-The group date certainly was interesting, no? “Becca’s Big Lumberjack Bash” certainly separated the men from the boys. Or maybe the men from Jean Blanc and Lincoln since neither of them looked like they could handle an ax. Or is it axe? I think we had this issue last season with a word I’m already forgetting, so once again, lets go to Google to find out if there is a “right” answer to this. I guess I always remember it being spelled “ax” since I was a kid. Google, what you say?
“Ax and axe are different spellings of the same word. There is no difference in meaning or pronunciation. However, you might be surprised by all the possible meanings these two spellings share. The Merriam-Webster lists three primary definitions besides the cutting tool. Axe also refers to a hammer with a sharp edge for dressing or spalling stone. Musical instruments, such as guitars and saxophones, are also axes. As a verb, axe means the abrupt removal of something. You’ll recognize that meaning in the phrase, “get the axe” which sometimes refers to a dismissal, such as someone being fired from their job. Many dictionaries say that “ax” is the most common spelling in the U.S. You will find the shortened form in compound names such as pickax and poleax. However, according to Garner’s Modern English Usage, axe is actually about twice as common as ax.”
Great. Thank you for settling nothing. I’ll stick with ax since that’s the only spelling I’ve ever known. And Axe Body Spray is garbage, hence I refuse to use that one.
-So the guys must compete in 5 things for the actual challenge: roll a log, flip a log, the AX throw, cut through a log, then one guy has to climb the log pole. It would so easy to make jokes about Lincoln dealing with logs all through this event, but I’m sorry, I’m all Lincoln’ed out. Enough about him for at least this episode, since his drama is about to ramp up the next couple weeks. We’ll have plenty of time to sh** all over him the next few weeks. Hang in there. I just hope you all giggled accordingly last night when he was rolling and flipping logs. How could you not? Anyway, the surprise “winner” of this competition was John, as he beat Blake in the finals of the pole climb. Who would’ve thought the Venmo guy would now all the sudden become the Brawny paper towel guy? That was definitely out of nowhere, but good for John. His lumberjacking skills certainly have nothing to do with creating an app used by millions of people, but hey, on his next resume, he can throw it down there at the bottom that says “Skills & Hobbies,” which has always been one of the funniest things about resumes. Some of the things people put on there seem so irrelevant to jobs their applying for. I guess they want everyone to know they can play the harmonica or something.
-The after party of this date is where things got real interesting. First they show us her time with Jason so we don’t forget about him and it isn’t bizarre when he makes the final three. He says he’s nervous because he cares about her, and she feels really good about him. They make out, she likes the way he kisses, and now the audience knows he’ll be around a while. Colton came up next and said he’s only been in love once, but with her it feels natural, they make out, and if you could put a thought bubble above Colton’s head, it would be Tia in a bikini, so I can’t take anything he says or does seriously the rest of the time he’s on Becca’s season. Nor should anyone else.
-The one good thing Colton did this episode was call the ass clown Jordan out. Jordan in his time with Becca decides (through I’m sure some major producer prodding) to not only wear his gold underwear, but strip down and take off his pants in front of her to show her he’s wearing them. You know, just a little peak wouldn’t do. He had to remove his pants and walk around in just those for everyone to see. Embarrassing. Colton says he wants to talk to him and basically tells him he’s an idiot for wearing those, he’s making a spectacle of himself, and that he’s tired of his shenanigans. To Jordan, those words just go in one ear and out the other and he just assumes other guys are jealous of him, his model looks, his Goldmember outfit, and whatever else that boosts his ego. There was zero resolution to this “fight” other than Jordan gets in more one liners that he rehearsed for hours on end I’m sure. I’ve never seen someone narrate a season four episodes in this much in the history of this show. The first episode? Fine. Whatever. We’re just getting to know the guys. But it’s obvious he’s doing a bit and it’s not even funny anymore.
-What happened next was just bizarre. So Jean Blanc is like totally madly in love with Becca even though he hasn’t had a date yet. I guess his pants got all excited when he got the group date rose in episode 2. Whatever the case, he hasn’t forgotten about it and wants to open up to Becca. I transcribed this full conversation for everyone because it certainly was…different. Here’s exactly what was said from the moment he sat down with her til right before she walked him out the door:
Jean Blanc: “Really haven’t felt like this in a long long time. And I wanted to let you know that, I’m truly falling for you, and I’m falling in love with you. And I’m just putting it out there.”
Becca: “…I don’t know what it is that brought it on so quickly, it’s very intense. I don’t know if I’m on that same page. This is a lot…”
Jean Blanc: “Well I do realize it’s early on and we are at the beginning stages of the process…”
Becca: “The very beginning stages…”
Jean Blanc: “Don’t wanna jump the gun, if you felt the same sparks that you felt in the beginning, I hope they’re still there, maybe we can get back on track, or…”
Becca: “I don’t think so…”
Jean Blanc: “What if we took a step back?”
Becca: “I don’t know if it’s fair though to keep you around if I don’t know if i necessarily see it and we can get there…I think we’re just on different wavelengths right now. Can I walk you out?
(They get up to walk out. Before they open the door to the outside, Jean Blanc tries one last Hail Mary that falls incomplete by about, oh I don’t know, 50 yards)
Jean Blanc: “So with regards before we walk out, the uh, ummm what about the gift?”
Becca: “Do you want the perfume?”
Jean Blanc: “I just felt as though you really appreciated it…”
Becca: “I appreciated the gift so much, I loved the sentiment. I didn’t realize where you were at in your feelings with me…”
Jean Blanc: “That’s not necessarily where I’m at. It’s just…I thought that…it’s where you wanted to take things and that’s what you wanted to hear…”
Becca: “So what you just said isn’t true? You’re just saying things because I want to hear certain things?”
Lets first address the perfume he gave her, which he titled “Miss Becca Blanc.” Someone on Facebook sent me this last night which pretty much goes to show, he didn’t create anything for Becca. This was another producer set up where they do all the work to help create a storyline. Certainly looks to me like they took a bottle of Miss Dior, changed the label, and tried to play it off as his own.
Soooo yeah, major fail there. Nice try.
As for that conversation, of course Jean Blanc already took to IG claiming there was more to the conversation that we missed, but from what was shown to us, it pretty much sounded to me that he did tell her things that he thought she wanted to hear, and when her feelings weren’t reciprocated, he took them back. He got caught, she called him out on it, and now he’s backtracking. With that said, the rest of the episode sucked because Becca could not let it go. Like yeah, that sucks Jean Blanc did that, but that seemed quite dramatic to carry it out through the Wills date and cancelling the cocktail party. Especially in an episode where it was pretty solidified Becca and Garrett were going to start planning a future together. Like who cares what Jean Blanc said or did? I don’t know. I’m not Becca. I guess this was some sort of trigger for her after what happened with Arie, which I get to a certain extent. It just seemed like she let it bother her longer than it should’ve. Especially since she’d already made the decision to get rid of him is when he backtracked on what he’d said. I would’ve been like, “And hey, don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.” Deuces.
-I really would spend some time talking about the Wills date, but as mentioned in the above paragraph, the whole date was such a downer, Becca kept harping on what happened with Jean Blanc, how it triggered her, etc that it was such a nothing date, there’s no point in talking about it. Couple that with the fact that Wills isn’t the most charismatic guy in the world either, it just made for an incredibly boring and bland date. Hey, at least Wills seems like a good guy. He just got stuck on the wrong date. I mean, watch Garrett’s date and watch Wills’ date. Are they even remotely in the same stratosphere? Didn’t think so. Snowmobiling? Great. Fun times. Then sitting on a blanket being all somber about the Jean Blanc stuff, it just wasn’t the least bit entertaining. I’m guessing with Vegas ahead, Becca quickly gets over the Jean Blanc stuff. But for Wills’ date and the cancellation of the cocktail party, this show gave us nothing.
-Rose ceremony time. Garrett and Wills safe with roses and Miss Debbie Downer enters the room after cancelling the cocktail party. “I know it’s been a while since I’ve seen you guys…that night was tough…old emotions…hurt…questioned who I can trust…not only showed what I don’t want in a relationship, but also what I do want. And that’s not Jean Blanc and his knockoff perfume he didn’t make, buy, or put together. Thanks Elan. Or Todd. Or whoever had that horrible idea.”
Leo: When does he tell her about “High Heel Homicide?”
Colton: When does he tell her he has doll at his bedside made to look like Tia that he makes out with every night?
Blake: When does he show her the video his ex made of them driving together to help her move?
Jason: When does he let her know how much goop he puts in his hair on a daily basis?
Connor: When does he let her know he’s fighting with Jordan Rodgers over who can have the biggest poof in their hair?
Lincoln: When does he let her know he’s the shittiest guy to ever appear on this show?
John: When does he tell her his Venmo app made more in a day than she’s probably made in her career?
Chris: When does he finally come clean and let her know his name isn’t Chris, it’s Danny Wood and he used to be in NKOTB?
David: When does he let her know his new broken nose doesn’t give him the ability to smell anymore so he can’t tell her how awful “Miss Becca Blanc” perfume is?
“Becca, gentleman, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. When am I ever going to belly laugh at one of these rose ceremonies knowing I get paid $60k an episode to stand off to the side and count roses?”
Jordan: When will Becca fully recognize I’m a walking turd sandwich and send me away?
Jordan was very upset about being picked last. So much so that he utters this beauty. “I’m like a sponge. You can squeeze me, and get everything out of me, but you will never know unless you try.” The millions of Americans watching last night officially declared him the stupidest human ever after that sentence. Remember how in middle school you used to have dissect sentences? I think that sentence should be put on the SAT’s now, and anyone who can remotely begin to describe what the f**k he was trying to say should be automatically admitted into the Ivy League school of their choice. As we know, Jordan and David are on the final date next week in Vegas, which is the 2-on-1. But something tells me they are going to milk Jordan for as long as they can and we’re gonna get a “To Be Continued…” again and no rose ceremony next week. I don’t know that for a fact, but knowing he’s been the lead narrator all season, I just highly doubt next week will be a regular episode with three dates and a rose ceremony. Since she sends David home first on the 2-on-1, I can totally see the episode ending there and that’s when America thinks Jordan survives yet another week, when in reality, he doesn’t and she sends him home next. I just get a sense we won’t see that until the week after. Lets see if that’s what happens.
Here are your answers to the Trivia Contest questions from page 1:
1. (7) total points
Chase, Chris R, Christian, Christon (or Chris S), Clay, Colton, Connor.
2. (2) total points
Vegas and Bahamas
4. (2) total points
Weiner, Arkansas and Checotah, Oklahoma
5. (6) total points
Jake, Jason, Jean Blanc, Joe, John, Jordan.
6. (4) total points
Ashley & Kevin
Courtney & Lily
Lesley & Dean
Luke & Stassi
8. Season 4
9. (3) total points
Sean, Ashley, & JoJo.
10. (6) total points
Trista & Ryan
Sean & Catherine
Michelle & Cody
Jade & Tanner
Ashley & JP
JJ & Juelia
11. Chris Soules
13. False. There are 6. Trista, Ashley, Des, Kaitlyn, JoJo, and Rachel.
15. (3) total points
Becca’s (Thailand and Maldives)
Kaitlyn’s (Ireland and LA)
Chris Soules (Bali & Iowa)
Send all links and emails to: firstname.lastname@example.org. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page, or listen to all my podcasts at Apple Podcasts. Talk to you tomorrow.