Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails” & Happy 4th of July

Photo Credit: ABC

I know there’s really nothing we can do about the calendar, and every year certain holidays are gonna fall on different days, but isn’t the 4th of July falling on a Wednesday the worst possible f***ing day for it to fall on? Like, if it’s a Monday, you basically can get a 3 day wknd. If it’s a Tuesday, meh. Thursday, I would guess most people would take Friday off as well and make it a 4 day wknd. But Wednesday? All day yesterday was running around doing pre-fireworks stuff and as I sit down to watch fireworks (which by the way got cancelled because it got too windy here last night), I felt like it was a Friday. Then I realized it was Tuesday. I propose the 4th of July never happen on a Wednesday ever again forever and ever. There. It shall be done. Now granted, it doesn’t necessarily affect my “going into work” status since I work from home, but all day yesterday just felt so weird as it seemed like I was heading into a long weekend, yet, it was a Tuesday and I felt it was 3 days later. Ok, I’m weird. I get it. I’m just letting you know that nobody should stand for the 4th of July being on a Wednesday. Riot. Raise hell. Get that shit changed somehow. It sucks. Moving on…

Since we won’t have another episode up for another month, if you missed the re-launch, re-boot, season 2 (whatever you want to call it) of the “He Said, She Said” podcast with Ashley Spivey, you can listen to it here:

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, RSS, Stitcher, Spotify
Music written by Jimmer Podrasky
(B’Jingo Songs/Machia Music/Bug Music BMI)

As I mentioned, the plan is to do an episode on the first Tuesday of the month for the next few months, but we’d like to add more shows. And that’ll all depend on you the listeners. The more calls we get, and the more people that want to be on the show, the more we can do. So if you have something that you’d like to discuss with us regarding marriage/relationships/dating/sex whatever, email myself or Ashley, make sure you have Skype, and we’ll set something up. Really liked the first episode and I hope you do too.

Back tomorrow with Podcast #85 and it’s with former “Bachelor Ben” and BIP 3 contestants, Leah Block. If you followed my IG over Memorial Day weekend, you know I spent time in Colorado and hung out with Leah along with Lace that weekend, and it was a lot of fun. As we’ll talk about in the podcast tomorrow, Ben’s girls have been the #1 represented group to appear on the podcast. Leah is the 7th girl from her season to come on the podcast. Maybe 8. I might be forgetting one and I don’t want to look it up. I think Juan Pablo’s girls are in second place with maybe 3 or 4. Anyway, props to Ben’s girls for being such great sports. Had a fun talk with Leah tomorrow and I think you’ll hear that. It’s a little different at times just because I actually know her and we’ve spoken on quite a few occasions since then. And we do have a little 5 minute segment or so recapping our Colorado weekend, so just know that’s coming. Always fun to hear from Ben’s girls on what went down that season and Leah is no different, so look for that tomorrow.

Ok, let’s get right to it. Today’s “Reader Emails”…


Hi Steve

Regarding the next bachelor, what do you think the chances are of them choosing Kevin (Ashley I’s ex) from BIP? He has the ‘perfect’ storyline – fell in love, got heart broken, had to watch ex get engaged in paradise and I’m sure he’s ‘ready to find love’ now. It would fall in with their pattern of picking someone random like they’ve done the last 2 seasons.

Comment: I don’t see that happening. But again, when it comes to their “Bachelor” announcements, technically you can’t rule anyone out after the Nick and Arie debacles. But my opinion? No, it won’t be Kevin. Although that’s something he’s wanted since the second he signed up for Winter Games.

Hello Steve,

I was curious as to whether Ashely and Jared have some feud going on with Kaitlyn?

Comment: Not that I know of.

Okay, Steve. Here’s my wildest dream for an outcome of BIP leading into the next Bachelor season… Kenny goes on BIP, has a hella good showing but doesn’t find The One, then gets the Nick-treatment and is announced as the next Bachelor.

Would be awesome because:

A) Kenny seems to be pretty universally loved, or at least liked, by fans and franchise alike
B) He’s charismatic and non-douchey and would be fun to watch for a season, plus he’s got that good dad-looking-for-love energy
C) First Black bachelor, which is so insanely overdue
D) None of Becca’s dudes are really compelling enough to do the job (Maybe Blake, but he’s really not terribly interesting, in my opinion)

So that’s my vote. Kenny for Bachelor!

I’m sure you’re about to burst my bubble with a “Yeah, that’ll never happen,” but a girl can dream, can’t she? 🙂

Thanks for the laughs, as always. Hope you’re enjoying all your travel!

Comment: Yeah, that’ll never happen.

Look, I love Kenny as much as the next person. Thought he was great on the podcast last year. But he’s not going to be the “Bachelor.” I think the biggest reason would be because he wouldn’t want to do it. That’s just a guess. He’s already got a job that keeps him away from his daughter quite a bit being a wrestler that travels all over. I know others with kids have done the lead before, but I just don’t see it with him.


I wish I had the contacts you had for the bachelor shows, not to do my own website/podcasts, but to find out more of the dirt! Like how often do the producers/handlers have to talk people into staying on the show once they know they are not one of the bachelor/bachelorette’s favorites? And how do they get them to stay? In a normal situation, you would think at least half of the guys/gals would bail after a few days seeing they were not being shown much attention compared to the chosen few. I think people know now the longer you last on the show, the more relevant you become. And relevance helps you build a brand outside the show.

Do you think it is time for the producers to revamp the show? Survivor has made some changes over the years to make things interesting, so why not Bachelor/Bachelorette? Maybe make it like a tournament by breaking the guys/gals into 4 different groups…the bachelor/bachelorette meets one group at a time, spends a few days with them, then cuts half of them before moving on to the next group. Once they have met all 4 groups, combine the remaining and continue with the season. I don’t see that working. They’re completely different shows. That can work on a show that’s more “competition” based. Yes, this show is a competition but not like “Survivor” is. That’s a monetary prize show, so you can tinker with it more. People talk all the time about switching things up with this show, yet here we are 36 seasons and 16 years in, and it’s essentially the same thing every season just with a different cast. There’s no need to make major changes. People are still watching regardless of the “complaints” you hear.

Would be really interesting if they had a celebrity as the next bachelor…any celebrity superfans you can think of who might do it? David Duchovny? Taye Diggs? January Jones as the next Bachelorette would be great.

Comment: I doubt they’d ever do a celebrity either. It’s not believable that a celebrity needs to come on this show to find someone. Not to mention, they have zero backstory leading into the show.

Hi Steve,

Thanks as always for keeping the Bachelor franchise interesting. I love your recaps, podcasts, etc and it’s what keeps me watching still.

I’m a little late with this question since Lincoln’s scandal is old news, but this thought popped into my head earlier and I didn’t get around to emailing you.

Since at the time Lincoln was on the Bachelorette, he hadn’t been convicted, I’m wondering if it truly was difficult to find the info regarding his arrest in a background check given that he lied on the application. I’m thinking since arrested/charged doesn’t mean guilty and he hadn’t been convicted it wasn’t a public record (and probably wouldn’t have popped up on Google in October/November).

I’m sure there’s some high level background check out there that also includes arrests and ABC (via their 3rd party background check company) should run that level of a search given the publicity. Knowing that he had lived in Boston at some point, including MA in the deep check definitely makes sense. I guess they just do a basic search.

This clearly isn’t really a question, but just wanted to get your thoughts on it.


Comment: I’ve heard from people in the legal world who have said that the fact it happened in Massachusetts probably is why they never saw it, but, that they also could’ve looked harder. They questioned exactly what their third party background checks are actually looking at. You’re right, it just didn’t look like this company did anything deep on it and went pretty basic.

Hey Steve! I’ve been a Bachelor Nation fan since Jojo’s season. I watch and read a few recaps consistently, yours included! I was wondering if you ever watched the “Will You Accept This Ride” segment done by Bachelor Insider? They were interviews of Bachelor contestants hosted by Lisa Schwartz. They were cheesy, but she generally had whoever had just gotten kicked off for the interview. They seem to have been replaced this season by the Bad Chiller videos and montages of recaps by other YouTube channels called “Bachelor Insider Fan Takeover.” I was just wondering if you knew anything about this and why they changed the recap.

Your site is my guilty pleasure, thanks for keeping it up!

Comment: I’m going to be honest. I have never heard of any of those, so I can’t really help there.

Hi Steve,

It’s no secret that there is no love lost between you and ABC corporate/The Bachelor franchise top brass, what with all the lawsuits they’ve brought against you and trying to get you shut down. But i’m curious about how they feel about former bachelor/ette contestants appearing on your podcasts and interacting with you. I can’t imagine that ABC likes have them talk about what really happens with producer manipulation, etc. Does appearing on your podcast drive a wedge between contestants and their chances of appearing on another Bachelor franchise show? It seems like you only get contestants that have been out of the franchise for a little while and that probably won’t be returning to it… Like someone like Ben Higgins probably wouldn’t come on your podcast, at least in his current situation because he’s still up to his nose in the Bachelor world, but Lauren Bushnell did because she’s not really connected to the Bachelor world anymore and probably has no desire to return to a Bachelor franchise show again. What do you think?


Comment: For the most part, you’re right. But I’ve also had quite a few on that continued to do stuff with the show AFTER they came on my podcast. Kenny did my podcast last year and Astrid did it within the last few months and they’re both on BIP this summer. Amanda did it and she makes an appearance on Paradise this summer. There are other examples but to answer your question, it’s not a blanket “yes they can hurt their chances” or “no they can’t.” It’s a case-by-case basis I guess.

My stance on who comes on my podcast remains the same. I reach out to who I want to come on. Then, three things will happen: 1) They will say yes 2) They will say no 3) They won’t respond. That’s really it. That’s what I will continue to do in regards to getting guests on.

I’ve mentioned this a few times, but with so many former contestants having podcasts now, I get that there are certain contestants who’d rather go on alumni’s podcasts over mine just to not rock the boat or whatever. It happens. In fact, I recently just got a response from someone who said in so many words, that they just want to stay on ABC’s good side. I’m fine with that because I know it’s coming from some of them. They know by going on an alumni’s podcast it’s basically “safer” and the stigma they know is attached with me won’t ever come into play if they just don’t appear. It is what it is. Nothing I can do about that. There are just certain cliques within this franchise that I have no interest in trying to get in the middle of. Contestants who I know would never do my podcast because they’re loyal to someone else who has a podcast I don’t bother asking. Not to mention the ones I know who flat out don’t like me. They’d never do it, and I’d never ask. Don’t see the point.

Hi Steve,

Been living your podcasts for a while and I just listened to your podcast with Marikh and after I heard the beginning I just had to e-mail you and share some food for thought.

She may not have been Pakistani or Indian, but there was Selma from Sean’s season whi was Iraqi I think, which is still middle-eastern like Pakistan. Jojo was also half Iranian and she also had an Iranian guy on her season. I think you’re right. She was half-Indian. When I said that to Marikh, maybe I should’ve specified that she was the first 100% Indian/Pakistani woman on the show.

Also, I feel like it kinda went with a negative connotation in terms of Marikh being the first Indian/Pakistani woman on the show, as if there are girls with origins from that part of the world lining up to be on the show & they’re being rejected. I just want to interject cause I have had and still have several Indian friends, as well as Sri Lankan, and unless they’re born here in the West or something, they usually tend to be more conservative, or at least conservative for the sake of their parents cause their parents wouldn’t even be able to stand them dating someone outside of their ethnicity. I have had indian and sri lankan friends whose parents were giving them SO much crap for dating white, black and east asian guys instead of their own race. One friend of mine hid her relationships cause first, the guys weren’t the right race, and now the guy she is dating IS the right race, but not the right caste and her mom was hysterically crying for weeks when she told her, so then she had to tell her mom she broke with the guy cause apparently her mom just wasn’t “functioning” since she found out. Even situations where Christian tamils want to marry Hindu tamils is a problem, I’ve heard like 3 different situations like this and this is just people close to me. There are a lot of rules in the culture and I think going on a show like the bachelor would be breaking ALL of them by a landslide. Even Selma, when she was on the show and she was talking about her conservative family, she said how her parents were basically so mad at her for going on and she couldn’t kiss Sean etc.

So yeah, just some food for thought, I think a main reason for the lack of representation of these ethniticies is by choice cause there arent gonna be many of these people signing up in the first place.

But hey, you know everything about this world, so I guess I want to ask if my assumption here is wrong?

Thanks & keep up the great podcasts! They’re my favourite 🙂

Comment: No, I think you could be right. We don’t know the application process in terms of how many Indian/Pakistani women have applied, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s not many. But that accentuates my point even more. The fact that she did get cast, no matter how many did or didn’t apply in the past, she’s still an outlier on the show that’s been predominantly white for over 15 years. Hence the reason I wanted to know how she felt about that and she gave an honest answer I thought.

Hi Steve,

From your last few Readers Emails, I can see that people are still scratching their heads over Jared’s sudden turn around regarding his feelings for Ashley. I have a hypothesis: Jared has just appeared on the Australian version of Bachelor In Paradise where his ego got a major bashing. It was almost as if he was the “weird kid on camp” where no one wanted to go on a date with him (except for one delusional “villan” chick). It was actually really depressing and sad to watch, he just moped around like a pathetic loser until he finally gave up and just left. Everybody thought he was nice but that just lead to him being majorly friend-zoned by all the females. So I’m guessing, that on his return back to America, having Ashley throwing herself at him was just the tonic his ego needed, resulting in them getting back together pretty much straight away.

Just a theory!

Cheers from Down Under.

Comment: Interesting theory. I never saw the show so I have no idea how it went for him, but I’m assuming you’re accurate in your statement of how he was portrayed that season. There are people that love the fact they finally made it official, there are people that can’t stand them, and there are people that are indifferent. I’m pretty much in the last camp. And not just with them, but with any couple from this show. I just don’t care about their well being and whether they make it or not. It doesn’t affect my life in any way. My job is to watch this show, make fun of it, and give you information behind-the-scenes that you may not know. If I make a friendship or two out of it, great. But that’s not why I do this. If it was, then every single thing I write would be positive, I’d be cheering for all these couples, I’d be shipping all these different people, and you’d laugh at how ridiculous that sounded. Been doing this a loooooong time. I hope people by now understand what it is I do here.

Hi Steve,

Do you know much about the casting selection process for the new Proposal show? Even though the show has no depth and is not worth watching, the contestants seem to be more honest and truly there to find love (in the little we hear from them) vs. The Bachelor series which has a cast of characters.

Comment: The “Proposal” contestants are there to find love? What? Are we watching the same show? The “Proposal” contestants make the “Bachelor/ette” contestants seem like normal, level headed people not looking for fame and attention.

Hi Steve,

Longtime fan and visitor of the site but first time writing in for a question. Who picks the dates? Is it the producers or the lead who picks who gets what date? I listened to the podcast you did with Marikh and she kept saying the girls Arie chose for dates like he was picking them himself and it wasn’t production. Just something I was wondering about.

Thank you for all the awesome entertainment and recaps!

Comment: Before the season, the lead will sit down and let the producers know the kinda things they like to do. Then once the lead meets all their contestants, producers know right away who they like the most and are into, and dates are scheduled accordingly after that. Like, I’ve heard on a couple of occasions the lead has suggested (about someone they really liked), they didn’t want to give them their first date until the traveling started. And production obliged.



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