-Going into the rose ceremony, Jef Holm’s Former Friend wanted to immediately talk to Brittany since she wasn’t feeling well after being in numerous bone crunching collisions the day before. She says she’s feeling a little better, but nothing that a little good lovin’ from those pillow lips couldn’t cure. But that doesn’t happen and instead he gives her a worthless piece of paper for being “Most Hardcore.” Seriously? THAT’S her prize in all this? Wow. You really know your way to a woman’s heart. Especially when your gift is something given out annually at the AVN Awards in Vegas. Most Hardcore? She sure must feel special after that. I hoped she ripped that thing up and threw it in the fire when he left. Nothing says “I don’t plan on keeping you around much longer” than a made up award on resume paper created by production. You know what would’ve been most hardcore? If Brittany would’ve drop kicked him into the pool.
-Bekah is up next and since the Tongue Bandit hadn’t seen her since the day before and needed some action, he took her out front to essentially do nothing but make out. It’s pretty clear this relationship is purely physical. There is zero substance to these two and their conversations. I know people want to laud Bekah for being an old soul or whatever, and maybe she is, but have you actually listened to these two’s conversations? It’s just two people with a clear physical attraction to one another telling the other one how much they’re attracted to them and then jamming their tongues together like they’re in a wrestling match. Tell me one thing Bekah has in common with him that is below the surface of making out? I’ll give you all month. Hey, some relationships are based on an actual real connection outside of any physical activity, and some aren’t. This is one of the “aren’t” ones, and it’s clear as day.
-Hey everyone! Lauren B. has made an appearance this season! Granted, it was only for a millisecond and basically just to set up Krystal being a producer pawn this episode by interrupting her. That’s ok. Next week when Lauren gets to wrestle and have money pulled out of her ass (not literally of course for those that get highly offended by such a comment), then we might actually get to know a little more about her. It’d be nice to give the audience at least a clue as to why Arie keeps reminding us in every interview he fell in love with two women this season, with one of them being her. She’s been a mute for two episodes and hasn’t been on a date. But whatever, lets gloss over Lauren B. real quick to advance the Krystal storyline of doing what producers told her to do, which was interrupt his time with Lauren, even though Krystal already had a rose and was safe. This storyline is so old and tired season after season after season, yet they keep doing it.
-When you watch this show, there are certain staples you can expect every season. “It’s the final rose tonight…when you’re ready,” someone not being there for the right reasons, boyfriends/girlfriends back home, the usual. Well, one is there will always be someone there who is safe with a rose and/or is stealing someone else’s time at cocktail parties. The laundry list of contestants who’ve done this is endless. And for those new to this or how it works, as much as you want to take it out on Krystal, it’s just as much the producer’s fault. She’s doing what she’s told. No one interrupts conversation on this show without being told to do so. No one. And the lead could easily tell them “Hold the f**k up until I’m done.” Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. But ultimately even if the lead does say that, the person who was interrupted always feels like they never got enough time and are upset anyway. So yes, Krystal is at fault but just remember she’s doing what she’s told, and in the immortal words of Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee from a “Few Good Men,” when it comes to this show, “you do what you’re told, or you pack your bags.”
-So could we sit here and dissect Bibiana’s freak out on Krystal and mic dropping her by telling her how much she didn’t appreciate what she did? Sure. But nothing about that whole scene was organic. It was perfectly constructed to play out exactly the way it did. After already interrupting Lauren’s time with him, what did you THINK Bibiana’s reaction would be when she’s waited all week to talk to him then gets a couple of minutes before Krystal steps in a SECOND time on someone’s conversation? It’s like they knew the exact time and minute that Mount Bibi would erupt and, by golly, it did. Now, I don’t think it’s proper to go off on someone and then announce you went off on them by saying “mic drop” while doing the mic drop gesture. I think Bibi got a little ahead of herself on that one. But Krystal did what she was told to do, and now she must suffer the wrath for it from the other girls and the audience. I was told Bibi was well aware of what was happening behind the scenes here as well and was going off on production just as much as she was on Krystal – but of course none of that was shown.
-Rose ceremony time. Becca, Krystal, and Seinne are safe with roses. Let a Playa’ Play: “Lots of beautiful women…great women…getting attached quickly…a lot of love in this room…doesn’t make this part any easier…some of you will go home tonight…you know, because that’s how the show works. I’m a very simple man with simple words and concepts. This is the best I can do.”
Kesha, Jay-Quellan, Tinkerbell, The Brows, Edelman, the other blonde Lauren, Raven 2.0, Bumper, the Lauren he fell in love with, Donkey Semen, Concussion Protocol, one of 4 realtors, Marikh, and Caroline (sorry I don’t have nicknames for those two yet. Gimmie time)…
Ladies, Arie, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. You seriously made me freeze my ass off in Vermont for a 12 days so we could run a 2 week show? I better have been paid double.”
Bibibibibibibibibibibibibibibi
We never heard a peep from Valerie all episode. Not even one ITM. Usually they’ll give every person eliminated that episode at least one so we remember who the hell they were once they were eliminated. But nope, not her. Lauren G. barely got one either. But hey, you’ll be seeing her as one of the 5 women on the US Team for “Winter Games!” Aren’t you so excited! I mean, it’s Lauren G everyone!!!!! And Jenny got the boot but you could tell was so blitzed, she had no idea what had happened to her. At least she laid it out for Arie she was actually sad about her friends and not him. Translation: I was here for Peter so no way I was lasting long on this show. But that’s ok, I’ve already been on dates with Bachelor guys in Chicago anyway, so deuces to you!
So next week we have two group dates: the wrestling one and the Best in Show dog date, along with Lauren S. having her 1-on-1 in a private jet to a winery where she gets eliminated on the date. I’m interested to see the wrestling date because, well, 8 women rolling around on the mat with each other has to be somewhat entertaining, no? Count me in.
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