’s ex-fiance, or maybe his high school sweetheart, or even college love. No, they bring in a girl that Nick admittedly dated “3-4 months.” Huh? What the hell kind of insight is she gonna offer now about Nick considering she’s currently married and has two kids. Maybe dated Nick 10 years ago? 15? So utterly ridiculous and pointless. Even the conversation they tried to make awkward was only awkward because Nick and Amber couldn’t stop laughing at how stupid the whole thing was pretending they didn’t plan this whole thing out.
-Nick and Danielle then lay down in the park and get to talking. And kissing. She asks Nick where his first kiss was and he pointed to some place over there. And I can’t remember what age he said, but judging by his sexual prowess on this show, I’m sure it was like age 5 or something. Danielle tells us her first kiss was at 17 because “I was such a prude.” Noted, Danielle. You could’ve fooled, well, all of us who have access to the internet now and can do a Google search. If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And Danielle certainly has it. Any search engine will tell you that. They then head to dinner and drinks at the Iron Horse Hotel where she opens up about the fact she’s had a tough life – her parents got divorced when she was 17. I’m guessing the other Danielle doesn’t want to hear about this Danielle’s “tough life” over her parents divorce. Or Kristina. I think the only “tough life” that Danielle needs to worry about was that horrible acting job she had on “Roll Models” which takes a look at the “underground world of import models and go go dancers.”
-Nick has one last surprise for Danielle since there was no way he was gonna let that top she was wearing just remain at dinner. That needed to be shown to the masses! So he takes her to the Pabst Theater, where ABC did their best to find us another country singer that not quite everyone has heard of so he can perform a concert for Nick, Danielle, and a few hundred rabid fans who watched Danielle’s boobs fall out of her shirt all night long. Of course, when I was told this the night it happened and tweeted it out, I was told there’s no way they’d be able to show them dancing to the date because she didn’t have double stick tape on and the girls kept falling out. For those that weren’t following back in October, here’s what you missed:
They all got a free show, Danielle got the rose, Chris Lane will have a few extra downloads today before fading into oblivion, and Danielle has her audition tape for “Bachelor in Paradise.” It’s a win for everyone involved. See you in Playa Escondida!
kimmyfromdablock
January 24, 2017 at 10:40 AM
I am in the helping field and I’ve said this a thousand times, it doesn’t matter what letters you have after your name, people are people. Good therapists are hard to find. Enough said.
My favorites are Raven and Rachel. Corinne is a hoot. More calculating and therefore smarter than anyone is giving her credit. She knows her entertainment value and is riding her 15 minutes hard.
lak377
January 24, 2017 at 10:53 AM
http://www.wetpaint.com/bachelor-2017-raven-gates-ex-boyfriend-1558474/
Wetpaint picked up on Hunter Henry
bsexton
January 24, 2017 at 11:32 AM
On your bit about the “bachelor” franchise reunion in nashville…Lauren B was there. Has anyone else noticed that she’s been doing a lot of traveling and posting absolutely NOTHING about ben here lately? Did they break up and I’m just the last to find out?
hales
January 24, 2017 at 12:05 PM
bsexton, Lauren B and Ben are still together. She doesn’t have a traditional “job” anymore. She makes money through social media now. If you follow any other social media “influencers” they all travel a lot (i.e. Becca Tilley)
katieottawa
January 24, 2017 at 12:25 PM
i just wanted to call out all the hypocritical women who took part on the march on saturday who were demanding respect for womens rights
yet not 48 hours later were among the 7.4 million women who tuned in to this show to again win its slot in the adult women demographic and took part in this show trending as the #1 thing on twitter.
If you are going to fight for a cause and want to be taken seriously, how about also boycotting shows like this that have at its core the purpose of demeaning women while showcasing and encouraging women who are WILLING to act like complete airhead barbie dolls just for some attention/money/fame and instagram followers. The fact that those same people who watch and take part on twitter essentially negate any real significance or future change given to the cause that took place on saturday.
yoyotono
January 24, 2017 at 12:32 PM
The only thing I’m interested in finding out, after reading this whole article, is who Raven’s ex-boyfriend is and how it was possible for the Arkansas Conspiracy.
The last episode ran like an episode of, “The Simple Life”. Everything that happened on the farm date was expected. It was also expected that Corinne would get a rose to stir controversy and that controversy would errupt.
Danielle L. also comes off as fake, even with all that editing. Yes, everyone knows Corinne is entitled, I don’t find her funny either. Just the SSDD, it’s old.
yoyotono
January 24, 2017 at 12:33 PM
Regarding the Amanda/Wells situation, it’s not a surprise Amanda found a different guy from the franchise. She needs to continue to make money off social media, and a new guy fans already know is a good way to do that. Probably the same type of thing JJ & Juelia tried to do.
kimmyfromdablock
January 24, 2017 at 2:20 PM
Scandal above or someone with a vendetta against Raven?
@katieottawa……so you can’t participate in a women’s march if you watch this show? Does that theory or “calling out” include watching beauty pageants, posting revealing selfies, sleeping around, putting on makeup or doing anything else focused on superficial things or things related to objectifying women?
RaRa
January 24, 2017 at 2:22 PM
Actually, Steve, if you had read the entire Knigge Farms article, you would know that they did not actually drink the fresh-squeezed milk. The farmer (whatever his name was) said they are not allowed to drink milk which has not been pasteurized, so they were compelled to warm some pasteurized milk and have the “ladies” drink that.
valadega
January 24, 2017 at 2:38 PM
I hope Rachel gets the gig so the cries of racism can finally go away. I’m getting bored by the show and Corinne has overstayed her welcome. If I never saw her in the Franchise of this show I would be happy. I hope to see the Danielle’s,Taylor and Astrid on BIP. Their good look will bring in the guys panting!
yellowcrayon
January 24, 2017 at 2:55 PM
As a female myself, I can 100% agree that women are the bigger hypocrites. Men have their own flaws, but women take the cake with hypocrisy.
Also, Nick is really dull. I only watched him on Kaitlyn’s season and had no reason to believe otherwise, but yea, very boring.
katieottawa
January 24, 2017 at 9:05 PM
If women were offended about the things trump said regarding women than these same women should also be just as offended by the bachelor, abc and the horndog star himself and his airhead bimbos for the way they act and portray women on this show. This guy is on a tv platform where we can ACTUALLY SEE him grabbing random womens boobs, asses, licking boobs, rubbing explicitly on women, making out with many of them and where one of them was made known to have a one night stand with. Why is this guy or show and network not getting the same level of criticism for his actions which are being publicly broadcasted to a national audience? On a march you protest trumps words yet 7.4 million then watch, tweet and essentially participate and support the blatant message of this show which is to objectify, demean and devalue women by having one guy essentially have his way with multiple women with no self respect and no integrity who choose to let him for fame and money. So which is it?
As a true advocate then you would be offended by all encompassing matters that negatively impacts how women are treated and viewed with this show being a huge contributor to the problem and therefore not wanting to support it either. I called these so called feminists who marched hypocrites because they set up a march with a clear personal dislike for trump yet wanted to disguise it as a cause for women’s rights to add weight to serve their purpose of protesting. Just dont wear pussy hats and pretend to be all offended by the things that trump said but then 2 days later tune into the bachelor and be fine with it and then make us believe that womens rights are all that important. If these women want us to take them seriously than they cant just select certain matters that suits them to serve their cause while overlooking others just as significant or else it loses all its purpose and importance.
langpla
January 24, 2017 at 11:22 PM
http://www.uamsem.com/class-of-2016.html
Here are two bad photos of the ex-boyfriend. RS, you are amazing. “You do you…”
walker
January 25, 2017 at 11:13 AM
I am saddened that women do not understand what a march for woman’s rights is about; It’s about the right to continue to have legal access to choices in our lives. In my opinion, Rights does not equal feminism; the commentators above seem to be confusing the two. My concern when I joined my local march this past Saturday is my and my daughters losing the right to make medical choices regarding our bodies and healthcare. My concern is the loss of rights for all people easy leagl access to vote. My concern is deregulating multi billion businesses so that they can undo all environmental safeguards that have been installed in the past 20 years to protect our drinking water, our soil, our air to breathe (have you seen pictures of the air quality disaster in China, well the US is on its way to match such poor air quality in some areas, and great strides have been made in past years to nip this potentially irreversible disaster in the bud, Trump just used his executive power to undo these safeguards yesterday with one stroke of his pen, great for the profit potential of a very few billionaires, bad for the people/businesses who live in areas impacted negatively by oil spills, toxic run-off in water/soil/air etc. – this is what I marched against) TV Bachelor Nick is not the leader of the most powerful nation and the girls have signed on with consent to participating on the farce of the Bachelor as a career path to success after the show – it is entertainment. How can one really compare Nick’s consensual behavior with these “actresses” who more often than not instigate themselves the physical contact with the bachelor, to the President of the United States of America groping women without permission and then bragging about it (that is sexual assault and is a jail time offense) tsk. Makes me sick. Just because I watch the Bachelor for the faux entertainment silliness that it is, does not mean I cannot also passionately want to defend real life funding and access to healthcare and equal pay for all women. If men can get government/insurance funding for viagra, you better believe that women should get same funding access to birth control, especially if people preach that they don’t want unwanted pregnancy. Men can get Government assistance for prostrate screening/treatment, but GOP wants to defund Planned Parenthood whose primary care is cervical/breast cancer screening, Prenatal care, family health for children, and access to affordable birth control to limit situations where abortion might be then be a legal choice. I may not agree with what the women on the show may want to present themselves as in relation to how they go about winning the show, but I sure want them to have the right to be who they are even if I don’t agree. (As long as they are not harming anyone, I do not like at all the bullying). I marched for Women’s Rights, The protection of the environment, fair living wages, unfettered access to scientific facts and information (are you aware that Trump just shut down yesterday ALL public access to scientific research/communication of several major agencies including EPA, Labor dept, Interior, National Park Service and others – no access allowed at all, banned from communication to public – this is serious people!!!) With little warning and no explanation, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention canceled a major climate change conference that had been scheduled for next month in Atlanta. “The Climate and Health Summit, which had been in the works for months, was intended as a chance for public health officials around the country to learn more about the mounting evidence of the risks to human health posed by the changing climate. I marched against this abhorrent silencing of science. And sadly so much more…. Please do not negate all these very important concerns because I am also a woman who watches a stupid TV show – that makes no sense. Disagree, sure, but don’t try to badger me because I watch TV – my life concerns are real for me and my children and the future of this amazing nation and planet. I can be against torture and committing war crimes by stealing by military force oil of another country and still want to drink a glass of red wine or bourbon while watching the farce of The Bachelor. Thank you for your understanding even if you do not personally support. For now thankfully, that is still your right – I will march to protect that right.