-Hey everyone, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! Kirpa’s getting a 1-on-1! Now, that’s not a knock on Kirpa at all. Attractive woman, seems super nice, can fix your teeth – all those good things. However watching their 1-on-1 date, it was painfully obvious Colton’s interest in Kirpa is the definition of “friend zone.” Sure, he likes her, and by all means they had a decent time together, but I want you to watch Colton when he’s with Cassie, or Hannah G., or Tayshia, and then re-watch that date with Kirpa last night. Notice any slight difference by chance? Well, besides the fact he’s pitching a tent non-stop with the other three and Kirpa is still trying to get to first base. Hell, even Kirpa at the beginning of the date said, “I’m in the same boat as Sydney.” Well, we know what happened to that boat. It sunk faster than the Titanic.
-Colton describes his connection with Kirpa as a “slow and steady burn.” Things probably aren’t going well for you if the way you describe your relationship with someone is also how you would describe a UTI. And we’ve heard this a lot over the years from leads who describe their relationships with some contestants as “slower moving” or “taking time.” You know what that’s a translation for? “I’m way further ahead with other relationships than I am with this one.” I don’t think any contestant who’s ever had the lead say their relationship was a “slow burn” has ever won. And probably never will. The whole premise of this show is you DON’T have time like a normal relationship to take things slow. That’s the complete opposite of what they want. So to all future contestants (even you dudes set to go on next season), just know if you don’t ramp up your game super fast, you are nothing but filler. It ain’t happening for ya’.
-But despite all this, that won’t stop Kirpa from telling Colton, and the audience, what she thinks they want to hear. I mean, I can’t think of any other reason for her to answer the way she did when Colton asked if she could see herself engaged at the end of this thing and she said yes. The woman who’s been totally marginalized on the show, we’ve never seen them even close to being intimate for the first 5 episodes, a woman who was once with someone for 8 years is now saying on national television to a guy that she barely knows that she’d be up for getting engaged if things progress. Just digest that for a minute and understand how ridiculous the premise of this show sounds. It’s kinda funny when you step back and look at it. I know the naysayers will come back with, “But look at Ashley and JP. Or Trista and Ryan. Or Sean and Catherine” and the few others. You realize those are the exception not the rule, right? Essentially, it’s more luck than anything else. Congrats to them for making it, but, it’s not something anyone going on this show should think is supposed to happen.
-Now it’s Demi’s turn to steal the spotlight once last night before she gets up outta here. She says she’s “not leaving Vietnam without making a big move with Colton” as it shows her getting ready to go over to his place. The voiceover also insinuates she’s going over there to take his virginity as we hear “Hopefully after tonight, Colton won’t be a virgin anymore.” As you know, I’m not a Demi fan, but even I could clearly hear that voiceover was spliced together and that’s not what she said before heading over there. However, watching her get ready and talk about Colton, it was eerily similar to when Corinne did the same thing with Nick, but was even more blunt about her intentions heading over to his room. Demi was set up to go over there because they knew Colton was sending her home. And she bought it hook, line, and sinker.
-But before he actually sent her away, Demi had to let Colton know she was falling in love with him which, yet again, is just laughable. It’s quite an amazing social experiment these producers pull off every season, isn’t it? Deprive these women of TV, internet, phone, family/friends interaction, and have their sole focus being on one guy for however long they’re there, and yeah, you can actually get these women to believe they’re falling in love with a guy they haven’t even been on a date with yet. Truly amazing. Of course Demi wasn’t falling in love with Colton. You can’t fall in love with someone you’ve never been on a date with. You’re falling in love with the IDEA that you could fall in love with that person. Lets not mix the two up. And in Demi’s case, she’s seeing stars in her eyes and falling in love with the idea of how much attention she would get post show IF she ended up with Colton. It was obviously a last ditch attempt to stick around, but all season, we’ve never seen anything close between Demi & Colton like we have with a few of the other women. But hey, good on ya’ Demi. Go out with a bang.
-So Sydney, Demi, and Katie all on their way out the door tell Colton to basically choose wisely, as there are people there that aren’t ready to be engaged. In the spoilers at the beginning of the season, I told you that at some point in Thailand, Caelynn and Cassie had a conversation about Bachelorette that the other women heard. It happened. I don’t edit the show. I can’t tell you what is and isn’t gonna get shown. Maybe it’ll get brought up next week when someone brings it to Colton’s attention. Tayshia seemed to hint at it in an ITM saying Colton needed to hear the tea. Then is standing with Kirpa talking about being in the final 2. But just like how Rachel & Vanessa’s blow up in Bimini was never even addressed on the show (but both have spoken publicly about it post-show), just because something doesn’t air doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. This Cassie/Caelynn “Bachelorette” convo wasn’t anywhere near the magnitude of Rachel/Vanessa, but it was brought up, others heard it, and others talked about it. So we’ll see if they ever address it on the show.
-There is no cocktail party tonight. Hannah G., Tayshia, and Kirpa already safe with roses. Colton knows what he wants to do. He’s probably known what he wanted to do from about the first episode on, but he has a show to do, so he can only cut so many every episode. Colton: “You all look beautiful…Sydney and Demi leaving was tough…follow my heart…find my wife at the end of this…even if that’ll never happen, it sounds good to say it.”
Hannah B.: Think people will think she’s a crazy stalker after she shows up during hometowns? Uhhhhhh…
Caelynn: Since her story in episode 4, she’s basically disappeared the last two episodes.
Cassie: Why you cryin’ in the back of the car in the preview, woman?
“Ladies, Colton, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. We’re almost at hometowns which is my favorite part of the season. I get a week off to play golf, spend time with my kids, and cultivate my new relationship with Lauren.”
Heather: Heather and Kirpa are basically in the same boat and that boat will hit the iceberg next week.
So next week, we’ve got three 1-on-1’s and a 4 woman group date. If you get a rose on your date, you’re safe and automatically guaranteed a hometown. Caelynn and Tayshia get roses on their 1-on-1’s, but Hannah B. doesn’t and is sent home (only to pop up the following week). The group date is with Cassie, Hannah G., Kirpa, and Heather. Heather eliminates herself because she says she’s not ready for Colton to meet her family. Hannah G. is given a rose, which leaves it between Cassie and Kirpa for the final rose. Gee, wonder who gets that one? And the preview of Cassie arguing with someone is with Kirpa, not Caelynn as it wants you to believe. Not a whole lot of drama next week in terms of who stays and who goes. I think even the unspoiled can clearly see which 4 he likes the most.
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