-Ahhhhh, we’re headed to my favorite place – Las Vegas. You know my affinity for Vegas, although, I never really spend much time at Aria. I’ve gambled there, hung out in a room there, but never actually stayed there. It’s certainly a nice hotel, just not one that’s for me. Absolutely nothing against it, especially since “Carbone’s” restaurant is in there and I loved eating dinner there, but just not my place to gamble for a weekend. I guess this show chose it for Becca’s season because, well, how could you pass up a hotel like Aria when it’s one letter away from Becca’s ex-fiance and someone we get reminded about every 17 seconds this season? Also, once they’re in Vegas, you know all the Vegas lines will be used. Look guys, “Swingers” came out in 1996. Saying “Vegas baby” 22 years later isn’t the most original thing. Then again, look at some of the Neanderthals we have this season and I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Silly me.
-Colton has the first 1-on-1 date of the episode and because there are 1,000 cool things to do in Vegas and on the strip, naturally, the show takes them to BFE so they can “get over the humps of our past relationships” and ride camels. I’m sorry, but we know how sh***y some of the date planning by producers on this show can go. We see it every season. But holy boring-as-f**k Batman, who thought of this garbage? Riding a camel in the Vegas heat. Are they serious? Last time I checked, they weren’t in Saudi Arabia. This is Las Vegas. One time in a past season, Ashley and William got to ride a boat onto the water in front of the Bellagio and have dinner. Colton gets a camel ride in the middle of nowhere. At no point was this romantic nor exciting, regardless of if they dropped a hot tub there for them to enjoy themselves in. Going to the arcade at Circus Circus for teenagers is more fun than this. You lose.
-So Colton and Becca hop in the tub and he tries to get all serious and stuff, but it’s impossible to take the guy seriously when every sentence out of his mouth has a smirk behind it? Like does he know he does this? Is he about to tell a joke at all times? What is that? Why does he constantly look like he’s got some sinister secret he’s holding back? It’s almost creepy. He says that frustration has been his one constant emotion since he’s been there, and I totally get why he feels that. I mean, Tia isn’t the “Bachelorette,” so of course he’s frustrated. He lies to Becca’s face and tells her he’s beyond happy with how everything has played out though and I believe his nose grew 6 inches by the end of the sentence. You know how it “best plays out” for Colton? If Becca falls extremely ill during filming, can’t continue, and Tia is brought in as her replacement. Yep. That’s how it best plays out for him.
-At dinner in Aria, Colton talks about his dating past, which is pretty non-existent. Says he’s only been in love once. It was a little over a year ago. He said “I love you” but she didn’t say it back and that was hard for him because he doesn’t just throw that out there for the sake of saying it. If he says it, he’s gonna mean. And there’s no doubt that he will only say it to that special someone. You know, that someone who has to have a minimum of 5 times the Instagram followers that he does, or else it’s not worth his time or effort. Lets go to the scoreboard and check a few things real quick. Current numbers as we speak:
Colton: 193k followers
Tia: 467k followers
Aly Raisman: 2.3 million followers
Savannah Chrisley: 1.6 million followers
Ok, so maybe Tia doesn’t have 5 times as many, but I kinda see a pattern here, don’t you?
-I’m pretty sure he was talking to Becca about Aly when talking about that last relationship that ended a year ago. Funny how he never mentioned how he made a big spectacle of asking her out. Or how many red carpets they went to. Or even mentioned anything about who she was, their public relationship, or any of the good stuff. Kept it pretty generic since I think Becca is a pretty observant person and would’ve seen right through that. Regardless, he gets the rose, they go ride a tourist big bus down the strip, the marquee in front of Aria lights up and says, “Kiss Her,” so he does. And that’s the Becca and Colton love story that has 3 more episodes left. Warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it?