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Photo Credit: USA Network

When it comes to the video messages that closed last week’s episode, I think it’s rather clear that Casey would have actually preferred for the little stringy-haired girl from The Ring to come crawling out of his iPad instead of what he got, which was Ashley, her voice dripping with flagrant signs of emotional disengagement. The guy is in a rough place right now, and though I initially expected he’d drown his shock and sorrow by cavorting with a walking Very Bad Idea like Payton, I now think he will spend the rest of his time on that island weeping into coconut fronds, an image that really only makes for good TV for about fifteen minutes or so. After that, it begins to look slightly pathetic.

This episode starts with a montage of Casey crying in the sun, crying in his bedroom, and crying in the shower before he manages to slightly pull himself together so he can join the other guys and they can communally bemoan the … Continue reading →

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Photo Credit: USA Network

It all comes down to the simple question of what these people truly want. Think about it. Dave obviously wanted to have a threesome at some point in his life – and with that hair, I will not so much as even entertain the notion that he’s had a shot at one before – and being on this show allowed him to dive d*ck-first into some debauchery. Ashley G. (and the skilled group of editors tasked with turning her into character) allowed us to see that what she values most is constant validation. As for Casey, the guy who is currently pounding the wooden plank upon which he literally sits and is metaphorically walking, well, Casey must value snagging himself a semblance of fame. I can think of no other reason to explain why he’d talk his significant other into coming on a show with such a sh*t track record when it comes to couples staying together. He brought Ashley there. He thrust her into a scenario where … Continue reading →

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Photo Credit: USA Network

After the tragic denouement of last week’s episode wherein participants of this show were symbolically impaled by literal betrayal, it seems now may be a good time to regroup. So while you stretch and thank everyone in your life for never dragging you onto a reality show, I’m going to make a few predictions about what I think will happen to these people in the coming weeks:

Prediction #1: Ashley H., who was horrifically manipulated by production via a truncated statement from Casey, will lose eight pounds of water weight through her retinas and will then sop up that sadness by hooking up with either Deac or Ben.

Prediction #2: Ashley G. will not be able to handle Rick moving on from her, even though she was the one who banged a stranger almost immediately after arriving on the island. Between that and KB’s obvious ambivalence, she will attempt to fling herself into a simmering volcano – but she will only do it so KB will climb … Continue reading →