-The show starts with more David vs Jordan stuff. David cooks eggs in the morning and Jordan doesn’t seem to care for that. And David doesn’t care for anything related to Jordan. It’s a mutual hate-hate relationship that we still have a couple episodes left of. Colton talks to Jason about Tia and what that all means, which, I’ve already given my thoughts on that on page 1. The storyline is too manufactured and too down our throats for these two not to end up together at the end of BIP, either engaged or just dating. Chris Harrison has the date card, and Colton is ready and can’t wait to put this Tia stuff behind him and focus on Becca. Of course Colton is either dumb or completely unaware how this show works. If he actually thought they’d go through the whole season and not have Tia show up, he’s sorely mistaken. Wills, Jason, Jordan, David, Jean Blanc, and Colton will have a date to pamper Becca and her friends. Or in other words, give Becca’s friends (most of which will be on BIP) a chance to size up who they are interested in before heading to Mexico. Jordan, David, and Colton are definitely on BIP. Jason isn’t. Wills and Jean Blanc could be, I just haven’t heard either way yet.
-Tia, Seinne, Kendall, Bekah, and Caroline join Becca before the date and Becca tells Tia that Colton told her about the two of them. The other four gasp for air apparently hearing that for the first time. They can say what they want, I’ll just choose to believe they knew already. Colton has said twice now “relationship” when referring to Tia. Not hookup, not saw her once, not even dating – relationship. So it’s definitely still confusing at this point what to believe and what not to believe. Tia says she had no idea til the girls appeared on the date that she’d be seeing Colton. Whether she did or didn’t, again c’mon, you had to know the only reason they’re bringing you guys (and you in particular) on this date was to carry on with the Colton/Tia narrative. They have story editors for every episode of this show. It’s their job to come up with storylines to keep things interesting. I’d say that’s a fairly big one when one of Becca’s best friends used to see the guy who is now pursuing her. Might wanna focus on that one.
-When Becca introduces the girls to the six men on the date, she temporarily forgets Jason’s name. Even though we already know the spoiler, I don’t care who you are, if Jason was first and foremost on her mind and a guy she was thinking about from the get go, that never would’ve happened. The guys give the girls mani’s and pedi’s and head massages, yet, we never really see any interaction or any of the guys asking the girls questions about Becca or vice versa. The whole focus is on the awkwardness of Colton & Tia being there. I might have been looking down at my note pad, but at any point was Colton ever rubbing Tia’s feet or painting her toes or giving her head…massages? Whatever the case, literally nothing is happening here other than a bunch of voiceovers talking about Tia & Colton, so Becca decides to pull Tia aside to get the full story. You know, for the first time since she knows nothing apparently. Again – sketchy.
-Becca and Tia sit down to discuss what happened, and Tia tells her what she said in the People article – that she and Colton started talking before her show ever aired, they met up, they only kissed, but they didn’t know what to call each other because of the distance, he told her he was in talks to be on the “Bachelorette,” they decided to end it, no hard feelings, and they stayed friends. If I didn’t know that Tia reappeared this season before the final four rose ceremony, the second I heard “no hard feelings and we remained friends” I could’ve told you she wasn’t done with him. I’m not sure why Tia wants to be with a guy who while he’s in whatever-he’s-in with you is applying/has applied/is talking to producers about going on the show, you’d still want anything to do with him. But that’s her life not mine. And we’ve got three more months to talk about it! Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!
-The after party happens and this is where Jordan the douche canoe starts running the show. The guys are in a group chat and the topic of Tinder is brought up. Jordan has confessed to the guys that he got a notification from Tinder that he matched up with 4,000 women in the year 2017. I was on Tinder once for about 2 hours I’d say 5 years ago, so I’m not too familiar with it, but I think I get what that means. It means you spend an inordinate amount of time getting self-gratification from knowing women took 1 second out of their day to swipe a certain direction on their phone. Congrats Jordan. The problem is I’m guaranteeing that none of those 4,000 hopefuls could possibly match the beauty that guy is looking for in a partner – and that beauty is himself. Good luck, ladies. As I said on Twitter last night, please if you ever matched with Jordan on Twitter and you were lucky enough for him to take time out of looking in the mirror to get a response, please post those responses for all of America to see. We all need a belly laugh sooner rather than later.
-Jordan also has basically a 100% match rate according to him which, and I looked this up, is a narcissist’s way of basically saying that every woman wants him. He couldn’t possibly ever swipe on a girl who didn’t swipe him. Nope. 4000-for-4000. He’s every woman’s dream. Just ask him. And that’s basically all David the Instigator needed to hear to go running and tell Becca during his time with her. The best part is David starts out the conversation by saying, “I’m not one to throw people under the bus, but…” and then proceeds to throw Jordan under the bus. This happens every season on the show. Someone uses their time with the lead to talk sh** on another contestant they don’t like. But what’s funny about this is, because it’s someone most people want to vomit to the sound of, Jordan, everyone is pretty cool with David doing it. Sure he comes off as a bit of a weasel, but look who he’s ratting out. Jordan. We all know the reaction from Jordan that we’d be getting the second he heard this news, and it’d be what you’d expect. His panties were so balled up in a wad, his thong was making him irritable. And irritable Jordan is TV gold.
-I can’t possibly remember the laundry list of things that came flying out of Jordan’s mouth during his verbal diarrhea meltdown towards David. But there was a lot. Here was one I do remember: “Attached to me is professionality. It’s my face.” I think the word you’re looking for is professionalism you putz. He’s talking about his face, his brand, he has a three year contract with Wilhelmina, women find him desirable – on and on and on this went. If I wasn’t laughing so hard maybe I could’ve taken better notes, but this guy is a complete ass clown. “I can be a boyfriend and have a total girls day” was probably the least shocking thing he’s said all season. That should surprise no one that came flying out of his mouth. He also told Becca he’s like a golden retriever in relationships because he does everything and frankly, every golden retriever known to mankind should’ve been barking at their TV’s last night when they heard that. I’m guessing Becca would rather be in a conversation with a golden retriever than Jordan any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I mean, did you SEE that hug she gave him? It was embarrassing.
-Colton talks to Becca. She asks him if his mind is still with Tia, did he have feelings when he saw her today, he said no, she believed him and they made out. And oh yeah, he ends up getting the group date rose. I don’t think I’m going out on a limb here when I say that Colton would’ve already been gone if Becca didn’t think he was hot. C’mon. That’s the only reason he’s still there. She was always attracted to him and she’s finding reasons to keep him around. That convo was kind of ridiculous since Colton basically said like two sentences saying he’s not into Tia and that was good enough for her. I’m just saying, if this guy looked like, oh I don’t know, any guy she eliminated the first night, he’d be gone by now. Her season, her decision, but it’s clear what happened here. She was never going to get rid of him over the Tia stuff. Ever.
